The Case of the Proverbial “Cookie.”
It seems I cannot get into a conversation with my older brother without our voices escalating.
Yes, we yell and don’t even realize it.
Take one very loud, opinionated person who often times doesn’t like to be told she’s wrong (me) + another loud opinionated person who likes to point out I’m wrong (he) and watch us in public?
It’s just plain embarrassing.
If you didn’t recognize we both have that flat Filipino nose and MUST be related, you’d probably think we were an old arguing Italian couple from the Bronx.
Minus the cool accent.
Minus the endearing wrinkles of old age that let grumpy old people get away with being so obnoxiously loud.
Nothing is FoolProof
We got to talking about why some guys get the girl and some guys don’t.
He mentioned how no matter what you tell a guy to say, you can still give advice that will not lead to a date because 70 percent of our communication is non-verbal.
And yes, NOTHING is foolproof.
I don’t care what all the dating coaches selling their ebooks and online dating courses are saying.
They will help increase your chances, but NOTHING is foolproof.
It’s just the nature of the beast.
You do it all right, but you still don’t get the girl
After following step 1 and 2 and practicing the script in your head a gazillion times, she STILL may tell you to go to hell just because you’re the 4th guy who has asked her out that day and she just happens to be irritated by the spanx she wishes to God she didn’t wear on a day in September that felt like 100.
Stupid global warming.
Stupid boss who didn’t think it was time for a raise.
Stupid latte that burned her on the subway.
It may have nothing to do with a guy’s approach, his appearance, his charm or lack thereof.
You don’t know what a woman is dealing with on any given day, and hell, you have NO IDEA what she has had to deal with in her past that helps govern her decisions consciously or subconsciously.
Sometimes you’re screwed and you can’t do anything about it.
I get it.
It’s hella frustrating.
Putting those variables aside, it’s time to talk about what you CAN control.
All hail the ALPHA MALE.
You, dear reader, yes YOU, are an alpha male.
Maybe not yet to the world, but that alpha male is in there waiting to be released.
Aren’t you tired of caring too much about what women think?
Aren’t you tired of fearing rejection?
Are you ready to dive right in and feel that sting of rejection only to realize, hmmmm THAT wasn’t so bad.
It’s like a flu shot.
2 seconds of pain right away before flu season hits instead of 3 weeks of agony later when you’re wishing you’d just ask the stranger out right away instead of pining and crushing on her and building her up to be something and taking an embarrassingly long time to get over her.
And feeling all alone in your embarrassing grief because you didn’t even know the girl.
And you didn’t even date the girl.
And now you are still alone and feel lonelier and more gunshy than ever.
Guys, when you crush, you get crushed.
Alpha males don’t crush.
They see the girl, they think she’s hot, they DONT think, I wonder if she finds me attractive?
They know there’s more to game than looks.
And they intrinsically believe they can get the girl because they HAVE SOMETHING THE GIRL WANTS.
What is the Cookie?
Enter the proverbial “cookie.”
When you look at the world of dating, of men and women, you will notice something pretty common.
Women have the upper hand.
The confident women know they have the cookie.
The insecure men believe this too, and want the cookie.
What is the cookie?
For women, it’s sex.
Yes, yes, yes.
You’re not just a sex starved individual.
You care about getting to know a woman etc etc etc.
Preaching to the choir.
But for the sake of this post, let’s just state the obvious.
You primarily want sex.
Are you ashamed of this?
Women want you to want sex.
Don’t be ashamed of your sexuality. (gosh that’s another post)
Justin Timberlake brought sexy back.
Alpha Males are NOT afraid of sexuality.
Because women hold the keys to sex, and men know this, men turn into desperate, needy, men, the very opposite of an alpha male.
An alpha male is never desperate or needy.
What the alpha male knows internally that “nice guys who finish last” do not know is that they TOO have a cookie.
The cookie isn’t necessarily sex for men. (although sometimes it can be)
The cookie is anything that you possess that you believe the opposite sex wants.
Most guys don’t think they have anything that a woman wants, so even entering into the situation, there’s always an unequal distribution of power.
And that’s why the hot chicks get to walk around with the upper hand, digging deep into your wallets, eating you out of house and home.
They know they have the cookie, and they know their cookie is more desirable because you find them attractive.
For the alpha male, the cookie is more complex. The alpha male knows that he has something to offer that a woman wants.
What is the Man’s Cookie?
A woman wants male attention.
A woman wants the security of knowing that male attention won’t go away.
A woman thrives when she has sacrificial, male leadership in her life– and that is the very essence of the alpha male.
He knows he has that ability to give a woman what she (more often than not- desperately) wants: attention, emotional security, and male leadership.
Maybe some feminist women are reading this wanting to shoot me and scream, “I don’t NEED male leadership!!!”
And to that I say, of course you don’t “NEED it.” Not like you need water and air and chocolate.
I never said you “needed it.”
All I said was that women thrive when they have it.
I’ve seen the devastating effects when they don’t have it, or they have a distorted version of it, a corrupt, selfish, possessive version of it.
And I see how powerful that influence or lack of influence can be.
A man can help a woman blossom or can make her feel and look lifeless, with only a shadow of a woman remaining.
It’s a scary and harrowing thought, but that’s the reality of it.
That is the POWER that a man has.
ooooohhhhhh… you feeling powerful?
This power can be used for good or evil.
When a woman has a strong respectable, attention giving alpha male in her life, whether it be her brothers, father or partner, she’s going to thrive, blossom and grow into the best version of her self, the most confident version of herself.
And that’s why I say that the man’s “cookie” is more complex.
She may have sex to offer, but that is a short lived power exchange.
She can give it away, and then he can leave and be done with her.
He on the other hand has the cookie that doesn’t crumble once it’s been given.
When a woman gets a taste of that sacrificial, strong male leadership, the last thing she wants to do is leave.
Gentlemen, you have a cookie, and it’s precious.
Don’t go into any dating situation until you’ve internalized this concept:
YOU HAVE SOMETHING VALUABLE TO OFFER THAT IS NOT EASILY OBTAINED, and it has NOTHING TO DO WITH CHARM, MONEY, and APPEARANCE.
Those things are like bits of 2nd day, dried up ground turkey, microwaved too long and sticking together in a dried up heap compared to what you have to offer, which is $75 bone-in filet mignon, my friends.
Hubby had it for his birthday dinner.
Those charming folk?
They can kiss the ground that Alpha male walks on.
Those rich guys? Maz-a-ra-WHO?
Those handsome men who look like they just walked out of an Abercrombie photo shoot?
They can just watch you walk away with your beautiful woman.
If they aren’t alpha, and you ARE, they cannot compete.
Nobody can top Alpha.
I don’t want to give advice on just a micro level- what to do, what to say.
TRUE CHANGE comes when you change your beliefs about yourself and about women.
That’s where it begins.
So I’m back! And I’m excited to be on this journey with you.
Shameless plug: If you want private, personal advice on your specific situation, I offer email and phone consultations. Click here to learn more.