The Rules of Texting Women: Part 1- Why and How

Save this kind of sap for when you're IN a relationship

This information is so invaluable! It is powerful, and coming from a woman, I’m telling you, it works! These rules below only apply to women you have just met or women you are currently NOT in an exclusive relationship with. After you’re in a relationship, you can text whatever you want!

Here’s a piece of advice: remember that texting can quickly become addictive and before you know it, you’re way over your limit. To prevent your monthly bill to skyrocket, think about the T-Mobile prepaid phone plans or any other prepaid phones. Prepaid minutes and texts will help you keep track of your phone usage.

This entire post comes from the information of this podcast: The art of charm: episode #115 For more information, check out

For those who like to read and see bullet points and lists, these next two posts are jam packed with goodies directly from the podcast. Enjoy!

So, Why Should You Text Women?

  • Because women text twice us much as they talk on the phone. Texting is their preferred method of communication. You gotta meet them there.
  • Texting is the most convenient way to communicate. Noise isn’t a barrier. Being in a classroom isn’t a barrier. You can do it anywhere. You can get a hold of anybody at all times.

  • You have time to think of your answers or your approach. You don’t have to text back immediately. It allows guys to take their time to break down their interaction and allow their wit to catch up with their tongue. You build up your banter muscles. You can take a pause. So if you’re not quick witted, texting banter is the best.
  • It’s such a small investment of time and energy.

  • You have the fasted response time. (compared to email, call backs)

  • You can text multiple girls at the same time.

So are you convinced that it’s time to get “textually active?!”

The Rules of Texting Women:

1. Only use texting for logistics and light banter.

    The playful vibe is the most important thing to communicate. You only should use texting to flirt, keep a girl interested or talk about logistics- how/when you’re going to meet up.

    Anything deeper than this is TMI for texting. It’s NOT to start an emotional connection. Why? Because having an emotional connection over the phone doesn’t create the immediacy of a meetup. Make the emotional connections in person.

    With texting, you can be bolder than in person, because there are no social consequences. Because it’s a private conversation, you don’t have to worry about reactions of onlookers. Or embarrassing her. It’s like whispering in public as opposed to talking normally. You’re just able to be bolder.

    Flirt over text: “Flexting”

    Once the attraction phase is over, move straight into logistics. After “Hey let me take you out,” go straight into logistics. Make the date. Done.

    No repoire. No sharing over text.

    Remember, texting has two phases: the attraction phase. Then the logistics phase.

2. Be original.

    Use cute nicknames, like, “What’s up Eskimo?” You have to have a nickname. Most other guys aren’t throwing out cocoa taco, banana pants. It puts a smile on her face. She’s thinking of you. Nicknames also accelerate intimacy because you don’t use nicknames for people you never are going to see again. This creates comfort and escalates the intimacy. It also creates a little inside joke. And that builds trust and familiarity.

    Here are some other nicknames: cracker pants, snuggles maggee, princess sparkles. The sillier, the better.

    Unleash your inner dork.

    The more silly, adventurous, playful, or the more you can be a little kid or a little boy over text, the better the responses are.

    So the rule is, you are a fourth grader and if it makes you smile thinking it or typing it, it’s going to make her smile.

3. If you aren’t smiling while you’re texting it, it’s boring.

    You don’t want to be that generic guy who she’s getting tons of texts from, who’s chewing up her unlimited text plan. Be the guy who she’s like “This is the gem of all the crap I’ve been getting all week.”

    Never ask “Hey what’s up?” Nobody likes to respond to those kinds of texts.

    When you start talking about logistics, you can throw out silly texts like, “Don’t wear your leg warmers. This isn’t that kind of bar:)” or “If you don’t bring me a cowboy hat, we’re totally broken up.”

    The sillier and more outlandish the text, the more she will realize you’re not being serious, and you’re a funny, fun guy. Girls just wanna have fun remember?

    These two texts also have the added benefit of implying that she’s coming, encouraging her to comply.

4. If you can’t bring it when you’re in person, then these tips are worthless.

    This is self explanatory. You have to work on your in person banter too, otherwise she’s going to be like, “Who was texting me? And what did you do with him?”

