What Heartache Feels Like for a Man

It’s the season for carols, Christmas cheer, gift-giving and family parties. Everyone’s jolly, right???

With jazzy tunes, glowing Christmas lights and made-for-cuddling weather, it’s no wonder die-hard hopeless romantics love this season..

…Just not when you’re the guy who’s experienced heartbreak and this time of the year is just a not-so-subtle reminder that you are alone.

For all of you guys who are experiencing heartache during this time of the year, take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Maybe you’ll be able to relate to what these men have to say.

For all the women who are reading this, this is a chance for us to put ourselves in these men’s shoes. It’s my hope that with this two part series, we can all learn to empathize with the opposite sex.

Thank you to all my friends who have so graciously opened up the scar again– just so we can get a deeper understanding of human suffering.

Your words are painfully brilliant glimpses into the human heart.

Heartbreak is like…

literally getting your heart ripped straight out of your body. It is a flood of emotions that hit you all at once. First, disbelief and confusion run through your mind. Then the pain of feeling lost. Pain from knowing that youre going to have to learn to deal with not having this person in your life anymore. And anger. I guess it’s because part of it is feeling humiliated that some one so close to you can just make you feel so worthless. You start thinking, “I can’t ever feel like this for anybody else.”
When the one you were with gives you that smile showing you how happy they are with you… but after you lose them, you find her giving that smile to someone else…. you know it’s over. You know she is doing for him what she did for you and you’ll never have that back again. At that moment, you feel like someone else has the one thing that made you happiest.

I can say from a guy’s standpoint that heartache feels like losing a loved one to death.

…To see your loved one in the arms of another man.
…To know that your loved one is intimate no longer with you and you feel left out knowing that they are with someone else and you are now alone.
…To know that the person that you thought was going to be the mother of your children will now carry and raise the children of some other man, that your children will not go on to have her eyes, smile…
…To know that you never wanted anyone beyond them and you were set on spending your life with them, but that day will never come.
…To find the tasks you had planned together pointless now that you are alone.

It’s all pointless because she is gone and somehow it is all instantaneously irrelevant.

There will be no children to tell the story about how both of you met because that is irrelevant.

No more heartbeats together…

There is no going home.

You feel lost forever.

You feel shock, disgust, abandonment.

The person that you loved and was your best friend you realize you can no longer call up and tell them good news.

You realize not only have you lost them but their family as well.

And you feel a pain that you didn’t think was possible, well beyond physical pain, to where you wonder if it was better off if you had never met the person.
You wondering now who will take their place in your life, if ever, and if the new person would compare.

You’re afraid that the person that comes along will be second to that person.

You’re afraid that you will not be able to give them as much or care for them as much because you’ve been crushed and there is so much emotional scartissue. You feel it so much in your bones and miss the person and feel the loss so much that it feels like your heart will just completely fail on you…that is heartbreak…

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. Pingback: What Heartache Feels Like for a Woman | Dating Advice From A Girl

  2. Nathan

    Wow, you started a trend! Did you notice the January issue of Cosmopolitan? It has an article on “What a Man Feels Like When His Heart Is Breaking”.

  3. MidoriLei

    I can’t take the credit! I got the idea from an old Glamour magazine. The “Ask Jake” column had a first person testimony from a guy who’s girlfriend was leaving town. Sad. It inspired me!

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