The Peril Of The Good Looking Man
I met a guy. A wonderful, stay-all-day, pack a-lunch-and-a-dinner-while-you’re-at-it-and-stay-awhile kinda guy that just makes you think, “Lord, have mercy! Closest thing to Adam (manly perfection) since, well, Adam!” Ladies, I don’t know if you’ve been in the presence of such a man as this. The Baldwin Brother meets Tom Hanks all-around good guy. I find an initial universal agreement of thought when a woman first meets such a man. Fear of malice. Doubt. Reservations. The upturned eyebrow accompanied with the unspoken thought, ” Are you genuine?”
Somehow because of the effect of our media- absorbed society and scars from our past experiences, we have subtly disassociated (use another word that means limbs are removed from body) the words “good-looking guy” from “good guy.” Media stereotypes like Joey from the TV show Friends and his one liner, “So how you doin?!” are constant reminders of this fallacy that good-looking men lack a genuine spirit of good intentions when it comes to women.
On the other hand, some plain, crowd-blending men along with some even remotely hideous males meet women and are more readily trusted. Jerks lurk behind that ugly face too, dear. I have a friend who’s ex-files are filled to the brim with ugly jerks and the man she married is gorgeous and a gentleman. Ladies, isn’t this encouraging?! All the jerks broke her heart while the gorgeous hubby-to-be caught her by surprise and whisked her away into the envied lifestyle of permanent coupledom. Like most women, she took one look at hunky hubby-to-be and presumed ill. So, she made it hard for him; she made him work for her. Then he stuck around for the challenge. In the past, she had made it easy for the other guys she dated because she assumed they weren’t jerks, but they all took off later. Like my grandma always used to tell me, “If you follow, they will run; if you run, they will follow.” But that’s another topic for another day!
All I’m saying is that looks are deceiving, but if the drop-dead gorgeous man makes you somewhat wary, and that in turn causes you to make yourself the challenge that you are, then by all means, be wary! On the opposing end, just don’t assume that behind every average Joe lies a heart of gold either. Both guys should have to work equally hard for you. It will benefit you both in the long run, because admit it, guys appreciate what they work hard for!
June 7th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Heres the big difference between female shallowness and male shallowness. Men get blamed for being “visual” or “shallow” but in reality women, like the writer of this article are much more shallow. Let me explain. Women are the choosers AND rejectors. They are the selective ones. Men aren’t. Men have an infinite number of sperm. Women a finite number of eggs. By nature, women are much more selective. That is why it matters what a man does for a living. How much money he makes. How much power he has etc etc. But women are also JUST as visual as men.
But here is the difference. Men mostly look at women’s bodies. Biologically speaking. It’s almost subconscious. Scientists say it’s the hip to waist ratio that signals fertility. A high hip to waist ratio can be found in women of ALL shapes and sizes and why men are attracted to MOST women. Most women have this sexual power over men. Even average or ugly women can have this power. All that is needed is a shapely figure with the appropriate hip to waist ratio. Or large boobs. It takes VERY LITTLE to get a man excited visually. So yeah…you could say men are shallow. I know alot of women like to say that. But in reality men are much more forgiving of women since they find MOST women sexual beings and will go ga ga over them.
So even an average or ugly woman can work out her body if she is overweight and become a sexual being.
I know women don’t like to be “objectified”, but the reality is that they don’t want to be so by ugly or average men.
Women on the other hand only look at men with handsome faces as “HOT” or “SEXY” for the most part. Sure money and power can blur that a bit, but in todays age of equality and the media….women want it all. Looks AND Money/Power.
An average or ugly guy(unlike an average or ugly woman) can hit the gym all he wants to no avail. He can sculpt his body into a Greek Statue and he will NEVER be considered “HOT” by the masses of women. For women it’s all about a man’s face.
When groups of women get around and talk about a “HOT” guy…it’s ALWAYS referring to his face.
Unlike a body, a face can’t be changed. So men have it FAR FAR worse than women, and are basically less shallow and more inclusive in what they find attractive. Like I said, MOST women no matter what their face looks like can be SEXY to a WIDE group of men. It doesn’t work the other way around.
All those ugly and average guys hitting the gym should just give up.
The flip side is that many women mistakenly think men want supermodels. So they plaster on the make up and buy the latest fashions….when in reality, men don’t give a shit about all that. It is such a myth. Men find women sexy PERIOD. Not because of what they wear or the make up they use to cover their faces.
The truth is that women do all that to compete with OTHER women. The fashion industry feeds off this competition and is dominated by gay men who WISH they were women.
Real men find women sexy because of their natural femininity.
So men have it much worse in my opinion. Where most women can be sexy and have sexual power over men….very few men enjoy this same kind of animal magnetism. A man has to have a chiseled handsome or symmetrical face to pull off that kind of power. You’ve all seen it before. A guy with a great body but ugly face can walk into a room and get ZERO attention or reaction from the ladies. But have a guy with an extremely handsome face walk into the same room with an ok body…and the women will practically fall all over themselves trying to flirt with him.
Yet if a woman with an average or even ugly face walked into a room but had a fly body or just big boobs….men would fall all over themselves to get to her.
It’s easy to change a body. Very hard to change a face. So most average men and all ugly men suffer in frustration while their average or ugly counter parts enjoy the joys of sex and attraction.
The great equalizer is AGE. 40 may be the new 30 now for women. And women can be sexy much longer. But eventually ALL women will “hit the wall” so to speak and lose that power they once enjoyed over men. Plastic surgery can only go so far, and like I said earlier, most men prefer the natural beauty. They don’t want overly made up women. And women who make the mistake of trying to stop time with plastic surgery run the danger of entering “freakville” if they are not careful. Excercise and proper diet go much farther in staving off the effects of time than do numerous face lifts and botox that only turn women into walking freakshows. Don’t do it ladies. There comes a time to let it go and grow old gracefully.
Women who never develop a personality and only relied on their looks growing up can turn into real angry bitter people. A little humility goes a long way too. I’ve seen many a HOT women snag the HOT guy only to be left for a younger HOTTER trophy down the road. Life can be very lonely when you only see beauty as skin deep. Shallowness is all well and good when you’re young, because like every generation, you think you’re gonna live forever. But time spares no one. And eventually the “power” you once enjoyed in your youth will be gone. When the music stops, will you have a chair to sit in?
That is why I find women who enjoy their femininity but aren’t attached to their looks or the looks of men the most attractive. Women who aren’t afraid to walk around without makeup(I have ALWAYS found the women I’ve dated MOST sexy when they first wake up in the morning).
I guess I’ve gone off on a tangent. My intention was not to make the writer of this article feel bad about her “shallowness”. I guess we can all be shallow. But I felt compelled to point out that men aren’t as bad as women say. Yeah we’re visual creatures….but I think we include a MUCH wider variety of what we think is sexy than women do. To us, MOST women are sexy for just being women. Men really get a bad rap. But as the writer here makes clear, women are MUCH more selective and throw out a much smaller net when it comes to what they find SEXY.
Like I said, the average or ugly dude will NEVER enjoy the same kind of sexual power that an average or ugly woman does. An ugly or average dudes best hope to even come close to that is to be in a Rock Band or to be Rich. But even then…it’s not really the same.
I think most men would LOVE to be objectified by women. Oggled over and lusted after. Women say they hate this…but really it’s that they don’t want to be lusted over by average or ugly guys.
Of course I’m talking generally here and only about looks(since thats what the original poster was talking about). But real love is much deeper and less superficial. ALL beauty fades. It’s nice to enjoy youth and beauty while you have it, but cultivating a more well rounded and deeper sense of love is key to true happiness.
June 13th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Hey Surfer Dude,
Are you sure you are just a surfer dude or are you really David De Angelo posting under a pseudonym?
June 13th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I have experienced the type of magnetism that surfer dude talks about. I have a very symmetrical face which is genetic, and an average/slightly muscular build.
However, depending on your personality, the reception can be quite over-rated and frankly irritating.
On the daily basis I have tens (and the weekly basis) hundreds of women that stare at me while I am doing simple shopping errands. It can get nerve racking sometimes especially when these women are less than desirable or attractive. I am a naturally introverted person and this aggression has triggered a defensive psychology (although I do not wish for this consciously to occur).
I’ve become somewhat bitter and disallusioned over people not giving me my personal space and letting me go about life without constantly being stared at with such intensity. What is odd is that I have lived in several countries in the mediterranean area and gone to Barcelona (the staring capital of the world) and received the opposite treatment and was given more space and respect for my person. However, it was in Germany that I felt the most comfortable as people were a bit cold for North American standards, but nonetheless gave me more than enough adequate space in terms of physical and mental distance. There are very beautiful women in Germany, yet the men only stare at them briefly and mostly focus on game plans how to get it into bed rather than drool and stare as some Americans do.
I am not model material but have been referred to as “very handsome” for most of my life. However, this has served to be a big problem for me especially in relationships. Girls are very insecure around me and automatically assume I am either a player or someone with low fidelity. As a result I have had very few long-term relationships. I would majorly contribute this to my active lifestyle of frequent travel in school and work but also my image and the self-confidence of my partner has always come into play as well.
I would hope after I graduate school and settle down for a while that this might change, and my maturity will assist me in accepting my appearance and the insecurity it might cause in a potential partner. I do agree with a lot of what surferdude says in that I have experienced what he talks about. My father is approaching 50 but looks young and healthy and I look forward to having some years ahead of me to get my act together in time to secure my finances, future and hopefully have a family.
