The Rules of Texting Women: Part 2 – Do You Have the Right Mindset?

Smiling Girl With Braces Texting On Cell PhoneCute Guy Texting Crop

Before we begin, here’s a little side note about where this blog is heading:

    The Art of Charm guys pointed out a statistic that shocked me:

      10 % of the guys get 90% of the women.

    So many more single men have been commenting on my site that I feel compelled to understand the world of pickup artists. I want the nice guys on my site to get the inside scoop on how to get women so that women aren’t falling for just pick up artists. I want the nice guys to be in the running!

    I think there’s a lot of valuable information out there, and although many of it is used with the wrong motives, I think if given to the right guys, it can be used for good, to attract and keep women for the long haul. That’s my goal in sharing this stuff. I want to separate the good stuff from the stuff that is deceitful, malicious or just outright game playing.

    For all the single women who read my blog, you’ll get the inside scoop so you’ll at least know what’s going on. My hope is that it will make you more discerning with men. I’ll still have articles to help you attract men. And for all the coupled men and women readers, there’s still more for you, since I’m in that stage and will always have something to say about long term relationships.

This is a continuation of the last post, again material taken from episode #115 of the Art of Charm with some of my thoughts in the mix. For more information, check out

Today we’re talking about mindset. I wanted to write a completely separate article on mindset because it’s so important. It might even be more important than what you actually text.

It’s not about just the script, but the mindset.

Check out these statistics: 60% of communication is body language. 33% is vocal tonality. 7% is words, logical content.

With texting, you remove the 60%, and the 33%. All you have is the 7%. But because your mindset impacts your words and how you come across, it’s important to be in the right mindset.

With mindset comes the wisdom of how to say it and when to say it.

How to be in the right mindset:

1. Send it and forget it.

    Don’t sit there with your phone in your hand going, Oh yeah, that’s a good one. I wonder what she’s going to say…

    It’s going to tempt you to send a follow up text, “So what do you think?” That’s not good. It shows you’re literally sitting there doing that. Waiting around. People can tell when you’re literally hanging on to every word they say and are too quick to respond.

    It also doesn’t bode well with your psyche if you’re sitting there thinking, Did she get it? What is she thinking? Does she like it? Do I sound like a loser? I shouldn’t have sent that. Is she out? Is she thinking about me?

    You don’t want to be the guy worried and anxious. Worry and anxiety? Two words that don’t fare well with the idea of a manly guy. If you don’t send it and forget it, you’re going to thinking, Did she respond to each of my texts? Was it within 15 minutes? This stuff does not help your game.

2. Meet a lot of women.

    Many guys may be shocked that I encourage men to date and pursue multiple women, given my “traditional” stance on relationships. I don’t think pursuing multiple women makes you a player. You become a player when you commit to one but don’t drop the others. Really, no woman has a claim on you until you become exclusive. Once you reach that point, it’s important to be a one woman kinda guy.

    But, until one sticks around and you both want to see each other exclusively, or at least one of them shows interest and you want to focus all your attention on her, then why not text multiple women! While you’re waiting for one girl to take real interest in you, text all of those women! If you meet a lot of women, it’ll be easier to do the first point: to send it and forget it. Plus you’ll have the added benefit of not looking needy just because you’re not putting all your eggs in one basket.

3. Remember it’s not a big deal.

    This is texting. This is as low risk as it gets. If she doesn’t text back right away, or at all, or is in a bad mood, don’t get angry! Don’t get emotionally reactive! Don’t let any of it screw with your confidence. It’s just a text. It’s like getting pissed off about getting dumped by your girl friend in second life. Or the Sims. If you’re doing point number 2, it will help you remember point number three. No response from Sue? Next. Move on to Trish, or Rachel, or that hot librarian who reminds you of Kate Bosworth. What was her name?

4. Take risks.

    Become a social scientist. If you’re not sure about what reaction you’re going to get or if it’s appropriate, send it anyway. You want to use that more with fresh people, strangers. A girl who you just met. You can get away with more with strangers. You don’t have much to lose. Worse case scenario, you can just be like, “Whoops, sorry! wrong person!”

