(2007 myspace entry)
I’m Shy around Boys…who I’m attracted to.

If you know me, you know I am a social butterfly. Why is it then, that when I am actually attracted to a guy, I completely start getting uncomfortable with my wings and wanna hide back in my cocoon?

I completely give guys the wrong message. When I am friendly and laughing all the time, I DON’T LIKE THEM. When I completely ignore them and pretend like they don’t exist, that means they get under my skin, into my head, and into my every other waking thought.

So the first guy’s thinking,

She thinks I’m funny.

She thinks I’m fun to be around.

She is totally at ease.

She totally digs me!

When actually, it’s more like,

Yes, I think you’re funny.

Yes, you’re fun to be around.

Yes I am totally at ease.

NO, I don’t dig you.

I just don’t see you that way.

Men, when a woman says there is “no chemistry,” it means:
• There’s no spark.
• AKA sexual attraction.

Or if you want it spelled out:

• “No fiber in my being is compelled to jump your bones.”

Sorry, people can’t help who they are attracted to sexually. You just have to get over it and move on. Anyway, believe me, you want to be with a girl who wants to jump your bones. I promise, she’s out there. Just keep ‘lookin…

Back to my little rant. So now the second guy’s thinking:

I thought she smiled at me when we first met.

I’m totally seeing things.

Man dude, what’s happening to your game?

I can’t believe you’re losing it to that accounting guy, whats-his-name…

Dang!… I know. The dude’s a freakin Jim Carrey. Girls dig funny…

But shoot! Why’s it like she’s dodging me?

Whatever.

Move on.

Plenty of chicks on the market.

So he does move on. They move on. The entire race of attractive, single, male prospects moves on while I’m stuck in the lunch room, listening to the now slightly irritating Jim Carrey-wannabe and wishing to God that he’d take a breath and give his gaping orifice a break.

And this my dears is the plight of the socially inept singleton. And I’m giving you dating advice? LOL