You Can’t Love Someone Until…

Photo by Missinghim

…you learn to love yourself just the way you are.

Not the you, you want to be.

Not the you that you envision you’re supposed to be.

Not the you after you lose 20lbs.

Not the you after you accomplish your goal.

Not the you who’s overcome bad habits.

Not the you who’s gotten a raise.

The very human, flawed present-day you.

The you that stares back in the mirror every day.

The you that still can’t fit into skinny jeans.

The you that’s stuck in a dead end job.

The you that you’re ashamed to take to your high school reunion because you’re not a success in your own eyes.

The you that hears all your negativity and self-criticism.

The you that doesn’t have a date this Saturday night again.

That guy. Or that girl.

That you needs love. Unconditional love.

Why do I say you can’t love someone else until you love yourself just the way you are?

Because loving someone perfect isn’t love.

Your dream girl: she’s flawed. Or your dream guy: he’s flawed.

If you can’t love the flawed version of yourself,

how can you expect to love another flawed person?

So, as you can see, this isn’t an article about narcissism. The saying isn’t cliché. You just can’t give something to someone unless you already possess it.

Just a personal note:
As a perfectionist with an obsession to excell in everything I try… I struggle with this concept. When my body or my mind don’t do what I want it to, I feel guilt. I want to punish my body when I eat more than I should. I want to work extra hard and sacrifice sleep and free time when I don’t accomplish a goal. I push myself beyond what I would ever ask of a friend. Basically, I have a hard time being a friend to myself! When I think about the negative things I think about myself, I realize those are things I would never tell a friend! I would never say things, think things, or do things to a friend that I do to myself. After 26 years, I can’t believe I’m just learning this now, but I’m grateful for this revelation. No matter how hard I try to change for the better… nothing works permanently. Now I realize punishment, rewards, and incentives don’t bring about lasting change. I’m convinced that unconditional love is what changes things. And it begins with me.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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