Why Do You Like Him?
“The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
- Unknown
Do you ever notice a guy just because he notices you first? When I was in college, I realized this truth: Sometimes, women start liking men, simply because they like the feeling of being desired by a man. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with liking a man who liked you first, but the problem occurs when a woman cannot look past that, and see whether or not that man is actually worthy of her affection. Sometimes women blame men for being jerks later on, saying they were “smooth talkers.” These women’s ears ring at the beginning of their relationship from all the flattery that a man bestows.
“Has anyone ever told you that your eyes have golden specks in the sun?” “Man, you’re so beautiful, I can’t take my eyes off of you.” “You’re so amazing, I don’t know how I got so lucky.” “Sometimes you just leave me breathless.”
These are all wonderful sentiments, but they are all so one-sided. While appreciating his gushing praise and adoration, don’t forget to listen for cues that tell you what this man is all about, who he is, and what he’s like. Instant chemistry and attraction plus flattery does not equate a genuine gentleman.
Let me repeat:
“Chemistry/Attraction + Flattery/Adoration = Gentleman” can be a false equation.
I’m just saying it’s good to know that the man’s desire for you plays such a big role in you desiring him, and that it is simply not wise to evaluate a man in the height of these emotions. These feelings need to be taken with a grain of salt. Who is Mr. Flattery behind the flattery?
Case Study
Ellen, nurse in Sacramento
My friend Ellen met a guy at a get together with church friends. We’ll call him Harry. The first week they got together, Ellen was bouncing off the walls, telling all her friends about Harry, and even boldly saying, ” I think he’s the one!” Within a week, they had both met each other’s parents.
Fast forward to week two. In this short amount of time the sentiments changed drastically from “I think he’s the one,” to ”I can’t stand hearing his name! I’m not even attracted to him, what was I thinking?”
It’s a good thing she realized quickly that behind Harry’s flattery, he was a clingy, suffocating, and insecure guy. In hindsight, from the beginning she wasn’t even attracted to him, but his appeal came from his desire to be with her. If he never noticed her, she would’ve never noticed him.
July 1st, 2007 at 10:20 am
“Chemistry/Attraction + Flattery/Adoration = Gentleman”
I will presume you intended for the inclusion of the “/”’s to mean “or”. However within the context of a mathematical equation, the forward slash represents a division or fraction.
July 5th, 2007 at 7:53 am
I agree completely. I’ve done it before. This time, though, I am very interested in a guy and he doesn’t like me back and never has. I’m trying to not let him know I like him because I don’t want what you’re talking about to happen - becoming interested in somebody because they are interested in you first. Should I let him know my feelings or wait and see if he comes around to liking me on his own?
thank you.
July 9th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
This basically happened to me too. I dated a guy that could even have been called abusive and later, I couldn’t even tell what I had initially been attracted to. Now, whenever I like a guy, part of me wants them to like me back, but then I never know if I really like them, or if I like that they like me.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Thanks, now i know the difference between a charmer and a real man. =]]
November 16th, 2008 at 4:42 am
Yes, Im currently liking someone whos;
HOT
cool
totally unmissable
a badman
And, i think i like him beacuse hes hard to get !
November 16th, 2008 at 11:13 am
whoops, thanks for that mathematical correction, Max!
November 16th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I tend to fall for guys who don’t show their interest initially as well. I think I should write an article that is the opposite of this one: girls who fall for guys because they are hard to get:)
June 10th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
if you think about it.. everything he just said is true…
but how do i change this?? i dont think its in my hands , so how can i
change…
June 10th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I would suggest you read this article and make a list of your own so you know why you do like a guy:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/especially-for-women-a-list-for-the-new-year_678/
August 18th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
That almost happened to me once– I guess after being single for a while you jump on any opportunity, even if you’re not attracted to the guy, simply because you want someone… I agreed to one date, and afterwards I realized I didn’t really like him at all but just the idea of liking him.
January 27th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
This is such a frustrating problem of mine. It’s such a huge problem, that I’m unwilling to go into relationships from the fear that I’m accidently leading on the other person by accident. I don’t like the idea of dating someone because they showed initial interest.
It becomes tricky because I don’t naturally go after people romantically, so until somebody opens the suggestion, I usually assume things are platonic between us. That combined with the fact that I’m usually quite perceptive of other peoples intention (or at least assuming that others are interested)
Leads me down this horrible path. DO I REALLY LIKE THEM OR NOT?
It’s so confusing, especially when I can easily see myself becoming good friends with individuals. I need some solutions. At the moment, all I’ve thought about doing is:
“Since I’ll never know, it’s probably just a better idea to remove myself from the romantic scene completely and stay alone even if there is a strong desire to be close to someone”
January 28th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Kero, what would you be losing out if you pursued those men who see you romantically? You’re only leading them on if you say things you don’t mean or make promises you won’t keep, but hanging out with them is for the very purpose of seeing if you could see them romantically and to see what kind of men they are.
Read these articles:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/especially-for-women-a-list-for-the-new-year_678/
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/should-you-like-a-guy-you-would-have-never-noticed-had-he-not-liked-you-first_1374/
two other articles that might help:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/dating-advice-from-my-85yr-old-grandma_94/
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/perfection-will-not-come_1234/