For Single Guys

Should you date a plain/average/not very attractive woman who is beautiful on the inside?

Hello gentlemen who read my blog. This is a message for you guys:)

Simple answer to this question is…

ONLY if her inner beauty causes her to become externally beautiful to you and you start having romantic/sexual feelings for her.

If you don’t feel those romantic emotions with this “nice” girl, don’t even think about it.

Here’s a letter from a reader, maybe you can relate!

    I am a 25 year old guy and am sort of seeing this woman. We started taking
    dancing lessons together, and I began to like her. I told her this, and she told
    me that she felt the same. We have gone on some dates, and I think that she is
    great, but I have found that I am not really attracted to her. I wish I was, but
    am not. I feel somewhat confused because I do have feelings for her, but do not
    know if they are really “romantic feelings”. What should I do?

Here’s my response. You can read the red stuff if you want to just get to the gist of it all:)

…Maybe the first thing to ask yourself is, why did you begin to like this woman? What were you initially attracted to in her? If it’s because she is a lot of fun, a skilled dancer, funny etc…that’s great and all, but what separates friends from love interests is one key factor: physical and sexual attraction.

Yes, the media may give physical attraction too much credit, but it is still a very important factor. Dancing is a passionate activity where partners are touching so this could have confused the matter. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the company of someone sharing similar interests, just don’t confuse that enjoying your time with someone of the opposite sex with having romantic feelings for her.

If you have to ask yourself if you’re romantically or sexually interested in a woman or if you question your physical attraction for her, to me that’s a dead giveaway that whatever fondness you feel for her, it’s not enough to pursue her.

Don’t waste your time or hers. You’ll do yourself and her a favor by keeping it just friendly.

Why do I say you’re doing her a favor?

Well, because every woman wants to be with her dream man. And every woman’s dream man shares one thing in common: that man is crazy about her. If you’re not crazy about her or even question your attraction for her, you are not her dream man.

Let her go. Set her free to be available when her dream man does come into her life.

Every woman is beautiful to the man they are meant for.

She deserves to find that man… And it benefits you to let her go too because it’s so much easier to love someone you’re attracted to. It’s easier to forgive the girl you find irresistable and cute.

Love with someone you’re attracted to is already going to take hard work, better to have the initial strong attraction to help out.

I’m just saying that the feelings of affection that will be natural in someone you are really attracted to will go a long way when you are looking for lifelong love.

Yes, people do grow to love others, but I’m just not a fan of that with the wide range of potentials and the freedom to choose a mate. Why? Because when you force things, love becomes a chore.

When you pursue people you’re naturally attracted to, feelings you don’t have to question or force, it is more of a joy to love them instead of a chore. If you question the sexual chemistry or your physical attraction, let her free. Move on.

And I’d like to end with one of my favorite quotes from the movie Dreams of an Insomniac, “There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with, love shouldn’t be one of them.” (start at 1:36)

Here are some articles dealing with this issue

Dating advice from my 85 yr old grandma

On chemistry

He’s not that into you reminded me of this

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. shnbwmn

    There’s this really nice girl that asked me out to the prom last year, and in the previous 2 years before she actually asked me, I wasn’t that much attracted, but really liked her kind personality.

    Now after I told her I’ll be her partner, I really feel attracted to her. Her kind and honest personality is very attractive to me, and now I’m attracted to her physically too. I guess once you find someone attractive from the inside, that beauty begins to extend to the outside too.

    I really don’t know how to take my feelings further. I’m a shy guy that doesn’t talk much in classes, whereas she is also a kindof quiet girl, but she doesn’t seem to have a problem with talking to others. I don’t know if she’s attracted to me romantically, or if she’s just being nice.

    Any advice will be very nice. Thanks =]

    • MidoriLei

      shnbwmn,

      She asked you out to prom! I think she DOES find you attractive! (unless you’re just “friendly” and she just didn’t want to go alone) Which is it? That’s awesome that her internal beauty started showing externally! This comment will encourage a lot of women! How do you take it further? Tell her “Did you know that I think you’re very beautiful? (pause. smile- no teeth- look her in the eye.)I know we already “hang out.” But I’d be honored if you let me take you out on a real date, my treat.”

      That will set the stage for the next development in your friendship/relationship…

  2. hunter

    Midori,

    Some men are not as hormonally charged as most men, our bodies don’t really help us select a woman. What then?

    • MidoriLei

      hunter,

      Some men who are not as hormonally charged as most men might be able to benefit from eating and supplementing specifically to increase their libido.

      Foods to increase libido

      Supplements and things to do to increase libido

      And I think the biggest thing a man can do to increase his testosterone and therefore libido and make him naturally more “hormonally charged” is to get fit and shape up. This article from msn health gives some surprising reasons:

      “That’s right, diet and exercise. In case you missed the memo—or didn’t catch the underlying message in every health article you’ve ever read—here it is again: A healthy diet and regular exercise can change your life for the better in countless ways, including a boost to your sex drive. However, there are a few surprises.

      Body fat is an opponent of libido in two ways: It inhibits testosterone production, and it breaks down testosterone already in the system. The male hormone and all its characteristics, including libido, disappear into fat cells. And here you were worried that your extra poundage was going to turn her off. It’s turning you off, too.

      This is especially true of fat around the abdomen, because belly fat absorbs testosterone more efficiently than any other fat cells in the body. To raise libido, the challenge is not so much to reduce weight as to reduce waist size. It’s a pretty safe bet that a man with a beer belly or a “Buddha” belly has lower testosterone levels and therefore lower libido. Buddha himself probably had low libido. Look how enlightened he was.”

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