For Girls in a Relationship

Stages of Heartbreak

It’s over. What happens next?

(This post is courtesy of Lydia)

Lydia’s heartbreak stages:

    1. First- a sense of freedom and lightness. I have so much extra time now!

    2. Followed quickly by a dull empty listless feeling, and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it.

    3. Then- thinking back over all the memories— appreciating, regretting, wondering…. often hoping if I was left with anything to hope for. Very positive thinking while I try to be realistic. I’ll talk a lot to my friends during this stage. Rehashing everything for their enjoyment (or chagrine).

    4. Suddenly- sadness and depression. He’s been gone long enough that withdrawal kicks in hardcore and I cry at the blink of an eye. Sad, sad, sad. At this point, if he came back, it wouldn’t be the same. The hurt has gotten to me. I feel hopeless and allow myself to wallow in the pain. Crying myself to sleep at night almost feels good and it’s during this stage that I write the most poetry, paint the most pictures, and record the most journal entries.

    5. Next- anger. How DARE he!!!! I wish he hadn’t left me with any hope. How cruel! I can’t stand the sight of couples in love and I sneer as I walk down the inevitable Valentine’s Day aisle in WalMart. I quit talking about him and bury his pictures in my sock drawer. I make up angry speeches to him in my head. Hopefully for the sake of those around me this doesn’t last long or coincide with any weddings.

    6. Finally- growth. I get used to being by myself and I start to feel like a whole person again. I understand what went wrong in the relationship and probably even why he ended it. I also often realize that he wasn’t the man for me anyway! If he comes back at this point, we can be friends because I’m no longer royally pissed. I might fall for him again though if I didn’t really figure out reasons why he was the slime of the earth during phase 5. I’ve stayed stuck in this phase for years, I’m sorry to say. I spend too much time here; I have to revisit earlier stages to ultimately reach stage 7.

    7. Lastly- getting on with life. I don’t care about that dude any longer (what was his middle name?)… and I start to make eye contact with cute strangers. I develop a crush on some guy in class (but he’s 5 billion years younger than me- oops!) If Mr. Heartbreak comes around now, he’ll have to move heaven and earth to win me back, as I’ve decided with certainty that he is NOT my knight in shining armor. The pain has faded but the memory of it has not, preventing me from letting him in again to do additional damage. I sometimes wish this stage could last quite a bit longer before I fall for someone new and start the whole cycle over again….

Can you relate to any (or all) of these stages? How does your process of loss to healing play out?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. Amanda Despain

    i havent laughed so much in ages

  2. Tanysha

    I’ve read through a couple of these sort of things, “Stages of Heartbreak” but no where has it said anything about what I am doing. We broke up about 3/4 weeks ago and yes I have been upset and bargaining but right now I have reached a point where I feel content (occasionally feel sad but because of that time of the month and because I have a Cold) and yet as much I try in the back of my mind there is this feeling that we will get together again. I keep telling myself, “no don’t think that, we are split up and it is time to move on”.

    But the more I think it, the more it make sense that we will get together. Stress is what has played a big part in the break up. He is going through a tough time at the moment, (end of University, time to grow-up) and I think he just panicked. But then I say to myself “Even so, you should move on incase it doesn’t happen.” But I can’t.

    I am enjoying my single freedom, I’ve been out and about and kissed other guys but there is nothing sexual or attractive there. No “OMG he was hot” thoughts. Nothing like that.

    What is this??? :S

  3. MidoriLei

    Tanysha, you said, “the more it makes sense that we will get together.”

    … unfortunately, the heart knows things that reason, logic and “sense” know nothing about. For this reason, I encourage you to put ALL hope of reconciliation and getting back together out of your mind.

    why? because you will forever be in the waiting game, forever waiting for him to return, unable to fully let yourself fall for someone else. having hope in something that another person has all power to give you or withhold from you is the path to disappointment. IF it happens, and you’re not hopeful, it will be a pleasant suprise. If it DOESNT happen, you will be jaded, bitter and resentful.

    Do not give space to someone in your mind if that person has chosen a path in life that does not involve you, whatever his reasons are, stress, needing to grow up, feeling panicked, the point is he walked away.

    You will get that “OMG he was hot” thought and it will happen sooner rather than later if you squash all hope that you will get back with your ex.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *