Dating Advice

With the Gays, Who Pays?


Here’s a Reader’s Concern:

    Who do you think pays for the date? With breeders, I think it should be the guy. Call me old fashioned. But what about with fabulous gays like me?

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Some may respond, go dutch, or whoever asks for the date. I disagree COMPLETELY.

Here’s My Response:

I think you should offer to pay – to be a gentleman. Gay or not, being a gentleman comes with being a man. See if he counter offers to see if he is a gentleman too! I think it works the same way as when you go out with friends who pay for each other – someone offers, the other person yields, and you take turns “treating” each other out. If the last person who paid offers again, you say, “No, no. You gt the last one.” The point is to alternate but don’t do it to keep score.

This is the best way to do things because it gives you a chance to:

1. Show you are a gentleman.
2. See if the other person is a giver as well or JUST a taker.

You’ll get a feel of whether or not the exchange is pretty even, or if one person is doing most of the “taking” and the other is doing most of the “giving.” If the other person is just a taker, you are armed with this information of their character without having to go out of your way to find this out. (The best relationships are with two people who are both givers)

Why it doesn’t work to assume the party who asks, pays:

It doesn’t work to assume that the person who asks is the one who should pay. Why? Because it seems to punish the pursuer (instead of reward) and it makes it seem like the initiator has the short end of the stick, when they really shouldn’t because they are the one that took the risk and asked you out in the first place. It creates a “duty” and “responsibility” instead of a “desire” to treat someone. It always feels better to do something because you want to, not because you are expected to. It also doesn’t work on future dates because once there is mutual interest, you don’t really know who asked who out.

Why I STRONGLY OPPOSE GOING DUTCH

NEVER GO DUTCH.

It puts you on opposing teams, takes away intimacy. It has you fending for yourselves. It has the hidden, implied message – You take care of you. I take care of me. Which is the very opposite of what happens in a relationship, where you take care of each other. It’s just not a good way to start any would be relationship.

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. u know who

    u’re so wise. 🙂 alpha male power!

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