Dating Advice

What about Online Dating?

The first time I went on an online dating search engine, one of two thoughts came to my mind:

1. I can see why you’re on here. (You can’t get a real-life date)
2. You’re too damn good-lookin’ to be on here. (Why can’t you get a real-life date?)

It’s a lose-lose scenario. Not attractive, but I’m sure he has nothing to hide (but his face)… or too attractive, but I’m sure he has something to hide (except his face).

Online dating, aka last resort?

I don’t know why this method of mating has no appeal to me. I’m almost ashamed to even admit I used the search engine. Why? Maybe because it’s not the best story to tell your grandkids. Instead of, “Yeah, he was my paramedic and he saved my life and we locked eyes and I was his damsel in distress and I knew we made a connection and…,” it’s “We met online.” End of story. Borrrring.

Besides the boring factor, online dating just seems so unnatural. Forced. Where did I get the idea that love just happens in a non-intentional, unobtrusive way? Put your hand on the wheel and it becomes more like a job application. I hate job applications.

I have a cousin who met her husband online. It happens. People find love online. So maybe this isn’t so much dating advice as it is a dating dilemma. How do I get over this phobia of internet hookups?

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  1. jacki

    Speaking from experience (not mine, but close enough), one of the main attractions of online dating is how you can be anyone you want. You can project just those traits that you think the other person wants, or even make up a completely new identity. Not that everyone you meet online is a fake. I think there are many honest people who date online and don’t even realize they are not being truly *themselves*.

    And even if you are honest about your faults with the person you are dating online, those faults don’t pack nearly the punch as they would with a *real, live* boyfriend or girlfriend. I know a man who continued dating a girl online for several months after she had told several things about herself that he wouldn’t have been able to stand in real life! Only he was able to conveniently ignore those traits, because he didn’t actually have to live with them, see?

  2. Nathan

    I’ve had a few friends, and even my mother get married to people they met online. I don’t see “online” dating as necessarily being anything unique unto itself, but rather just another method of getting to know someone. Relationships are built by developing a close bond and friendship, regardless of medium. We shop online, we learn online, we email, we chat. Those things are common, every-day activities, not an entirely different world.

    I enjoy good conversation, a witty email exchange, or someone simply to connect with. Why should we limit our interactions to people who happen to be in our zip code? To me, it’s just a natural extension of what we already do. Convergence of the online with offline.

  3. MidoriLei

    Thanks for that insight Nathan. I wrote this back in 2007 and my opinion about online dating has definitely changed. Although I have yet to meet someone in person, I have definitely chatted and talked to some of the most interesting men I know!… And… they’re CUTE to boot! I had to just see it as another form of meeting people, not unlike any other way… the stigma is definitely dissolving:)

    Now maybe now I won’t be so hesitant to bring it from online to offline like you mentioned:)

  4. Lydia

    Speaking from experience (mine!), I think that online dating can be a wonderful way to meet great people that you wouldn’t have met otherwise due to geographical distance. The KEY, however, is to take the friendship offline as soon as possible. That is, meet up in real life right away. People, especially women, should be careful, of course, and take safety precautions, but I would say that if a guy doesn’t want to initiate a meeting within the first 3 e-mails or chats, she shouldn’t continue talking to him. You can never REALLY know how it’s going to go until you actually spend some face time. Too often people can use an internet dating venue as a way avoid “real” relationships, and you don’t want to get stuck in a situation like that. Use it as a launching point, not a crutch, and internet dating sites can be very useful. I met in person at least 3 men that I found on dating sites and, while none of them worked out in the end, my dating life was enhanced in a way it never would have been just by dating men that I might have met in my own small town.

  5. Krista

    Ok, I decided to leave a comment (which I normally DO NOT do). I met my current boyfriend online – eharmony to be specific. It was actually the result of my being tired of meeting the same kind of guys all the time, my best friend just getting married, and one of my friends/dates from college getting engaged to a girl he met from this website. I was pretty skeptical like you, and a 4th reason for my signing up was out of curiosity and I wanted to establish my own opinion of online dating. I met a bunch of guys.. who like you said were either too good looking (wonder why he’s single) or I knew exactly why they were single. However after a few weeks of using the website, I was about to give up… until this one guy contacted me. I was nonchalant, and almost did not care to start any kind of communication with him, but I let him lead. We became very VERY good friends, and friends we remained until different circumstances brought us each to move to the same town. (we were from different states – and we did not move because of each other). We finally met, which was awkward.. but by our 2nd date, we felt as though we were brought together for a reason. We have been dating for about 5 months now… and it’s going great. So I say, if in doubt give it a shot! It seems that God works in mysterious ways… and in the 21st century, the internet seems to be one of those ways!

  6. MidoriLei

    I’m happy for you Krista!

  7. Maria b

    well whats wrong with onlinedating ?
    I have many friends who have found dates and bf/gf’s there.
    Ok – online dating is just as hard as offline dating, but at least you can really find people who are a match for you.
    Search options are great, and just the fact that you can think your responce over once again, before replying, makes online dating perfect… i think 🙂

    online/offline dating ? I would put my bet on both and just get into the game

  8. carol

    well, online dating continually evolves and improves overtime. they are a lot more fun to use and there’s plenty of decent guys and girls who are now using online dating sites, partly due to the ease of use.

    apparently, love really happens. =)

  9. Phu

    Have you ever heard someone say that the more you act interested in a women the less likely she is to be interested in you? If you are still struggling on this notion, and want to learn how to attract women without looking needy

  10. Audrey Burne

    Here’s how to win here. Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aspirations. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships.

  11. That guy

    The appeal to me for online dating is that i live in a small town, so there’s already not many options. most girls i date are from an hour away. i don’t go to bars, i don’t party (i’m not a nerd or anything, i just don’t find that fun), so i have no way to really MEET anyone. its difficult to just go to town and walk around and talk to a random person u think is pretty. online dating lets u kinda shop around and find someone who seems like they’re good

  12. MidoriLei

    That guy, online dating seems like the perfect solution to your situation!

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