For Girls in a Relationship

The Anatomy of an Argument

Dealing with abuse

Ok, so not all arguments are because of what I’m about to explain, but what I’ve noticed most of the times when Nate and I are disagreeing (ahem) arguing because of a misunderstanding, it’s because of this:

    Girl gets irritated/upset/worked up because something guy said or did came across badly.

    Guy’s intention was pure, and he did not mean to come across that way.

    Girl wants guy to acknowledge her interpretation of what he said/did.

    Guy wants girl to acknowledge that his intention was good.


Basically, girl wants to validate the opinion that the INTERPRETATION is more important than the INTENT…

While guy wants to validate the opinion that INTENT is more important than INTERPRETATION.

So which opinion is right?

Neither.

Both are equally important.

So, the answer?

What the girl should say

“I know you probably didn’t mean it that way…”

(acknowledges his pure intention, puts him in an innocent place, gives him the benefit of the doubt, and does not attack his character, assuming he meant ill)

“but this is how I took it.”

(takes responsibility for possible misinterpretation)

What usually happens

Instead, women usually assume ill and go straight into attacking mode,

“I can’t believe you said that! I can’t believe you did that!”

and then the guy feels like his character is attacked. He’s reading:

“What kind of terrible person are you to say something so evil?!”

What the guy should say

” I’m sooo sorry it came across that way. I didn’t mean that at all, but I understand how it could have been taken differently from what I intended.”

This way, you are justifying her response, not defending your intention and innocence. When you defend your intention and innocence, you make her feel like her point isn’t valid, like she’s being irrational and not making any logical sense.

What usually happens

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry YOU took it that way.”

This is placing the blame on her. By putting it on neutral ground, you are keeping the argument from escalating:

“I’m sorry IT came across that way.”

Every couple is bound to get into arguments because of misunderstandings, and I’ve found these tips to be helpful!

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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