I’ve been the needy girl.

Maybe you’ve been there before ladies. I know I have. I liked this one guy years ago. All it took was him paying me a little bit of extra attention, and I was hooked. Over-analyzing everything he said, did, myspace stalking him, wondering who the girls were on his page and how significant they were. Wondering why his number one top friend was a non-related female. (duh) We went on a psuedo date. He had invited me somewhere and I thought it meant something, but in actuality I was not the only one he invited! It was like before he paid attention to me, I was actually more attractive to him…. because as soon as he paid me the little eensy weensy bit of attention I romanticized him, became too available, too nice, too congenial. Basically he could smell needy from a mile away.

I had a revelation.

Another reason why men get turned off when women are needy! So men are drawn to beauty, right? Well, since God is the one who makes the laws of the universe, HE is the one that determines what is truly beautiful. After they see past our outward beauty, I think men are seeking (unconsciously) this kind of beauty:

1 Peter 3:4

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

I think a gentle and quiet spirit is the opposite of

• anxious
• fearful
• worried
• stressed
• untrusting

and those are some of the things we feel when we are needy (because we are afraid of being alone, etc…) for a man’s attention! You know?!!

So I think no matter how beautiful we are on the outside, if we are needy, men won’t stick around because beyond that external beauty they are not finding that internal beauty that attracts men for the long haul. (imperishable beauty!)

I think I put too much attention on my outward beauty (which only gets men’s initial attention) and not enough attention on inward beauty (which captures a man’s attention long-term)…

So I’ve been praying this constantly:

Father God,

Help me not to make beauty my god. Help me to find my worth in how You view me and not my appearance. Help me to stay away from things that tempt me to idolize beauty. Help me to focus on developing real beauty– that of a gentle and quiet spirit, which I take to understand is a spirit that is trusting, unafraid, peaceful and not anxious, a soul at rest because it trusts in You. And help me Lord, even when all of the world thinks otherwise, to remember that this is the kind of beauty Nathan needs from me, the kind of beauty that the world needs from me. Help me to trust that this kind of inner beauty can transform me from the inside out.

What is attractive?

• A woman who doesn’t need a man, but wants a man. There’s a huge difference.

• A woman who has her own hobbies, goals and dreams, but she still prioritizes her man.
• A woman who can take care of herself, but who lets a man spoil her if he wants to.

Ne-Yo knows that woman:

Oo there something about just something about the way she moves
I cant figure it out, there’s something about her (about her)
Say oo there’s something about, that kinda woman wants you but dont need you
Hey, i cant figure it out, there’s something about her
Cuz she walk like the boss, talk like the boss
Manicured nalis, just like the pedicured roll?
She’s fly effortlessly
Cuz she move like a boss, do as a boss
Do, she got me thinking about getting involved
thats the kinda girl i need

She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Wont you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Love the way you shine
Miss independent

Oo there’s something about that a woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud, there’s something about her
there’s something oo so sexy about the kinda woman that dont even need my help
She sees she got it,she got it, no doubt, there’s something about her
Cuz she work like the boss, play like the boss
Car and a crib, she about to pay em both off
And her bills are paid on time
She made for a boss, Solely a boss,
Everything like, she telling em to get lost
That’s the girl that on my mind

She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Wont you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Love the way you shine
Miss independent

Her favourite thing, is to say don’t worry i got it
And everything she got, best believe she bought it
She gonna steal my heart, ain’t no doubt about it,
Girl your everything i need, said your everything i need

She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Wont you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Love the way you shine
Miss independent
That’s why i love her