Genetically I see that my father attracts a lot of psychos so this is also of particular concern to me. Because of this I have lowered my “talent pool” of women that I select from and am more stringent and discrete with screening who I date. While women may be selective from a biological perspective I personally have found that being selective is a prerequisite for maintaining my own sanity and happiness in the future. Well I suppose we all have our concerns. Some of my classmates are only 23 and already going bald and others have some other health concerns. However, while being attractive may be viewed as a “blessing” to most it can often be a crutch for those who posses the trait.
While the struggles women who are viewed as attractive with anemia and bulimia have been documented, the story of men who are stalked by women and obsessed over is widely seen as something positive, when in fact it is a grave problem. I have not had this problem because I have actively ignored most women and do not smile very often. I typically put on an apathetic expression to avoid confusing women that I may be interested. I am very discrete and polite and I do not smile (at least not genuinely) unless I truly mean to.
Women and Men in Germany who are attractive and do not want to be bothered with the insurmountable solicitations from the opposite sex use this same approach and they appear to be happier over the long-term and get involved in less hazardous relationships. While old wives may say that I can have any woman in the world I possibly want because of my appearance, conventional knowledge reveals that this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Women tend to be very insecure and emotionally unstable chemically throughout life. Having a partner that is vastly different from you might only compound the already present issues that she may have from her past or genetically.
I think it is best for less attractive folk to partner with people of their own level so that insecurity does not prevail and cause disruptions later in life when children are involved. Not saying that this is the cure-all-solution to domestic issues between husband and wife but insecurity can be the first step to more drastic measures taken by either man or woman in a relationship. And unfortunately, differences in appearance (the superficial) is often where it begins.
June 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Surfer dude, I guess women are more shallow in terms of face-value shallowness and men are more shallow in terms of body-value shallowness, but both those elements involve external appearance, thus they are equal in shallowness! lol
I do agree with a lot of what you’re saying and you’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things.
It’s true that a woman can tweak her body while a man cannot really change his face (unless he were to undergo surgery) It’s nice to know that women have a lot of control over their sexiness.
June 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Jacob the Whiner, wow, i’ve never heard the point of view of the gorgeous male. no wonder men like confident, secure women! fortunately, there are secure women who don’t place their value on their appearance. Look for those women:)
June 29th, 2009 at 5:13 am
Surfer dude/Jacob TW, good looking women, say they attract, wolves, mostly. One reason, many gain weight, so as not to have to deal with all the different personalities on a daily basis.
May 21st, 2010 at 3:51 am
SurferDude, Oh my god. I cannot tell you how right on you are. Bottom line is that good looking women want good looking guys. It works both ways. These people who say that looks dont matter are full of crap.Yeah, like millions of girls are interested in guys like Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt because of their “personality.” Bottom line is if you are an ugly, overweight guy you are pretty much hopeless with women. I am afraid you have to either be famous, or “extremely” wealthy to have success with women if you fall into one/both of these categories. The bottom line is you fat/ugly guys do not deserve good looking girls. The reason is (for the lard asses) is because you have no respect for yourself and let yourself become the way you’re. As far as you ugly guys are concerned, my apologies, you were just dealt a bad genetic hand. My advice for you is to become as rich as you possibly can and you will definetly get some hot girls. That is if you obtain great wealth.
August 10th, 2010 at 6:44 pm
As director and co-writer of “The Other Guys”, McKay brings the best out of Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, and the rest of the cast. It combines action and comedy better than any similar comedy I have seen in a long time.
November 10th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
I totally agree with surfer dude for sure..I feel that I am an attractive female and all the guys I have dealt with have been equally nice looking guys..for instance, the guy I am talking to now is over 6 feet tall, gorgeous, and could be a model, but he’s introverted/shy because I’m sure he’s tired of women staring at him like he’s a piece of meat..I am fortunate enough to have this guy in my life without making him feel uncomfortable and letting him know that it’s just not his looks I am attracted too but how nice, smart and kind he is, but trust me, being gorgeous doesn’t hurt, easy to wake up too for sure.. : )
I know it’s vein but lets be honests, it’s the way the world works. My guy is HOT but he’s also very nice, honest and I am happy to have him in my life!
January 29th, 2011 at 2:12 am
Girl….you got it all wrong. I love hotties too, but sometimes the one you find that works is just someone plain. Why change the way you act, look,or dress, just for a man who doesn`t know you exist? Find someone who loves the way you are…….and you should be feeling like a fool right now. A 13 year old gave you this advice. Tsk, Tsk.
January 29th, 2011 at 3:25 pm
GirlGoneCrazy,
You’re right sweetie. But give me a break, I wrote this four years ago, AND I was thinking out loud for the whole internet world to judge me as you have. You’re right, you shouldn’t change the way you act, look or dress just for a man who doesn’t know you exist. I married the man who noticed me instantly. He loves me the way I am.
February 4th, 2011 at 1:32 am
I have to say.. everyone here has a valid point of view.. it was insightful reading all the comments =)
February 13th, 2011 at 9:27 pm
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December 6th, 2011 at 5:47 am
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December 6th, 2011 at 8:53 am
Thanks Wally Froid!
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