5. Keep the texting ratio about one-to-one. Don’t text back until she’s texted back.

    Keep the exchange even. One for one. Don’t be that guy who texts, “Did you get my text?” You have to mirror her amount of communication. This isn’t a hard and fast rule, but a good rule of thumb especially when you’re starting out. Remember, texting is a dance. You can’t move forward without her following along, reciprocating.

6. Don’t forget what the purpose is.

    The purpose is to work towards a meetup.

    If it’s not moving towards a meet up, by gaining her attraction through banter/flirting ( the setup for the logistics)– or discussing logistics, DON’T send it.

    Don’t be like “So, Grey’s Anatomy is like so rad.” This is an example of being personal/informational. You’re not being witty, not being flirty. Don’t send informational or personal texts.

    Another example of a big no no is, “So tell me about school!” That’s when you’ve officially broken the rules of texting and worse yet, you’ve officially become boring.
    You’re going to fall into the trap that many guys get into where they have all their conversations on facebook/email/texting but they don’t translate into face to face dates.

    Remember the purpose is to reengage and get them more open to the idea of a meet up.

    The other purpose is to stay on her mind, just to keep her thinking of you.

    Having this casual, playful, flirty texting relationship with a girl will more likely make her open to meeting up than if you were to just text her out of the blue just talking about the logistics of meeting up.

    Be that guy who has the power of bringing a smile to her face every couple of days. You want to be that guy who she’s thinking, “Oh I hope he texts me back.” Instead of “Oh I hope it’s not this guy.” That guy is the guy with unoriginal, unthought out, lazy texts like, “What’s up?”

7. Get an unlimited text plan.

    You’re going to use the 100 text plan in two days. You need to make sure the women in your life are being communicated with regularly.

8. Wording is key.

    If you’re going to text, make an effort, or don’t do it at all!

    Stuff every generic guy says: “Hey what’s up?” “Anything going on tonight?” “What’s going on tonight?” “What’s the plan for tonight?”

    Hot girls receive that all the time. So instead of “What’s up?” “How’s your day?” “What’s going on?”…Instead go, “Hey princess sparkles, what’s shakin?” That will set you apart from the rest!

    Ridiculous. But it sets you apart! The more ridiculous the better.

9. Tease her. Find every opportunity to frame it up like she’s hitting on you.

    Stuff like, “ Seriously you should really stop flirting with me so much! Jk don’t actually stop” She’ll be like, “Oh I didn’t know I was flirting haha.” And this gets her in that mindset, plants a seed in her mind so she starts questioning it.

    Am I flirting with him? Why am I flirting with him?
    It’s a silly way to put a thought in her mind–Maybe I am flirting with him. Maybe that is what I’m doing. Why am I doing this? What is my goal?

    Remember, girls don’t know what they want. It’s your job to convince them that what they want is you.

    Also, double entendres are important. (look it up here.) It’s an innocent way to throw in some sexual innuendo without being blatantly pervy.

10. Text her within hours of meeting her.

    Her memory of you will be quickly disappearing, especially if she’s a hot girl who gets asked her number multiple times in a day. You want your memory to be fresh. You don’t want the whole, “Who is this?” There is no three day rule. In three days she will know you’re following the three day rule if she remembers you, or she won’t remember you! Either way you lose. Texting is not a game. It’s a means to get her to meet up with you. It’s a way to build attraction through “flexting” and light banter. And most important, it’s THE way to bring a smile to her face every so often!

    The next post will talk more about what to say if she does throw out the “Who is this?” text. There’s a way to smooth your way past this awkward response.

If you’re interested in more topics like “creating urgency so she’s more interested in meeting up,” “making her comfortable enough to meet up using only text,” or “using Facebook and other social networks to add more dimension to your communications,” check out The Text Book, at

If you want private, personal advice on your specific situation, I offer email and phone consultations. Click here to learn more.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. Dating Blog

    This is a great guide on txting women.

    I always find that brevity is key and less is often more.

    I just about fell off my chair in laughter at the thought of someone sending that text just after a first meeting.

    Keep it up! 🙂

  2. Will

    As a guy, I agree with all but step 3. Clever, fun, and direct wording by text is manly and attractive.

    The test for silly and outlandish should be that no emoticon is necessary to communicate the intended sentiment.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *