Dating Advice

The Peril Of The Good Looking Man

I met a guy. A wonderful, stay-all-day, pack a-lunch-and-a-dinner-while-you’re-at-it-and-stay-awhile kinda guy that just makes you think, “Lord, have mercy! Closest thing to Adam (manly perfection) since, well, Adam!” Ladies, I don’t know if you’ve been in the presence of such a man as this. The Baldwin Brother meets Tom Hanks all-around good guy. I find an initial universal agreement of thought when a woman first meets such a man. Fear of malice. Doubt. Reservations. The upturned eyebrow accompanied with the unspoken thought, ” Are you genuine?”

Somehow because of the effect of our media- absorbed society and scars from our past experiences, we have subtly disassociated (use another word that means limbs are removed from body) the words “good-looking guy” from “good guy.” Media stereotypes like Joey from the TV show Friends and his one liner, “So how you doin?!” are constant reminders of this fallacy that good-looking men lack a genuine spirit of good intentions when it comes to women.

On the other hand, some plain, crowd-blending men along with some even remotely hideous males meet women and are more readily trusted. Jerks lurk behind that ugly face too, dear. I have a friend who’s ex-files are filled to the brim with ugly jerks and the man she married is gorgeous and a gentleman. Ladies, isn’t this encouraging?! All the jerks broke her heart while the gorgeous hubby-to-be caught her by surprise and whisked her away into the envied lifestyle of permanent coupledom. Like most women, she took one look at hunky hubby-to-be and presumed ill. So, she made it hard for him; she made him work for her. Then he stuck around for the challenge. In the past, she had made it easy for the other guys she dated because she assumed they weren’t jerks, but they all took off later. Like my grandma always used to tell me, “If you follow, they will run; if you run, they will follow.” But that’s another topic for another day!

All I’m saying is that looks are deceiving, but if the drop-dead gorgeous man makes you somewhat wary, and that in turn causes you to make yourself the challenge that you are, then by all means, be wary! On the opposing end, just don’t assume that behind every average Joe lies a heart of gold either. Both guys should have to work equally hard for you. It will benefit you both in the long run, because admit it, guys appreciate what they work hard for!

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  1. surferdude

    Heres the big difference between female shallowness and male shallowness. Men get blamed for being “visual” or “shallow” but in reality women, like the writer of this article are much more shallow. Let me explain. Women are the choosers AND rejectors. They are the selective ones. Men aren’t. Men have an infinite number of sperm. Women a finite number of eggs. By nature, women are much more selective. That is why it matters what a man does for a living. How much money he makes. How much power he has etc etc. But women are also JUST as visual as men.

    But here is the difference. Men mostly look at women’s bodies. Biologically speaking. It’s almost subconscious. Scientists say it’s the hip to waist ratio that signals fertility. A high hip to waist ratio can be found in women of ALL shapes and sizes and why men are attracted to MOST women. Most women have this sexual power over men. Even average or ugly women can have this power. All that is needed is a shapely figure with the appropriate hip to waist ratio. Or large boobs. It takes VERY LITTLE to get a man excited visually. So yeah…you could say men are shallow. I know alot of women like to say that. But in reality men are much more forgiving of women since they find MOST women sexual beings and will go ga ga over them.

    So even an average or ugly woman can work out her body if she is overweight and become a sexual being.

    I know women don’t like to be “objectified”, but the reality is that they don’t want to be so by ugly or average men.

    Women on the other hand only look at men with handsome faces as “HOT” or “SEXY” for the most part. Sure money and power can blur that a bit, but in todays age of equality and the media….women want it all. Looks AND Money/Power.

    An average or ugly guy(unlike an average or ugly woman) can hit the gym all he wants to no avail. He can sculpt his body into a Greek Statue and he will NEVER be considered “HOT” by the masses of women. For women it’s all about a man’s face.

    When groups of women get around and talk about a “HOT” guy…it’s ALWAYS referring to his face.

    Unlike a body, a face can’t be changed. So men have it FAR FAR worse than women, and are basically less shallow and more inclusive in what they find attractive. Like I said, MOST women no matter what their face looks like can be SEXY to a WIDE group of men. It doesn’t work the other way around.

    All those ugly and average guys hitting the gym should just give up.

