The obvious answer is “HELL NO!” right?

I wish things were that simple. The simple giveaway answer is, No, do it for yourself if you know you need to in order to be fit and healthy. If you know you’re not comfortable, much less confident in your skin, then yes, do something about it. But don’t do it for a guy.

This is such a touchy subject for us females. When a man goes anywhere near it, they’d probably be better off if they just started digging their own grave. So I’m glad I’m a woman, and not a man, writing this very taboo subject. Still, I may have some opposition. It’s all good. Thank God for freedom of speech.

Now tell me, what’s wrong with doing it for a guy? I pose this question because I’m really trying to live my life in such a way where I ask myself, “What is the most loving thing I can do in this situation?” Instead of the automatic selfish question, “What do I want? How will this benefit me?”

And when it comes to weight and being fit, I know that the majority of men appreciate a good physique. I will never deny that men are visual creatures. If I didn’t care about what men thought, I’d probably do the selfish thing and not care so much. Lay around the house more. Give up a disciplined fitness regimen. Or as one friend once told me, “If men didn’t exist, we’d be a bunch of fat, happy, hairy women.” Laughable? Last time I checked I’ve never equated being fat or hairy with being happy. Then again, I’ve never lived in a world where men didn’t exist. (thank God!)

If you’re single, thank goodness men don’t think of only one type of body as beautiful. Still, the important thing is that you should only expect him to love what you love. So if you love your body, then great! He has the chance to love it too. And like a previous post I wrote, you can only expect what you’re able to offer. So if you’re overweight, unless you also want to be with a man who’s overweight, then you do have to change. If you don’t mind a guy who’s overweight or actually prefer it, you’re good to go, as long as you are confident about your body. I never promote striving for perfection. We’re human and we’re flawed. The key is that we want to offer the best of ourselves to the people we love because we hope they want to offer the best of themselves to us in return.

I’ve struggled with this idea that men care so much about how women look. I’ve struggled with it because I don’t want to just be appreciated for my body, because my brain is who I am. I am not just a face or a body to look at. But I’ve come to stop resenting men for being visual creatures. We all appreciate what’s beautiful, we kind of need it. Just notice how you feel when you’re around beauty offered by nature. Or when you see a stunning painting or a striking sunset. You’re a happier person for having encountered that beauty. The thing is, society tries to tell men what beautiful looks like, so I can’t resent men. I believe every woman possesses a kind of beauty that some man out there needs. And yes, we may want to be appreciated for what our minds have to offer and not just our bodies, but it’s the physical that gets noticed first. It’s what captures their attention enough to want to get to know who it is behind that face and that body. The meeting of eyes happens before the meeting of minds.

Here’s a thought for married people. ( being the traditionalist that I am in dating, this scenario would only apply to married folks) If we as women are first and foremost turned on by the emotional, and men are first and foremost turned on by the physical (visually speaking), what would it look like if we didn’t care about what turns each other on (or were unaware)?

Well, first men probably wouldn’t bother listening to us. or saying sweet things. or sharing their feelings. Or opening up. If they didn’t care about our needs (or were unaware), they’d probably speak to us a lot less and spend more time doing thier hobbies, hanging out with their friends and playing with their toys (car, tools, guns, videogames etc.) And yet, they’d probably still expect us to have sex with them, just because for them the visual really is enough to turn them on and they assumes it’s the same for us.

Now let’s turn the tables. The opposite is true if a woman stops caring about what turns on her husband or at least is unaware that his needs are different. She’ll put less attention on her appearance because she’s comfortable. She’ll put aside exercise by rationalizing that she’s just too busy these days. She’ll be there for him emotionally because that’s what she needs most from him. She thinks that must also be what he needs most from her too. Time passes and she’s more inhibited in the bedroom. Then when the point comes when she feels too uncomfortable in her body to keep the lights on during sex, she’ll still expect him to be turned on just because for her the emotional really is enough to turn her on and she assumes it’s the same for him.

You need to be heard, communicated with. Desired.
He needs to desire you. He needs to see you naked. He needs for you to like him looking at you naked.

If he stops making an effort emotionally, you start thinking he doesn’t care about your needs. The same is true for him. If you stop making an effort physically, he starts thinking you don’t care about his needs.

Men will always be bombarded with images of scantily clad women in the media. With the Internet, porn is everywhere. We can help divert their eyes if we offer the best that we can offer of ourselves, and we offer it confidently and freely. Have you ever thought that you could help your husband in his battle for purity and loyalty towards you in this way? Isn’t that one way to put your love in action? Think about it. One thing with a woman providing sexual favors for money is that they’re always ready and willing and confident.

I guess the most important thing is that you have to at least be okay with what you look like naked, if not love it, and do everything you can naturally to get to that place. It’s a win win when you think about your own happiness and loving yourself and you also think about your partner’s happiness and his needs.

So whether you’re single or married, think about this point that Sunny Weston makes from the book The Perfect Fit. Who says you can’t learn from fiction?!

Do it or don’t do it. Decide what makes you happy. If being fat depresses you, change it. It’s up to you…But you can’t resent thin. It’s just a version of beauty that preoccupies us right now. From the cavemen on, there have been those who were deemed beautiful, and those who weren’t. The characteristics may have changed, but there will always be a beauty ideal. You can’t fight it, even if you don’t fit it. But you can’t let that jeopardize the life that you deserve… It’s not about being perfect: there will always be somebody prettier, or thinner, than I am. It’s about being the best that I can be. And it wasn’t the weight that I lost, but the effort that it took to lose it, that really earned back my confidence.

And for those gentlemen who are reading this, the role you play is to do your best to love us unconditionally. Your appreciation, your desire, your present belief that we’re beautiful even as we are in our current state– and all these things verbalized will do more than any nagging, any guilt trips or any plans to withdraw or make us feel jealous. Remember, like a flower, women bloom with care and attention and time. Here’s a quote from A Perfect Fit for you guys:

Maybe the reason some people turn to whiskey and some people to food is because they need something to numb the pain if they don’t feel loved, because they feel worthless… So love is the cushion that stops us from needing food and alcohol. Those things blur the edges, eases the pain.

Your love is that powerful. We think we’re trying to feed our bodies but it’s our souls that are starved. Your love feeds our souls.