(Photo by me! Dresses available at MidoriLei La Petite Fleur)

Ladies and Gents, what words come to mind when you hear the word, “Modesty?”

Frumpy?
Dowdy?
Plain?
Prude?

Or how about…

Captivating?
Mysterious?
Alluring?

Regina Schmiedicke writes in her article, “In Modesty and Beauty: The Lost Connection,”

I think we are profoundly, tragically ignorant of the great allure and splendor of modesty. Men have told me that a girl in a becoming, modest dress was ‘a breath of fresh air…

When a woman dresses immodestly, she encourages a man to view her as an object of lust. She compels a man to think outside the higher realm of logic and resort to baser, animal instincts. This lust is intense and immediate but short-lived. Lust is too easy to replace because every woman has a body. It’s a woman’s mind and heart that sets her apart from other women.

I think fashion designer and well-respected celebrity icon, Coco Chanel knew this when she said,

Jump out the window if you are the object of passion. Flee it if you feel it. Passion goes, boredom remains.

A woman’s body can easily be replaced, but her loyal, honest character, her kind, compassionate heart, and all the little quirks of her personality that color a man’s world cannot. When a man notices those things that make her unique, she’ll stand out in a sea of miniskirts and low-cut shirts that are vying for his attention. He’ll view her as a woman to be admired and desired. This takes time, but it’ll gain her long lasting affection. A woman has to ask herself what her motivation is. Does she want to be the one he lusts after but for a moment or the one he’s captivated by for a lifetime?

Coco Chanel isn’t the only famous fashion designer who knew a thing or two about the importance of dress. In her interview for GQ magazine, designer Miuccia Prada boldy says,

It’s what I say all the time to my girls in the office here: The more they dress for sex, the less they will have love or sex. These girls throw away so much energy in this search for beauty and sexiness. I think that the old rules were much more clever and better than the rules now…

…I guess for women, we have to ask ourselves who we dress for, and why we dress the way we do. I think to some degree, all heterosexual women dress to attract men. On that note, the question I pose now is, what kind of men do we want to attract?

If you want to attract the good guys, the ones who more likely seek true love, they’re not the ones who appreciate the showcase of skin. I was talking to my good friend who said that he likes when winter approaches because women cover themselves up. He says it’s easier for him when a woman is covered up because a woman showcasing skin is a “distraction.” He likes focusing on his favorite part of a woman: her face.

Modesty is also a way of respecting men. I never thought of this before I spoke to my guy friend. Because women are wired differently, we fail to realize just how easily men are stimulated by what they see. When women flaunt their assets, they can’t limit who their viewers are. They’re going to run into single men and married men alike. So not only do women respect men by dressing modestly, they also respect their wives.

The famous Manolo Shoe Blogger has a thing to say about respect:

We wish to dress well and fashionably for many reasons, for the pleasure of having beautiful objects, for the pleasure of eliciting the envy or desire of others, for the pleasure of the feelings of self-confidence, but most importantly, we should wish to dress well because the clothes they allow others to give us respect……The fact it is that others they judge us by our clothes. It is not fair, but it is nonetheless completely the way of the world. Thus we should dress well because the good clothes they earn respect and admiration that is not necessarily deserved, but is nonetheless useful.

My point is that women can dress modestly not only to respect single men, married men, and even wives, but also to gain respect from others.

Now the issue of specifics is something that I struggle with. I have a love of fashion, and sometimes the dictates of modesty conflict with current fashion trends. Even as I’m writing this, I’ve felt a personal conviction to remove a photo from my myspace page based on some comments I received on the photo. It’s hard to gauge what is modest because I’m thinking from the perspective of a woman. I’ve had to honestly ask my guy friends about what they find “visually distracting.” It’s been a very eye-opening experience. They were candid and even sorrowful at the lack of modesty in women’s attire these days. If you want to hear the opinion of over 1600 men on the specifics of modesty, check out this survey.

Even as we struggle with the specifics, I think it’s a huge step to acknowledge
that the lack of modesty in our culture is damaging for both men and women. It’s also a huge step to recognize that modesty is appreciated by men who value women as more than sex objects.

I want to leave you with some cool quotes on modesty from my friend Jeff:

“Nothing can atone for the lack of modesty; without which beauty is ungraceful and wit detestable.” -Sir Richard Steele

“When virtue and modesty enlighten her charms, the lustre of a beautiful woman is brighter than the stars of heaven, and the influence of her power it is in vain to resist.” -Akhenaton King of Egypt

“Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue” -Joseph Addison

And lastly, here’s a cool statistic from this article, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others:

Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.