Traits to Avoid in People You Date
September 14th, 2009 by MidoriLei
Photo by sue_r_b via stock.xchng
This is a three part list actually taken from the awesome dating book, Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Thanks to Nathan, one of my blog readers, who sent this book to me as a gift!
Destructive Personal Traits to avoid:
- Acts like he/she has it all together instead of admitting weakness and imperfection
- Is religious instead of spiritual
- Is defensive instead of open to feedback
- Is self-righteous instead of humble
- Apologizes instead of changes
- Avoids working on problems
- Demands trust instead of proving himself/herself trustworthy
- Lies instead of telling the truth
- Is stagnant and not growing
- Is an addict
- Is duplicitous
Destructive Interpersonal Traits:
- Avoids closeness
- Thinks only about himself/herself instead of the relationship and the other person
- Is controlling and resists freedom (in dating this includes not respecting your limits in the physical realm)
- Flatters
- Condemns
- Plays “one up” or acts parental
- Is unstable over time
- Is a negative influence
- Gossips
- Is overly jealous and suspicious
- Negates pain
- Is overly angry
Traits to Avoid Based on Psalm 101:2-8– People who practice…
- faithlessness
- perversity
- evil
- slander
- pride
- deceit
- wickedness
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I’m actually an atheist, but recently stumbled upon your blog. I find your advice to be very good and agree with just about everything I’ve read so far. Even in this post, where you use the bible as a reference I actually agree with everything except the prescription to avoid the faithless (for obvious reasons). The prescription against dating the perverse is also debatable, but I think it’s still a good idea to avoid the perverse if you are not perverse yourself.
My ex-wife had several of these traits. Had I recognized them at the beginning of our relationship, I would have avoided her instead of marrying her. I learned a lot through our marriage, so I’m not regretting it. I just wish I had learned the lessons before being given the test, but that’s the way life is.