You can’t expect more than you can dish out.
A famous 85 year old matchmaker has successfully matched over 50 married couples. Quite impressive. She’s good at what she does because she calls a spade a spade. She says that in her experience, people’s expectations are not in line with what they can offer.
One day this overweight man came in and filled out an application. He said he wanted a 6’0 statuesque blonde model. The feisty matchmaker quickly got up, led him to a full length mirror, and pointing at the reflection said, “Now if you were a 6’0 statuesque blonde model, would you go out with this guy?”
Ouch.
In the matchmaking industry, the majority of overweight men want skinny women. The majority of short women want tall guys.
People, set high standards for yourselves not only in what you want but in what you can offer. Some things you can’t change like height, yes. In those cases, you might want to consider being a little more realistic. But some things you can change. Take care of yourselves if want a person who takes care of themselves. Deal with your hurts, hang-ups, bad habits and addictions if you want someone who’s also dealt with their own baggage and isn’t going to pile it on you. Read more and develop a love of learning if you want someone smart.
But opposites attract, you rationalize. True, but I really think that has more to do with personalities. When it comes to attracting quality people, the majority of the time, you attract who you are.
Excellent blog.
Yes, we do attract who we are, but, I am working on making changes.
I guess that is true to some extent, although I’ve seen many exceptions to the rule. Maybe sometimes love is blind, and people fall for opposites to themselves? Just a thought
true doug, so true. with love, there is no rule!
Heh. Funny. One of the things I tell my male friends when they’re looking to pick up girls is “Find someone who looks like you.” Ever notice that happy couples look alike?
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A great post! Like does attract like. There are good reasons why the likes of Angelina Jolile are with the likes of Brad Pitt. I believe that people have over inflated expectations based on the fact that dating services give them choices that they perhaps did not have 20 years ago.
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interesting post, I got a love and hate relationship with this post :)…
I agree with the idea of you have to improve yourself to attract the right person, and over all I agree with the idea of you attract who you are.
But the thing about having high standard… well… I know that there are girls and guys who have ridiculous standard on materialistic stuff which is stupid. But I believe it’s good to have high standards in general at least you’re aiming high.
somehow that makes sense, never looked at it that way.
I love the direct point made in the article.
Spades attracting Spades
With enough effort, you can attract other suits but sometimes people need to think realistically if they want to find someone to make them happy.
No matter who you are, confidence is key!
Happy hunting everyone!
This is so true! Being in this line, i have to agree that you attract who you are. No doubt we all want something better, at the end of the day however, it helps to remain realistic.
Very good post! This is so true yet we often forget about it.
This is so true. Kind of reminds me of the saying, you are what you eat. I never actually thought about it but you made sense. If you are, as you said an overweight man. You can’t expect a 6 foot model. If you take care of yourself, you will atract someone who takes care of themselves.
Nice post. Really enjoyed it.
-Chris
Brief intro: Me and my girlfriend have/had been together since ’05, we started dating when she was a senior in high school and I had just graduated HS the year before. She left for college and I decided to move to the city as well so we can be together. 5 1/2 years later, we are still living together and have only had 1 “break” situation occur in our relationship where we had to live separate for about 4-5 months, during that time we stayed in contact and eventually she ended up moving back in.
Towards the end of last year we both started going through some major changes, she just graduated grad school and just got her first MAJOR career job, I myself, just got promoted and was seeing an increase in responsibility/stress; I would say it was towards the end of November that we started throwing around the idea of going on another “break. I just thought this was another dip in the relationship rollercoaster and that we would eventually work through it. December hits and she wants to move out, she becomes more distant physically and even started coming home late (blaming it on work). I still didn’t think anything of it (stupid, I know), one of my main realizations is that I was WAY too trusting (since I assumed we were both in it forever).
Now, onto the question:
How do I go about applying these steps if I currently LIVE with her?!
I caught her literally in the act of texting the “other guy”, something along the lines of “I’m attracted to everything about you”. I confronted her about it that night (who wouldn’t?!) and she denied it all, until I told her word for word the message that she sent the guy.
