Dating Advice

The Date/Interview

(Picture from a great photography duo from san antonio: Bend the Light Photography)

When a date turns out well, you’re laughing at each other’s jokes, finding out that you share interests, flirting and finding chemistry, and you’re both smiling from ear to ear, wondering ‘where did the time go?’

When a date turns out bad, it’s like the worst interview ever.

Let’s face it, dating is like going on a job interview, but both parties are trying to fill a position.

Both parties play the role of interviewer and interviewee.

At least with a job interview, if you feel rejected, you can compartmentalize the rejection.

You can rationalize that maybe you’re lacking some skills they were looking for, or maybe there was someone else that was more fit for the job.

But it’s a lot easier to dust yourself off and say it wasn’t personal.

On the other hand, getting rejected on a date always feels personal, because your date is getting to know you as a person, not as a potential job candidate.

And when you’re rejected then, my friend Charles suggests it’s like this:

Getting rejected on a date feels like a rejection of your entire being.

Now this kind of mentality is exactly what keeps guys from asking a girl out in the first place.

Here’s how to break out of this mentality:

Think of asking girls out and getting rejected/going on bad dates…

    1. As a numbers game.

    The more dates you go on, the more women you get to know, and the closer you’ll be to finding someone who returns your affection.

    2. As badges of honor.

    You went out on the field; you got knocked down a couple times (or a bunch), but you weren’t a coward who sat on the sidelines and warmed the bench. That’s courage.

    3. As a way to get over your fears.

    Hey, the first, second and third time a girl says no, it’s painful. But it gets easier, and you get more confident. Confidence and being self-assured is hot. So every rejection makes you hotter!

    4. As the obstacle you have to jump over to reach your goal, which you will appreciate more

    Let’s face it, you’d probably appreciate the 20th girl you asked out much more than if she were the first girl you asked out and you hadn’t dealt with rejection. You appreciating a woman more benefits you both.

    5. As an impersonal rejection.

    When a woman rejects you, really, it isn’t personal. It’s random. It has less to do with who you are as a person, and more to do with what she’s looking for. She might only like shy guys who like anime. She might only like musicians who look emo. She might only date athletic types or men with big bank accounts. You might remind her of an ex she’d wish to forget. She might only like men with hairy chests. (Seriously! I know a woman like this!) When she says “no” or “let’s just call it a night,” she’s not saying “You suck and don’t deserve to be with any woman!” She’s just saying, “I’m looking for something else. I hope you find what you’re looking for too. I wish you well on your search.” Look, she’s on a search too. She’s been rejected too. You are both in the same boat.

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. Nathan

    There’s an old saying, “Fail your way to success.” In any endeavor, there will always be times when it doesn’t work. Inventing a lightbulb, for example. Various sources say it took Edison 6-10 thousand attempts that did not work!

    With relationships, there’s always a fear of losing out. But in reality, you can’t lose something that isn’t yet yours. If you want to achieve success sooner, get busy failing faster!

  2. MidoriLei

    so true, you can’t lose something that isn’t yet yours! GREAT POINT.

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