5. Don’t give up too easily.

    You know how if somebody’s in a bad mood, it does’t matter what you say, you’re already going to be kinda annoyed with them? Remember this when or if you get cranky text message responses. People, especially women, filter their conversations based on their mood. So if she just got in a fight with her dad, didn’t get the promotion she’s waited 6 months for, and was stuck in traffic for two hours, and then she gets a text from you, like “I can’t hang out with you because you’re trouble” she might be like “Fine! F**k you!” So keep that in mind. And for crying out loud, USE emoticons. They help in keeping things light and playful. They help add to that 7%. They help a woman differentiate between joking and being serious. That same phrase with an emoticon smiley face might have gotten a different response.

6. Think before you text.

    This point can be likened to “think before you speak.” Unlike with talking though, it’s not just a distant memory that a woman can replay in her mind. It’s literally something she can read over and over and over again forever. What does he mean by this? Does he mean… or does he mean? What is he trying to get at? She can call an emergency girl friend meet up like Carrie and her clan from Sex in the City to hyper analyze the entire thing. The point is…

    With this in mind, before you click send, ask yourself, Is there any other way this could be interpreted? It’s texting, and although it is low risk, you can’t take it back.

How do you know if you’re texting too much?

These are four important points. If you are noticing 3 out of the 4, then you’re in trouble. If you’re only noticing 1 or 2, you’re probably fine.

  • Her responses are slow- an hour and a half, a day.
  • She isn’t engaging or “hooking” (asking questions back or going along with the banter),responding, or investing in the conversation.
  • One word replies. “yup” “cool” “nice” “sweet” “uh-huh” – just being polite
  • She doesn’t initiate conversation ever.

If the opposite is happening, then you’re doing it right.

If she’s saying “When are we going to hang out?!” That’s the clearest indication that she wants to go on a date. She won’t get any clearer than that. She won’t be like, “Take me out on a date. Tomorrow. 8 pm.”

How to Respond to Two Common Texts

“Who is this?”

    If she doesn’t even remember you, say something silly like,

    “lol your future ex-husband!”

    It’s cool because it will compel her to respond either way, even if it’s a sour response. You’re at least still in the game. She will be curious because it’s a little puzzling for her. It shows interest (husband) but also shows that there’s still room to find out if it leads anywhere or NOT. (“ex”) Then you can go straight into logistics. Don’t be like “Duh, it’s Steve.” or “Waaahh, you don’t remember me?” or just “Jordan.” That’s no fun.

“You’re such a player. I bet you say this to all the girls.”

    With all the light banter and “flexting” you’re going to be throwing out there, a girl’s going to wonder how you got to be so damn charming. And so she’ll throw this loaded statement your way. Here’s how to dodge it like a freakin’ genius!

    “What about players do you find so attractive?”

    It’s pointing the finger away from you. It’s also not really answering her question so she’ll think you’re a little bit mysterious because you’re not very direct.

    or you can go with it in a I’m-totally-a-player kinda fashion:

    “I’m down at church picking up old ladies right now.”

    It’s so outlandish that she’ll be like he’s totally not a player. But it’s way more fresh, light and funny than just saying, “I’m not a player!”

    Whatever you do, don’t be like, “Why do you think I’m a player?” That points the finger directly at you, in a negative light. That will just get her enumerating the reasons why. She’ll be like, hmmm, well… and then she’s automatically in negative thought mode with you as the subject. You’ll be in a lot of trouble.

Guys, I 100% agree with this entire post. And the last post. If you don’t remember anything just remember not to ever text her, “what’s up?” As a woman, I can’t STAND when people text me “what’s up?” Not just guys, but anybody. It’s such a lame waste of my time when I get those texts. It makes me feel like the other person is bored out of their mind and needs something to do, but is too lazy to think of something more. That person is putting no effort and is basically asking me to put out all the effort with a thoughtful text. Ehhh!!!! That is my biggest texting pet peeve! I don’t even dignify it with a response. EVER.

Okay, gentlemen, ready to start flexting??!!! 🙂

If you want private, personal advice on your specific situation, I offer email and phone consultations. Click here to learn more.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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