Now, fast forward 2 months later, we’re still currently living together.
I’m completely at a loss of what to do, since she continues to tell me that we both need to go on a break and that we both need space; but then we have those situations where we both go out, she holds my hand, she touches my back/body, and we even kiss. At the end of the night, we even sometimes still have sex (which she claims is all because of me pressuring her to do so, really?!!).
So right now, I just feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place; because ultimately I would LOVE to be with her, obviously, I understand how rare a relationship like ours is.. but it just seems like she has already decided to be with the other guy.
Now, even if that is true, and we both move out, will these steps still apply?!
Cause right now, it just seems like I’m the only one admitting anything and still WANTS to be in the relationship.. she on the other hand, continues to try to be “normal” around the house, but any time I want to discuss “us” or “them” or anything that could be considered a “relationship issue” she will get annoyed and not want to speak with me.
I’ve brought up the issue of her and the other guy, he response is “I don’t care what you do, so don’t care about what I’m doing”. Kinda hard to do and is FAR easier said than done.
the more I type this out, the more apparent it becomes…
I’m enabling her to treat me like this by not moving out? Right? Or what?!
-SleeplessInCalifornia
Nomar,
You are not only enabling her to treat you unfairly (you are giving her the benefits of your exclusivity while she is not being exclusive) but by sticking around, she is losing respect for you.
If you don’t respect yourself (why would you still want to be with a woman who denies cheating on you who obviously is cheating on you?) then you will also lose the respect of your woman. Accept the fact that she wants a break, but don’t only ACCEPT it, DEMAND it. You deserve first and foremost a woman who is trustworthy, loyal and faithful. Without that, you have NO foundation!
Don’t let it be “giving each other space.” Don’t let it be just a “break.” END it for good. Unless she has undergone a RADICAL character change, why would you want to be with her? You only have sex because she says you pressure her? What kind of relationship is this?
Why would you LOVE to be with her if she is a cheater? You guys fell in love in high school. Maybe she is your first love, or the only love you know. She’s just a bad habit at this point. There is more out there. There are women who are loyal, kind, honest, trustworthy.
Don’t be afraid to let go of something because it is all you know or all you’ve ever known.
You’re saying that your relationship is rare. I’m telling you that it is messed up and broken.
There’s no communication, no willingness from her side to make it work, there’s betrayal, there’s cheating, there’s emotional cheating, there’s brushing things under the rug and not dealing with issues.
If she is cheating and doesn’t want to be in the relationship and you’re the only one that wants to be in the relationship, I don’t understand why you still want to be in it:(
When she says, “I don’t care what you do, so don’t care about what I’m doing,” is she basically promoting an open relationship?
Move out. or kick her out. Do something drastic. You need a fresh start and a clean slate.
Good luck!
God doesn’t weigh man by their outside character, traits or personalities, material value or height or weight —- that’s the world’s standards. God judge and weigh man and values them by their heart. The only exception to this rule, you attract what you are applies to which level you are in your spiritual evolution as a human being as we are forever changing —- so until you’re at the right level in your spiritual evolution, you will attract who you reflect on the inside from your heart —- not necessarily who you are on a physical or material plain… So, until you’re not ready and prepared by God you will attract who you are in the phase of your life that you are in. Nothing to do with outside appearance —- God judges the heart not, man judges outside appearances.God’s True unconditional love vs man’s (the world’s) conditional love.
A milion likes for your response to normar, midorei. Spot on!
thanks Pearl!
Thank you for what you’ve. This is the best submit I’ve study
いきなり上役から辞令で転属なんてありがちです。ぺいぺいの立ち位置だと拒否れないから憂鬱です。そんな時は引越料金くらいは安くしたいものです。そこでやってみたい赤帽や単身パックの小さな引越しです。自分でやるという判断もありますが、やっぱり難儀です。業者に任せてお気軽に引っ越しするといいと思われます。
It make sense.. we have to stick with reality and love yourself. this is only thing you can make fall in love with yourself.