I realized that I may have not ever mentioned this. I give dating advice as you all know, but what is this all for? Let me share with you how I found out the point of all this.
I had my first boyfriend at the tender age of 13, when my parents (bless their heart) shipped me off to the Philippines for a year so I could learn my culture, language and appreciate the luxuries and blessings of living in America. Well, little did they know that their innocent little 13 year old would meet a 16 year old boy who would be the first boy she ever kissed, the first boy who would ever break her heart, the first boy who would make her cry in a huddle with her two bestfriends because he had chosen to break up with her in public with all his friends watching.
It was quite traumatic being that young and being introduced to a world where boys could in one moment create an exhilarating heart-pumping, I-can’t-believe-he-notices me high and the next moment bring you crashing down to the extreme polar opposite low where you are scampering on the ground helplessly picking up broken pieces of your heart.
And this is the world that I was introduced to, by the boy we nicknamed “The tantalizer-” his gaze was just that- tantalizing. piercing your heart with just a glance.
I came back to the states a different person, afraid of the power that boys could have over me.
And then I met Nathan.
His eyes were a deep blue, so different from the piercing eyes of the boy who broke my heart. His eyes were kind, soothing like the sea. His presence was calming, steady, and predictable like the ocean’s waves crashing on the shore. He never knew my heart had just been traumatized. I didn’t want to get hurt ever again. All I wanted to do was have fun.
So one day, we sat down and he asked me, “Do you know what the point of dating is?”
Without hesitation I answered, “Yeah, to have fun!”
He smiled and added, “Yes, that’s part of it, but it’s to find the person you were meant to marry.”
And he was right. And he is right. And 13 years later, after 12 years of separation, 4 months of phone conversations into the wee morning hours, and 13 months of dating but living in different cities…
we will finally. finally. finally get to the point of all this…
July 31, 2010- 14 years after we started dating… we will get married.
And THAT is the point of dating. To find the one you want to become one with.
Just in case we start thinking that having fun with the opposite sex is the point…
There’s something much greater in store. Something that God uses specifically to mold men and women into better versions of themselves.
Marriage has such a bad rap in our media.
Yet it is so beautiful.
For men who have to constantly be strong and hard, resilient and capable in the world, a wife is an oasis of constant affection; she is a place of rest where you can finally take off your armor and just be comforted by her tenderness and love.
For women who never feel like they are desirable enough or good enough, or beautiful enough, or smart enough, a husband is an endless source of encouragement, he is a place of refuge, a reminder that you can stop striving. That you already are everything he desires.
And for both husband and wife, marriage is a safe haven where you have the freedom to be naked and known, fearless and shameless. A place to verbalize and try all your sexual fantasies because you have a lifetime to explore your sexuality.
Marriage is a sacred place where you can truly discover and appreciate pleasure because sex will always be readily available and accessible.
So to end with….and to prepare us for this great gift of marriage…
Here are two of the BEST sermons on what our roles are in marriage:
For the women:
For the men:
(note to my future husband: baby I can’t wait to let the whole world know that I belong to you! Thank you for choosing me.)