Sometimes it’s hard to be a traditional woman in the dating game. It’s hard because we have to wait. Men are the choosers, women are the chosen. Men get to chose from everyone. Women, choose from the men who’ve chosen them. The temptation is for women to get impatient and start acting as the choosers, and men to get lazy and start acting as the chosen. When this happens, neither party is really satisfied in their role because we just weren’t meant to fulfill the opposite role! (that’s a whole other topic)
After women’s lib, many women are confused. They think empowerment in the workplace translates to the the dating scene as well. Male and female roles are blurred, and women are now acting as the chooser.
So, that makes it even more difficult to sit put and wait, because men are now expecting to be the chosen instead of the chooser. Ahhhh! No one knows their role anymore.
More on this idea of choosing later.
This is what it means to love a woman:
I believe love is forever. Feelings are fleeting, so love can’t be a feeling. Basically, love is a choice. Here’s where it gets tricky. If a girl asks you, “Why do you love me?” Most guys would respond, “Because you’re _____, _____, _____,…” (attach appropriate adjective—sexy, attractive, smart, charming, etc.)
But that isn’t love. Love isn’t “I love you because…” Love is, “I love you.” Period. Because with the “because”, it’s always going to be conditional.
“I love you.” That’s it. It’s not based on anything involving the beloved but a commitment on the lover’s part. Yes there are variables that you love about this woman, but those can’t be the reason why you love her. If there are no other variables besides a choice and a commitment, it means that no matter how much the beloved changes, the love of the lover won’t change.
I wish there was another word, not the same word tossed around with football and pizza, prada shoes and shopping. But that’s what we have in the English vocabulary. It’s just up to us to revere it when used in the context of a relationship. I don’t want a man to tell me he loves me with the same careless breath he uses when he refers to ESPN.
I don’t want a man to tease me with “I love you’s” unless he means forever. My point? Don’t attach love to a condition, to an adjective that may change. It’s a choice that you’ve chosen her, not because of who she is right now (because that may change) but just because you’ve made your choice. And that choice happens to be her. I don’t think any of the ladies in waiting would mind the wait if this kind of man who understands this kind of love is out there, actively choosing, seeking to find her.
Note: This idea came from my favorite Pastor, Matt Chandler.