Dating Advice

You and Me against the World


What does this mean?

1. Believing in team ______ and ______.

Basically, it means that it doesn’t matter what other people think, if you make each other happy, if you have mutual care and respect for one another, then what else matters?

I was talking to a friend who was disappointed this Valentine’s Day. She got a phone call from her long distance boyfriend, and he told her he bought her a plane ticket. She wasn’t sad until all her coworkers kept asking her what he did for Valentines Day. Does it matter that everyone got a Valentine’s gift and she just got a phone call with him saying he loves her? Is that a need, that she gets something on Valentine’s day? If it is an expectation, she should just verbalize it to him. I think he’d be more than willing to make her happy next year. Men want to please the women they are with.

Does it matter that the ring he chose isn’t the glamorous thing your best friend wore when she was engaged?

Does it matter how grand and expensive your wedding is?

Just ask yourself, does this person make me happy? Does he have good intentions and motives? Does he prioritize me? If the answer is yes to all of these, then what else matters?

Why do other people’s opinions and expectations matter if you’re happy?

2. Not bad mouthing your partner to anyone.

You say, he messed up bad—and I need to vent! If you need to vent, go directly to your partner. Tell them what’s bugging you about their behavior or words. Fix it at the source.

Men want respect from their women more than anything. And what better way to show disrespect for him than to bad mouth him to your friends or even worse— your family.

One of my friends learned this lesson the hard way. She would always turn to her mom and dad any time her husband did something wrong. It’s no wonder they didn’t like the guy! She only ever came to them when she was in pain.

She’s actually the person who gave me this advice— to never use your family as a venting board for your problems with your spouse. It has really caused her spouse and her family to always remain distant and silently brewing/bitter.

3. Sacrificing yourself for the team.

To me a “couple” is a tri-fold entity. There are the two individuals that are involved and then the relationship is like their “baby.” It has to be nurtured, prioritized, given attention to above all things–sometimes this involves sacrificing individual needs for the benefit of the relationship. The problem occurs when one or both parties wants to prioritize themselves above the “baby.” Selfishness kills a relationship.

So many people are single and lonely.

So many people are coupled and lonely.

So many people are married and unhappy.

So many people are divorced and jaded.

If what you have doesn’t fall in any of the above categories, and you have a partnership where you are both mutually happy, respected, and cared for— isn’t what you have worth prioritizing?

Isn’t it worth protecting from the attacks of other’s opinions and expectations?

Isn’t it worth protecting each other’s reputations in front of friends and family?

Isn’t it worth protecting your relationship from selfishness?

There’s just something about being in a relationship that feels safe.

You got my back.

I’ve got yours.

I protect your name in front of my friends and family.

You protect me from the expectations and opinions of others.

We protect “us” from our own selfishness.

Why?

Because it’s you and me against the world.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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