Principle 1 – Make him earn your heart.
From the very beginning, Tessa made it clear she had reservations about staying on board until the end. Although the whole show is set up in such a way that the Bachelor seems to be courted by the bachelorettes, Tessa found a way to turn the tables back to the traditional, man working for the woman scenario.
She did this by telling him that all the other girls were already so deeply into him but she still needed time to see how she felt. If you’ve noticed Andy Baldwin, I’m sure you can see that this man is probably not a stranger to women fawning over him. Having the girls like him so early was probably something he had experienced before. So in a sense, even though it was Andy choosing from all the women, Tessa made it clear that she was going to be true to her heart and not say anything she didn’t feel.
She didn’t just take one look at him and fall for him. She didn’t go on the ride to sell herself short. Although he was a good guy, it didn’t mean he would be the right guy for her. Her reservations made her appear more genuine, wiser for not just wearing her heart on her sleeve, and more of a challenge because he felt the need to prove himself to her.
It also showed her vulnerability, and that made him feel like he had it in his power to protect her. Men in their core know that their role is to protect. Plus, men love a challenge and appreciate and value that which they work hard for far more than that which is freely given to them.
Clearly, Andy was a man who loved hard work. That’s clear with his high position in the military and his completion of the iron man triathlon. It’s clear that he likes to work hard as long as there is a reward at the end.
Also, Tessa being honest about her reservations showed him that her intentions were genuine. She was definitely not in it just to win or for publicity. She proved she was willing to lose if it meant that she would be true to herself. In all sincerity she told Andy, “If you already know who you’ve chosen and I’m not her, let me go home.” All men love challenges. Andy found it a challenge to try to convince Tessa to stay. In the end he even said, “Man, I was sweating bullets on our date. I had to work!”
Principle 2 – Be both the sophisticated lady and the silly, adventurous girl.
Andy said she made him laugh. I think women who can make men laugh are in a different league than women who just laugh at men’s jokes. It takes intelligence, keen insight and perception, and wit to make someone laugh, not just laugh at their jokes.
It’s nice when a woman laughs but if she can also bring in the comedy, it takes off a lot of pressure from the guy to make your time together fun and lively. Also, she was up for any adventure, yet come evening, she could calm down and present a whole new side of her: the demure, sophisticated lady with an air of poise and confidence.
Principle 3 – Make him earn your heart, but don’t shut down forever.
At some point, later rather than sooner, a man has to feel like he could win you, that he just needs to work hard, that there are hints down the road it will be all worth it when you finally reciprocate.
I think that if Tessa hadn’t warmed up by the last date, she would have been sent home, heartbroken, without a rose. But because she finally said she loved him, for Andy it must have been like winning the iron-man triathlon. He had worked hard to get her to open up, and now he was getting his prize.
If she hadn’t opened up by this point, he would have thought maybe she still had reservations and that her whole heart was not in it. No man wants to propose to a woman who he’s not sure wants to go the distance with him. During the whole show she always withheld something, but in the end, he needed to know her feelings had caught up with his.
Principle 4 – At the beginning, a cheaper, personalized gift that requires more thought and effort is more appreciated than an expensive, less personalized gift.
I’m not a fan of giving expensive gifts to men at the beginning of a relationship. Tessa’s gift was perfect. It showed her commitment, her silliness, and their common interests but it wasn’t expensive. It showed how much she cared because it took a lot of thought to create it.
That night, while Andy had the chance to deliberate, he had a watch to look at and a collage of memories to look at. The watch was expensive, made of metal, hard, cold, unpersonalized, and lifeless. The collage was sweet, brought back memories of what silly times they had together, unique, handmade, took time, reminded him of the bonds they shared together as well as their common goofiness. I bet it made him smile and think of her character and love of life. I think we all are just looking for happiness. The collage was a picture of happiness, and that happiness was attached to a decision to spend his life with Tessa.
Principle 5 – Feelings and emotions should come in progressively, not strong from the very beginning.
What I mean by this is that people want to be loved and appreciated because of who they are. At the beginning, it isn’t appropriate to have strong feelings for someone because you don’t know who they are yet. It shows that your understanding of love is immature and lacking in depth.
Bevin didn’t say she loved Andy early on, but she fawned over him unconditionally from the beginning. Even though the bachelor is the prize, the women have to also see if he is worthy of their love. When someone is quick to approve of you, accept you, and shower praise and affection on you, you question their genuineness because you haven’t revealed who you are on a deeper level.
Also, if you show your feelings too early on, you may appear either desperate or like the kind of person who falls too easily. If that’s the case, it appears like you may just be desperate to fall in love, not necessarily that you love this person because of who they are.
It’s also appropriate to mention the conversation that Andy had with his mother and grandfather. His mother wanted him to be with Bevin because Bevin was crazy about him, but his grandfather said that wasn’t what mattered. He told him what mattered is what he could see down the road – in five years, ten years, twenty years.
Bevin’s affection could become suffocating or too much while Tessa’s would have the time to grow, deepen, mature and blossom to something really beautiful. So in the end, Andy chose that progressive love, the kind that he saw in Tessa as a love that he hoped would grow into something really beautiful over time.