what to do when she says no
Dating Advice

What to do When She Says No to Dating

Have you ever liked a girl?  Like really, really liked her? And you finally work up the nerve to ask her out and she says no?  What’s the next step…What to do when she says no?

Respect yourself and respect her.  Find a way to get over it and move on from it.  Don’t take it personally.  Even if you are not her cup of tea, it’s better to be you than to be the wrong flavor.

Girls would go in a completely different direction. We would think there was something wrong with us.  We would stalk him on social media, we would dissect the conversation and our feelings and what we think he felt in 10 different ways to 20 different girlfriends.  We would compare ourselves to his ex-girlfriends.  Then we would swallow the bitter pill of ‘No’ and move on.

Guys, it doesn’t have to be like that.  That’s the beauty of testosterone versus the roller-coaster of estrogen.  You have a one track mind.  So, find another track.  Find a focus that distracts you until that painful no is not at the forefront of your mind.

If you see her everyday at work or school or gym, smile, be cordial and polite, but don’t let your thoughts dwell on her.  Replace the thought of her with something else.

Take your thoughts captive.

Have something else set up to think about anytime she enters your mind.

In high school I dated a guy.  We broke up and I started dating someone else a few weeks later.  He wrote me a horribly nasty letter that made me cry, and told me he had cheated on me.  A few years later the group of kids we ran with connected and we all started hanging out again.  We went on some car rides, hung out and held hands, kissed a few times.  I thought maybe we were headed somewhere.

So, when he invited me to his high school graduation I went, looking as cute and feeling as happy as I could.  I walked into the main mingling area before the names were called and he was sitting on a bench with his arm wrapped around a petite and beautiful blonde.

A few weeks later, I still couldn’t get the sting out of my mind.  I asked a guy friend how he got over someone.

“Think about something else,” he told me. He said if he asked a girl out and she said no, or if he went through a break up, he used the same strategy. He would find something and cling to it in his thoughts.  She popped into his mind, he would think about fixing his car or what he was making for dinner that night.

I really think the power of our thoughts determines so much of our happiness.  We can choose to think toward the positive in hard circumstances and find reasons for gratitude.

Even when the perfect 10 in personality and looks says ‘No’.

We just have to take our thoughts captive and find a replacement for the space that the object of our attention took up.

Want more on the topic of being turned down?  What if she says she wants to be friends?  Take a look at this great advice offered by Midorilei here.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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