    The flip side is that many women mistakenly think men want supermodels. So they plaster on the make up and buy the latest fashions….when in reality, men don’t give a shit about all that. It is such a myth. Men find women sexy PERIOD. Not because of what they wear or the make up they use to cover their faces.

    The truth is that women do all that to compete with OTHER women. The fashion industry feeds off this competition and is dominated by gay men who WISH they were women.

    Real men find women sexy because of their natural femininity.

    So men have it much worse in my opinion. Where most women can be sexy and have sexual power over men….very few men enjoy this same kind of animal magnetism. A man has to have a chiseled handsome or symmetrical face to pull off that kind of power. You’ve all seen it before. A guy with a great body but ugly face can walk into a room and get ZERO attention or reaction from the ladies. But have a guy with an extremely handsome face walk into the same room with an ok body…and the women will practically fall all over themselves trying to flirt with him.

    Yet if a woman with an average or even ugly face walked into a room but had a fly body or just big boobs….men would fall all over themselves to get to her.

    It’s easy to change a body. Very hard to change a face. So most average men and all ugly men suffer in frustration while their average or ugly counter parts enjoy the joys of sex and attraction.

    The great equalizer is AGE. 40 may be the new 30 now for women. And women can be sexy much longer. But eventually ALL women will “hit the wall” so to speak and lose that power they once enjoyed over men. Plastic surgery can only go so far, and like I said earlier, most men prefer the natural beauty. They don’t want overly made up women. And women who make the mistake of trying to stop time with plastic surgery run the danger of entering “freakville” if they are not careful. Excercise and proper diet go much farther in staving off the effects of time than do numerous face lifts and botox that only turn women into walking freakshows. Don’t do it ladies. There comes a time to let it go and grow old gracefully.

    Women who never develop a personality and only relied on their looks growing up can turn into real angry bitter people. A little humility goes a long way too. I’ve seen many a HOT women snag the HOT guy only to be left for a younger HOTTER trophy down the road. Life can be very lonely when you only see beauty as skin deep. Shallowness is all well and good when you’re young, because like every generation, you think you’re gonna live forever. But time spares no one. And eventually the “power” you once enjoyed in your youth will be gone. When the music stops, will you have a chair to sit in?

    That is why I find women who enjoy their femininity but aren’t attached to their looks or the looks of men the most attractive. Women who aren’t afraid to walk around without makeup(I have ALWAYS found the women I’ve dated MOST sexy when they first wake up in the morning).

    I guess I’ve gone off on a tangent. My intention was not to make the writer of this article feel bad about her “shallowness”. I guess we can all be shallow. But I felt compelled to point out that men aren’t as bad as women say. Yeah we’re visual creatures….but I think we include a MUCH wider variety of what we think is sexy than women do. To us, MOST women are sexy for just being women. Men really get a bad rap. But as the writer here makes clear, women are MUCH more selective and throw out a much smaller net when it comes to what they find SEXY.

    Like I said, the average or ugly dude will NEVER enjoy the same kind of sexual power that an average or ugly woman does. An ugly or average dudes best hope to even come close to that is to be in a Rock Band or to be Rich. But even then…it’s not really the same.

    I think most men would LOVE to be objectified by women. Oggled over and lusted after. Women say they hate this…but really it’s that they don’t want to be lusted over by average or ugly guys.

    Of course I’m talking generally here and only about looks(since thats what the original poster was talking about). But real love is much deeper and less superficial. ALL beauty fades. It’s nice to enjoy youth and beauty while you have it, but cultivating a more well rounded and deeper sense of love is key to true happiness.

  2. Jon Dalon

    Hey Surfer Dude,

    Are you sure you are just a surfer dude or are you really David De Angelo posting under a pseudonym?

  3. Jacob the Whiner

    I have experienced the type of magnetism that surfer dude talks about. I have a very symmetrical face which is genetic, and an average/slightly muscular build.

    However, depending on your personality, the reception can be quite over-rated and frankly irritating.

    On the daily basis I have tens (and the weekly basis) hundreds of women that stare at me while I am doing simple shopping errands. It can get nerve racking sometimes especially when these women are less than desirable or attractive. I am a naturally introverted person and this aggression has triggered a defensive psychology (although I do not wish for this consciously to occur).

