Understanding the Alpha Male

Some men may read “Alpha male” and immediately feel intimidated.

I think it’s because there’s a misunderstanding of what an alpha male is.

If you’re introverted, maybe you’re assuming that you can’t be an alpha male.

That’s not true.

Alpha male has NOTHING to do with personality.

An introvert can most definitely be an alpha male.

An extrovert can be what we call a “beta” which is the opposite of an alpha male.

Betas can be needy, clingy, unsure, indecisive, people pleasers… OR they appear to be that way.

History Changed Everything

Have you noticed that over the past half a century, our society has lost a great number of alpha males?

I really think it was easier for men to be alpha males back in the first half of the century when they knew CLEARLY what their role was in a relationship.

They knew that they were the sole provider, and that gave them a sense of worth.

After women entered the work place and women felt empowered, I think men didn’t know their place anymore.

If she can provide for herself, am I no longer necessary? She doesn’t need me.

Feeling unneeded can wreak all sorts of havoc on a man’s psyche and confidence.

That’s why I want to scream at the top of my lungs to any man who’s reading this. Women may work now….


  • Your calm, assertive leadership is needed.
  • Your ability to reason and put aside all emotion, that’s needed.
  • Your ability to focus on one thing and hammer at it until it’s completed, that’s needed.
  • Your ability to speak wisdom into our lives that gives us another point of view that is often times very different from ours, that’s needed.

  • Your masculine strength and fearlessness is needed.

  • Your ability to take risks and dive right in without vacillating, that’s needed.

  • Your ability to see the big picture and not be overwhelmed that you don’t know all the steps to get there, that’s needed.
  • Your analytical mind.
  • Your creative genius.
  • Your logical reasoning.
  • The way you can simplify what sometimes seems so complex to a woman, that’s needed.
  • Your ability to fully back your decisions 100% and move forward confidently. That’s needed.
  • Your quick wit.
  • Your mathematical genius.

Maybe you can relate to some of these things. Maybe you’re thinking, That’s me! I do that! but maybe you can’t relate to it all. That’s okay. Every man has many of these traits. But no man has them all. Some women have these traits too, but many of these are predominantly masculine traits.

Above all, you are needed because…

We want companionship with someone who is not like us.

If, somewhere down the road, you’ve been fed this message that you’re no longer valuable or needed to a woman,

I beg to differ.

Sacrificial, calm-assertive male leadership.

We desperately need it in our world.

We desperately want it in our relationships.

The Difference Between Alpha and Beta

Betas Project:

    “I need you, and if you don’t say yes, I don’t know if I’ll be okay.”

Alphas Project:

    “I want you, but if you don’t say yes, I’ll be fine.”

Betas are intimidated by women and ask questions in their heads like,

    “I wonder if she likes me?”

Alphas see women as equals. They don’t ask questions. Instead they move straight into action,

    “She’s cute. I’m going to talk to her.”

Betas pretend they don’t really want you until they they clearly know you’re interested.

    They get lost in the friend zone.

Alphas make it clear right away. They know what they want (you) and they are going to go after it.

    If a woman isn’t interested, they move on instead of falling into the friend zone, or they keep playfully pursuing but never become just an emotional support for a woman.

Betas think women have the upper hand.

Alphas know they are valuable as men.

Betas think that because they don’t look like Thor, they are going to have a hard time getting the girl.

Alphas know that looks aren’t everything, and having confidence and charisma (leadership, authority, influencial qualities) will get them farther with a woman than having looks.

Betas don’t see the connection between their dating life and their work life.

Alphas know that proving they are responsible in other areas of their life (finances, work ethic, family) makes them a better partner.

Betas complain that women only date rich men.

Alphas want to make money because they know that down the road their wife is more likely going to want to have the option to stay home with the kids. Alphas embrace this challenge to be the primary breadwinner.

Betas complain that women only date big muscular guys.

Alphas know that the most important thing isn’t having big muscles, but having the attitude that if trouble comes, you will always do everything in your power to protect your woman, and you will never run away from a fight.

Once a Beta secures a woman, he is constantly afraid he will lose her. He thinks that if he can make his girl jealous by mentioning some other girl, he will have her wrapped around his finger.

Alphas are confident in their own ability to keep a woman satisfied so they make a woman feel like she’s the only woman on earth.

Want to know more about the alpha male?

Maybe you missed these past posts:

What a Man Can Apply to Relationships Based on His Relationship with His Dog

How to be More Confident Around Women

All Hail the Alpha Male

Empower Your Inner Alpha Male: What You Can Learn from Christian Grey of 50 Shades of Grey

You Too, Dear Gentlemen, Have the “Cookie”

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. Scratch

    I feel you’ve nailed it brilliantly. I’d like to add something which ties up with number 7: “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.”

    An alpha male is never, ever, a bully, except towards somebody who is a bully. A bully is a tragically insecure beta who is only capable of feeling big by making someone else feel small. An alpha male has nothing to prove, and would prefer to keep it quiet out of politeness.

    There are plenty of alpha females around – gals with big round balls like the guys’. (Naming no names.)

    • MidoriLei


      Thank you so much for adding that! What a brilliant point.

      Now, what would you say about how men feel about “alpha females?”

  2. Scratch

    They’re like beauty queens.

  3. Scratch

    Being like that makes a woman beautiful, and men want to marry them.

  4. Scratch

    Alpha females are:

    – dashing
    – beautiful
    – dangerous
    – charismatic
    – earthy
    – witty
    – commanding
    – brave
    – scary
    – just
    – good
    – compassionate
    – understanding
    – inclusive
    – modest

    • MidoriLei


      Is it possible for an alpha male and an alpha female to coexist happily? I thought there was only room for one alpha.

  5. Scratch

    If there is cooperation, not competition. Independence and togetherness. That’s what I believe the recipe is. Two strong alpha explorer warrior adventurer types? Sounds great to me… the stuff of heroes. Both have to be secure in themselves. That’s probably the challenge.

  6. Scratch

    Sometimes a woman can be sweet, shy and retiring, and still be an alpha female. She can still have all the qualities I listed.

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