lessons from the media

The Bachelorette: Wisdom from Deanna and Jesse

First, let’s talk about Deanna. If you’re ever in a situation like her where you’re having to decide to be with one guy/girl out of many, (yeah, boohoo poor you) this is what you have to look for: (I’m paraphrasing)

“I had a different relationship with all the men, but there’s one thing I can say about Jesse. He’s the only man I can honestly say I don’t want to live without. He’s one of the best men I know.”

That’s definitely a good sign you’re choosing the right person!

Now for Jesse…
Jesse proved that in the Bachelorette:

1. You can win a girl’s heart by being completely transparent and being yourself.

2. You can do this without making enemies with any of the other guys. (take note Jeremy from this season and Robyn from the last season of the Bachelor)

3. You can beat out the mysterious, hot guy she has great chemistry with (Graham) because in the end, a woman doesn’t want to be with a man who isn’t willing to put his heart on the line. She wants to know you’re sure you want to be with her.

4. You have to know that if you’re getting into this kind of situation, you have to expect that she’s going to be kissing and dating other men and just do your best to focus on getting to know each other instead of showing you’re jealous and insecure. (Graham)

5. It pays to build up the non-physical parts of a relationship before engaging in the physical. He said, “The physical part is the easy part. So if you can build the friendship first, that part will follow.”

6. On the same note, if you wait to kiss her, past the time where she wants the first kiss, you make her want it more! (but you gotta do it without her feeling rejected) (Graham)

7. You should show off what you’re good at when the opportunity poses itself. (but through action not words)Think of Jesse on the four-wheelers. Deanna couldn’t stop saying “Today, Jesse was hot!” Also, remember Jesse pushing her past her comfort zone and showing he’s the man when he took her on the slopes? It was also another reminder that a life with Jesse would also be an adventurous life.

8. You shouldn’t show off by talking though. Women know a lot of men are just talk. Notice the principle of “show don’t tell” when she came to visit him in his home. She noticed the charity he sponsored on the wall. He didn’t have to parade it. At this point, she was probably thinking, Wow, there’s always more amazing things to learn about this guy!

9. Honesty and Humility will get you far. Notice how in the end, Jason was sooo sure he was going to get engaged that day. Too overconfident. On the other hand, during the After the Final Rose Ceremony, Chris asks Jesse, “When did you know?” Jesse responds humbly, “When she said yes.” Jesse said he was dying on the day of the ceremony and was incredibly nervous. He just felt like he was going to get sent home.

10. You gotta have fun. Know that song, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?” There’s a reason girls love that song. Because it’s true. If you notice, most of Jesse and Deanna’s interactions were fun and relaxed. There were times when being serious was necessary but Jesse would still make her laugh and feel at ease. Contrast that with her relationship with Jeremy. Dead mother. Dead Father. Critical siblings. “I don’t just want you in my life, I need you in my life,” Jeremy says. That’s a lot of pressure! I don’t think Jesse ever gave her that kind of pressure.

He just showed her he was there for the right reasons.
He showed her he wanted to be with her.
He made her laugh.
He showed her a good time.
He showed her who he was.

Congratulations to the happy couple!

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. Lydia

    Great insights! I was rooting for Jason because I thought he was just so sweet and I didn’t want to see him get hurt, but I think I knew that Deanna was going to pick Jesse. Everyone downs them because they say Jesse is not ready to settle down, yada yada, but I think Deanna used both her heart and her mind and made the choice the really made sense for her. And now she’s deliriously happy- Yay! Hopefully they can continue to build a solid off-camera relationship. 😀

  2. vegetarianqt

    I actually was drawn to Graham because I’m into shy types, but I think she made a good choice for her. Wasn’t really a fan of Jason, I guess because he lacked that kind of spontaneity that keeps women excited. For example, I don’t like it when guys ask if they can kiss a girl. It’s sweet, and he’s just sweet and comforting in general, but he never made her laugh, and never gave her the opportunity to want more. It’s almost like she was toooo comfortable, in that ‘your’e a great friend, but no sparks’ kind of way.

    But yeah, I agree, I didn’t want him to get hurt either:(

  3. Lydia

    But… they… broke up…. 🙁 Any thoughts? So did Matt and Shayne….

  4. MidoriLei

    I think that with Deanna and Jesse, they probably realized their worlds were so different and maybe Deanna realized that she just didn’t have that kind of passion with Jesse that she was looking for– Jesse had mentioned on youtube that she said, “I love you but I’m not IN love with you anymore.” That usually means there wasn’t that passion:(

    This is an interesting article that talks about that kind of “passion, butterflies” people get. It only lasts up to 15 months for about 90 % of the population. Only 10% of couples have that kind of passion for a lifetime!


    My friend Heather May found that:)

    With Matt and Shayne, I think Shayne, although she seemed sincere about wanting to be with Matt, she still needs some time to be young, single and free to explore. She was only 22.

  5. Lydia

    I read something about that in the “love” issue of Time last year. It said that couples who retain that passion have some common threads. Like: doing new things together, and…. hmmm, can’t remember any more! Anyway, it was interesting.

  6. Nathan

    Ah, yes. The Time article was really good. It was actually talking about the two different primary chemicals in the brain during the different phases of a relationship (my chemical romance?). They are actually very distinct things, from a biological standpoint, initial butterflies vs familiar warmth.

    Oxytocin is the magic word, it’s the neurotransmitter that has to do with trust, bonding, and long term commitment. The key though is being able to transfer from one stage to the other and not feel like the change is necessarily a bad thing. And it certainly doesn’t mean the spark is gone and there will be no excitement anymore! Maybe it’s kind of like your sexy little black dress and your favourite cozy PJs.

    Of course, there are some people who really struggle with feeling lost or awkward when transitioning from “relationship newness” to that deeper level. Hmm, ironic that I first read this particular article while hanging out with my ex’s parents.

  7. Nathan

    Good advice, by the way! Abridged:

    1. Be yourself
    2. Play nice
    3. Take a chance
    4. Don’t be jealous
    5. Focus on non-physical
    6. Leave her wanting more
    7. Present your qualities
    8. Show, don’t tell
    9. Be honest and humble
    10. Have fun!

  8. MidoriLei

    thanks for the summaries!

  9. LoveStory.sg

    Wow.. you can even list down learning points from reality TV.. well done!

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