    I’ve become somewhat bitter and disallusioned over people not giving me my personal space and letting me go about life without constantly being stared at with such intensity. What is odd is that I have lived in several countries in the mediterranean area and gone to Barcelona (the staring capital of the world) and received the opposite treatment and was given more space and respect for my person. However, it was in Germany that I felt the most comfortable as people were a bit cold for North American standards, but nonetheless gave me more than enough adequate space in terms of physical and mental distance. There are very beautiful women in Germany, yet the men only stare at them briefly and mostly focus on game plans how to get it into bed rather than drool and stare as some Americans do.

    I am not model material but have been referred to as “very handsome” for most of my life. However, this has served to be a big problem for me especially in relationships. Girls are very insecure around me and automatically assume I am either a player or someone with low fidelity. As a result I have had very few long-term relationships. I would majorly contribute this to my active lifestyle of frequent travel in school and work but also my image and the self-confidence of my partner has always come into play as well.

    I would hope after I graduate school and settle down for a while that this might change, and my maturity will assist me in accepting my appearance and the insecurity it might cause in a potential partner. I do agree with a lot of what surferdude says in that I have experienced what he talks about. My father is approaching 50 but looks young and healthy and I look forward to having some years ahead of me to get my act together in time to secure my finances, future and hopefully have a family.

    Genetically I see that my father attracts a lot of psychos so this is also of particular concern to me. Because of this I have lowered my “talent pool” of women that I select from and am more stringent and discrete with screening who I date. While women may be selective from a biological perspective I personally have found that being selective is a prerequisite for maintaining my own sanity and happiness in the future. Well I suppose we all have our concerns. Some of my classmates are only 23 and already going bald and others have some other health concerns. However, while being attractive may be viewed as a “blessing” to most it can often be a crutch for those who posses the trait.

    While the struggles women who are viewed as attractive with anemia and bulimia have been documented, the story of men who are stalked by women and obsessed over is widely seen as something positive, when in fact it is a grave problem. I have not had this problem because I have actively ignored most women and do not smile very often. I typically put on an apathetic expression to avoid confusing women that I may be interested. I am very discrete and polite and I do not smile (at least not genuinely) unless I truly mean to.

    Women and Men in Germany who are attractive and do not want to be bothered with the insurmountable solicitations from the opposite sex use this same approach and they appear to be happier over the long-term and get involved in less hazardous relationships. While old wives may say that I can have any woman in the world I possibly want because of my appearance, conventional knowledge reveals that this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Women tend to be very insecure and emotionally unstable chemically throughout life. Having a partner that is vastly different from you might only compound the already present issues that she may have from her past or genetically.

    I think it is best for less attractive folk to partner with people of their own level so that insecurity does not prevail and cause disruptions later in life when children are involved. Not saying that this is the cure-all-solution to domestic issues between husband and wife but insecurity can be the first step to more drastic measures taken by either man or woman in a relationship. And unfortunately, differences in appearance (the superficial) is often where it begins.

  4. MidoriLei

    Surfer dude, I guess women are more shallow in terms of face-value shallowness and men are more shallow in terms of body-value shallowness, but both those elements involve external appearance, thus they are equal in shallowness! lol

    I do agree with a lot of what you’re saying and you’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things.

    It’s true that a woman can tweak her body while a man cannot really change his face (unless he were to undergo surgery) It’s nice to know that women have a lot of control over their sexiness.

  5. MidoriLei

    Jacob the Whiner, wow, i’ve never heard the point of view of the gorgeous male. no wonder men like confident, secure women! fortunately, there are secure women who don’t place their value on their appearance. Look for those women:)

  6. hunter

    Surfer dude/Jacob TW, good looking women, say they attract, wolves, mostly. One reason, many gain weight, so as not to have to deal with all the different personalities on a daily basis.

  7. Pbland

    SurferDude, Oh my god. I cannot tell you how right on you are. Bottom line is that good looking women want good looking guys. It works both ways. These people who say that looks dont matter are full of crap.Yeah, like millions of girls are interested in guys like Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt because of their “personality.” Bottom line is if you are an ugly, overweight guy you are pretty much hopeless with women. I am afraid you have to either be famous, or “extremely” wealthy to have success with women if you fall into one/both of these categories. The bottom line is you fat/ugly guys do not deserve good looking girls. The reason is (for the lard asses) is because you have no respect for yourself and let yourself become the way you’re. As far as you ugly guys are concerned, my apologies, you were just dealt a bad genetic hand. My advice for you is to become as rich as you possibly can and you will definetly get some hot girls. That is if you obtain great wealth.

  8. Michael Schmut

    As director and co-writer of “The Other Guys”, McKay brings the best out of Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, and the rest of the cast. It combines action and comedy better than any similar comedy I have seen in a long time.

  9. Michele

    I totally agree with surfer dude for sure..I feel that I am an attractive female and all the guys I have dealt with have been equally nice looking guys..for instance, the guy I am talking to now is over 6 feet tall, gorgeous, and could be a model, but he’s introverted/shy because I’m sure he’s tired of women staring at him like he’s a piece of meat..I am fortunate enough to have this guy in my life without making him feel uncomfortable and letting him know that it’s just not his looks I am attracted too but how nice, smart and kind he is, but trust me, being gorgeous doesn’t hurt, easy to wake up too for sure.. : )

    I know it’s vein but lets be honests, it’s the way the world works. My guy is HOT but he’s also very nice, honest and I am happy to have him in my life!

  10. GirlGoneCrazy

    Girl….you got it all wrong. I love hotties too, but sometimes the one you find that works is just someone plain. Why change the way you act, look,or dress, just for a man who doesn`t know you exist? Find someone who loves the way you are…….and you should be feeling like a fool right now. A 13 year old gave you this advice. Tsk, Tsk.

  11. MidoriLei


    You’re right sweetie. But give me a break, I wrote this four years ago, AND I was thinking out loud for the whole internet world to judge me as you have. You’re right, you shouldn’t change the way you act, look or dress just for a man who doesn’t know you exist. I married the man who noticed me instantly. He loves me the way I am.


    I have to say.. everyone here has a valid point of view.. it was insightful reading all the comments =)

  13. Alethia Mcenroe

    I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem. You are incredible! Thanks!

  14. Wally Froid

    Someone I work with visits your blog frequently and recommended it to me to read too. The writing style is excellent and the content is interesting. Thanks for the insight you provide the readers!

  15. MidoriLei

    Thanks Wally Froid!

    Glad to have you here:)

  16. jake

    Surfer dude clearly has a ‘not-so-good looking’ face, and so sees this quality as being of disproportionate relative importance… since that’s probably what’s precluding him from attracting women. There’s a term for that in psychology… i can’t remember it right now.

  17. L. T.

    Dear girl (whoever it is you are;0),
    I’ve been reading your posts for a couple days, and you state and re-state that men should “go for it” and women should make them. I agree with this general maxim, but I have spent years trying to follow this advice and run full speed ahead into some pretty big walls.

    My question is therefore, when, in those all important first couple dates, is it okay to go try and when not to? What does it mean to work hard like Mr. Dreamy up there? Because, despite your advice, it’s been my experience that the more effort, thought and planning I put into a date the less successful I seam to be.

    • MidoriLei


      You are right. You don’t need more thought and planning, but you do need more effort. Thought and planning will just psyche you out. You need the kind of effort that is motivated by nothing but desire. You WANT her so bad, and you don’t care if you make a fool of yourself. You are going to try and give it your all, and you’re not going to care about the consequences. You don’t operate out of fear, you go after her like a man in a dessert who has just spotted in the distance, a sparkling spring of water.

      He just has to have that water, and so he is going to go after it. That’s how you have to approach women: make sure she’s the one you really want, that she’s worth all the effort, (your gut will tell you) and then go after her, throwing caution to the wind.

      If it doesn’t work, find another worthy woman, and repeat. Sooner or later, one of those women will reciprocate.

      So, again, stop thinking and planning, listen to your gut and go for it. Dating is a numbers game. Go big or go home. EVERY TIME. Just because the last girl didn’t bite doesn’t mean the next girl doesn’t deserve the same effort. When is it okay in those first couple of dates to try and not to? Always try if it’s a worthy girl. Working hard means giving it your all each and every time. And brushing yourself off and doing it again with the next girl if it didn’t work with the last.

      With all this experience, you’ll get used to the process and soon you’ll gain the confidence to not take rejection personally. It’s just part of the process.

      What big “walls” do you run into? I’d love to hear more specifics so I can give you a more specific answer.

  18. L. T.

    What big walls? Well, the craziest one was a girl who was cute to look at and charming to talk to for the first date (just a picnic on our arctic beaches). After such charm I got a little excited and wanted to show her that. So I took her to dinner again but this time, each course was at a different spot downtown and each had a little piece of some innocent, corny poem. It sounded like a great idea, but she started to get defensive about “being fussed over” and by the time we got halfway through, she started to get aggressive. After I left, one of the waiters at the restaurant told ran up and sympathized, I thought I might have said something wrong, but he didn’t think I did, so just massive confusion there.

    A second one was similar in timing, third date, I was pretty charmed so I went all out again. That one seemed to work, as I continued to see her, but it seemed to set a precedent that I had to continually one-up myself, it just never seemed to satisfy; just not good enough.

    These are the two big ones, but not the only ones. Generally, anything special or different I try to do to make her feel special is met with indifference. I’m an expert at a good first impression, but the second, third and forth ones never seem to go right…

    • MidoriLei


      I guess, you can scare a girl off when those grand gestures are done so soon, probably because deep down women want to be appreciated for who they are and not just how they look, and given the timing of your grand gestures, they may feel that you must be infatuated with them and not really know them. Women like being put on a pedestal, but it’s hard for them to love someone who puts them on a pedestal because they are afraid that once you get to really know them, you’ll run away. It’s much more keen to wait until you’ve secured them (dating them exclusively) to put out the grand gesture. In the meantime, pursue them consistently, give them lots of time to get to know you/you get to know them, and make it a safe place to open up. Being a good listener, buying her a small gift that she had mentioned she liked on one of your dates, those kinds of things turn a women on way more than grand gestures you could do with anyone, just because in the back of their mind, they are thinking, this guy is listening. He really listens. He is really taking the time to get to know me.

      Save those special evening plans for anniversaries in the future:) They are brilliant, but the timing is wrong. She has to feel like she has earned them, like you’ve gotten to know her well enough throughout some time and you’re doing it because SHE’S SPECIAL, not because you want to just IMPRESS HER.

      That’s the big difference. In the early stages, planning is not the same as good effort. Good effort is calling consistently, texting consistently, flirting and complimenting regularly, listening well, paying attention, securing consistent dates, letting her basically know that she is on your mind, but at the same time, you’re still in the early stages, so you’re not giving her the GREEN light 100%. You are making opportunities to get to know her to see if she’s worthy of taking to the next level (exclusivity)

      Big tactics to impress at the beginning stages just make a guy look like he’s willing to do this for any girl, just to impress her. Again, she wants to feel special. Hold off on those grand gestures, and go for subtle sweet gestures (again, buying her a small gift just because you thought of her and she had mentioned something in a conversation) Anything too big at the beginning will come off as an act of desperation.

      Does that clarify things a bit L.T.?


  19. L. T.

    I guess I’m just confused as to the difference between planning an evening or something and putting out a good effort. I thought planning WAS effort.

    And thank you for your interest in my case, it’s appreciated,


  20. L. T.

    Alright, thanks for that, nothing big for a while. But I only started doing that because the subtle things just weren’t working, there was a period of about four years where I had a new first date every other week or so, but very VERY few second dates. About half the time it was because I wasn’t that interested in the girl. When I was and tried to set up a second date they would usually agree to the idea but they would find a way to get really busy after that. I’d persist, but after they cancelled or dodged me three times, that was my limit. I did this so many times I could usually predict nearly exactly what they would say. My response to this was to try and change what I was saying (even kept a notebook in my desk with things that got positive and negative responses). I discovered that dinner in town was just to much pressure, I’m in Alaska, my dates went outside;0) Probably the most confusing point for me when I made that change was that girls seemed to get more friendly when I took them to all my little spots (I have some really cool looking ones) but that attitude would stop, almost immediately, when I dropped them off for the night. I’d text the next day, or day after, and I would have to wait forever (a day, sometimes more) for a response like “hey”. Big disconnect between her personality when she’s in front of me and over the phone. It was after about a year of that that I start getting bigger figuring I just needed more effort, and it worked once or twice. But now I’m stuck again, hence me talking to a complete stranger about it on the Internet, which a first for me.

    I’m a soldier by trade, and girls use to same words to describe me that my platoon Sergeant does, “dependable, consistent, intelligent, well prepared, ect”. Somehow, when a girl says it, it just doesn’t have the same ring.

    Now I’m as confused as ever, because I never stopped doing all the things you described above, I listen and listen hard when I’m with a girl for anything I haven’t heard before and anything I might be able to act on later if I decide I like her (which is about half the time). The only problem is, there’s usually never a “later” in which to act.

    • MidoriLei


      Can you make a woman laugh on dates?

      I’m figuring the “dependable, consistent, intelligent, well prepared, ect,” might be translating as possibly boring? I mean do you flirt, smile a lot, compliment, and make the women you pursue laugh?

      I’m intrigued. I’d love to help you figure this out.


  21. L. T.

    Sure I can, I’m no comedian, but it’s a good time. That’s one thing that qualifies a girl for me. I don’t usually ask her out unless she seems like she’s having a good time with me. I have been completely MYSTIFIED by this, especially lately. About three weeks ago I had one of the best first weeks on record, great first date, laughed non-stop on the beach for three+ hours. Next night, we’re at dinner with her friends at a restaurant just off post the next night and I hook one of her friends up with a buddy of mine, they hit it off, it’s a great time. She really seems into me. I wait a couple days before asking her out again, to give her space, but when I did, she bailed on me. Got the “we should just be friends” line the next morning. Same typical pattern this one just a bigger initial response.

    • MidoriLei


      I think the only way to give you insight on this is if you ask a girl what it is that makes women just want to be friends with you. Like this last girl, or people who know you, your true friends. Ask them if there is anything about you that they think would turn a woman off romantically. I think this takes a lot of humility and setting your pride aside, but I think it can really be eye opening. Since I don’t know you personally, it’s hard to really get that kind of insight from me.

      It seems like you’re doing all the right things, so there may be things going on that you’re not even aware of.



  22. L. T.

    Well, now I’ve had a chance to talk to some people. My guy friends describe me as “too nice”. They tell me to “expect a girl to pull her own weight and call her out when she doesn’t”. I guess that means I’m supposed to say something when a girl gets flakey instead of just not calling anymore. Thoughts?

    I called the last three girls I went out with for a female perspective here, maybe you could translate;0) two of them said that there was “nothing really wrong”, that I was “a hoot and a half” but that they just didn’t get excited about me. The last one described me as “perfect. On paper”. I dont really know what any of that means but I doesn’t sound horrible. How do you create excitement without appearing to try too hard?

    • MidoriLei


      Great job getting right on it!

      I don’t think what your friends said means you’re supposed to say something when a girl gets flaky. I think the key is to ask your friends what “pull her own weight” means.

      I think that women enjoy your company, but maybe they “just don’t get excited about you” because in the first few dates, you may be focused too much on impressing than on “prequalifying.” What do I mean by prequalifying? I mean that on the first couple of dates, a woman should not feel like she has you already wrapped up around her finger. She has to feel like you are there to enjoy her company but also to see if YOU want to take it forward, not just her. If you have the mindset going into a date, I have to get her to like me, then you will send off that nice guy vibe that women run away from. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t want to look like you are putting your date through an interview, so it’s a fine balance. She has to go home wondering and hoping you will call, not assuming, this guy is hooked. Of course he will call.

      You don’t create excitement by trying harder.(trying harder is assuming it’s just you there to impress) You create excitement by leaving a sense of uncertainty.

      A sense of being unsure makes a girl excited.

      And this is not playing games. You shouldn’t be sure about a girl after a couple of dates. This is about respecting yourself enough to not just let any woman capture your heart so easily. It always takes time to figure out if a woman is as beautiful inside as she is on the outside. Remember, charm is deceitful and beauty fades…(Proverbs 31:30)

      Again, this is a fine balance because you want to pursue her boldly and consistently, but your interactions need to be two way: It’s two people trying to get to know each other to see if they should move forward, not one guy begging and trying to impress and only the woman holding the keys to whether or not it moves forward.

      Also, it could be a personality thing. Are you more outgoing or more introverted? If you are outgoing and also try to pursue outgoing women, many times opposites attract so they may be more interested in shy/mysterious types (I know I’m that way because I’m very enthusiastic and talkative) I’m not saying that all women are like this but typically shyer women are attracted to more outgoing and assertive men and outgoing and assertive women are typically more attracted to shy guys who are good listeners. The opposite personalities feed off each other. I’m also not saying that you have to go after only shy women if you’re outgoing. I’m saying that you may have to pursue more women than other men if you’re looking for someone who has the same personality. Usually like personalities have a harder time attracting like personalities. Hope that makes sense.

      I pulled this section below from an article I wrote. It talks more about how to prequalify and why a man should prequalify a woman.

      5. Meet every beautifiul woman with a discerning attitude.

      She does not get the green light just because she is beautiful. You approach her not to convince her to go out with you, but to chat her up a bit, paying attention to any red flags.

      Your goal in getting to know her is not to make her be with you but to see if there is inner beauty to match her outer beauty, to see if you want to be with her.

      See how the tables turned? Realize that all you’re going by is looks when you first approach her, so if she rejects you right then and there, you’re only missing out on a hot chick. There are plenty of hot chicks. And she’s only rejecting you based on your appearance. She’s not giving you a chance at all, and her rejection is not personal. She doesn’t know you as a person, so she’s not rejecting who you are. It’s humbling to be rejected, but humility makes people attractive. Just embrace that you are attracted to only certain people and that’s the same with women. Dust yourself off and move on.

      The whole point of prequalifying is in addressing that beauty is not all that is valuable in a relationship.

      As you already know, dating can get expensive for men! Why not prequalify women before you take them out on dates? That way, you’re not just trying to take out women merely because they are beautiful. Raise the bar! You work hard to make a living. Remember, beauty is just beauty. Attraction is important, but in the long run, external beauty fades. You need a woman of inner beauty. That’s why you have to prequalify her.

      Of course you’re not going to get to know her very deeply with just introducing yourself and having a couple of minutes of small talk, but at least you’ll be able to weed out women who already show you red flags in those few minutes.

      Maybe you’re new to prequalifying. You have no idea where to start, or what to start looking for. Click here to read an article about what to look for in a woman. That will be a great starting point to help you be more discerning about the women you date.

      Why women value being prequalified:

      It shows you want them more than just for their looks or their body.
      It shows they are not just a piece of meat, that you care about their non-external traits as much or more than their external appearance.
      It shows you are being attentive, paying attention to what she is saying.
      She’s not getting a free pass just because of her appearance. She feels challenged to prove she is worthy of dating.
      She sees that you’re confident and not begging.

  23. L. T.

    What kinds of things should disqualify a women? Because aside from being blatently rude, talking about her ex, already making excuses for why she can’t see me anymore and/or an affinity for drugs or alcohol, I’ve got nothing.

    • MidoriLei

      L.T., all those things are disqualifiers. I’d also like to add if in those first few moments of talking to a woman, you get any kind of vibe that she is negative, needy or crazy, those are also disqualifiers in my book. Also pay attention for women who are only after money, status or what they can get out of you. Any sign of dishonesty, even something small- that’s also a disqualifier. These are just some others off the top of my head. When you go into a situation with a woman and focus on how you can weed out these kinds of people, the interaction is less likely to come off as one sided (only one side trying to impress).

  24. L. T.

    Thank you;0) I’ve really enjoyed this conversation, and you’ve given me some great advice. I really appreciate the fact that you went to all this effort for me, someone you’ve never actually met. You know, come to think of it, it’s a pretty rare thing to find someone that generous with their time.

    With greatest admiration,

  25. deb

    RE:jacob the whiner

    “On the daily basis I have tens (and the weekly basis) hundreds of women that stare at me while I am doing simple shopping errands. It can get nerve racking sometimes especially when these women are less than desirable or attractive. I am a naturally introverted person and this aggression has triggered a defensive psychology (although I do not wish for this consciously to occur).

    I’ve become somewhat bitter and disallusioned over people not giving me my personal space and letting me go about life without constantly being stared at with such intensity.”

    I’m sure this is the exact same experience women seen as attractive/beautiful by society deal with daily and even moreso because men feel they have the utmost right to do so much more than stare. Anyway, both men and women are exceptionally shallow, it’s the society we live in. It’s 100 times worse in asian societies.

    • MidoriLei

      deb, that’s a great point! What jacob complains about most beautiful women have to deal with on a regular basis too! I had no idea asian societies are worse off than us here in America! Just curious as to how you know this?

  26. layarkaca

    What jacob complains about most beautiful women have to deal with on a regular basis too! I had no idea asian societies are worse off than us here in America! Just curious as to how you know this

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