Dating Advice

Should I Wait For Her?

Isn’t it crazy how one day someone could be telling you they love you, and the next day they could be breaking up with you? That’s probably one of the scariest truths of love. It’s thrown out there like a promise of forever, but in an instant, the person can change their mind.

That’s why so many guys(and girls) are confused. If the person said they loved you, but broke up with you, does that mean there’s a chance for a reconciliation? Should you wait for them to possibly change their mind or move on?

That’s the dilemma this reader had:

Hello, just read your article What It Means To Be In Love…and completely agree with everything you said! Love can’t be explained. My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago, after two very loving years together. In fact, just days before she broke up with me, she was telling me she loved me, and I believe it was genuine and true. I think she understands deep down that it was love and that it’s not something that can just go away.

So, my question is; If love is everlasting, something that doesn’t go away once it’s in place, will she realize this someday? Obviously how she acts upon that would depend on circumstances at the time…she’s a bit younger than me, at 21, maybe it’ll take her a while to figure this out. But do you think that eventually, if she genuinely felt she loved me at some point, she would change her mind, want to share her life with me?

Here’s My take on the matter:

As much as you want her right now, I hope you want something MORE for yourself: a love that is 100% fully reciprocated– the kind of love where both people are always thinking, “I’m the lucky one.” Don’t we all want that? It may be her in the future, but in the present it is not. Make sure your heart is open enough to give other women a chance to open your eyes to new possibilities of love.

Two things can happen, given your feelings for her stay the same: She can come to realize she wants you back, or she can be happy she left.

First Scenario

I’m a firm believer that the experiences we go through that cause suffering help us to better appreciate the good things that will unfold in the future. I was single for *gasp* FIVE years… and then out of nowhere, my high school sweetheart who I hadn’t seen in TWELVE years contacted me out of nowhere. I had so many disappointments with men over the five years of being alone. There were times I thought about this man— who twelve years ago– I let slip from my fingers. He said I got bored of him. The official breakup was because of my dad being so strict and forcing me to break up with him, but the reality was that I wanted out already too. I stopped being interested. I was curious who else was out there. He did NOTHING wrong. He did EVERYTHING right. No man has ever come close to how great he treated me.

After suffering loneliness and one disappointment after another over the course of twelve years, I feel like the luckiest girl alive, because the man who was “the one who got away,” (because of my own curiosity and stupidity) has now entered my life again and things are so great.

Unless she has a ring on her finger, you never know what the future holds for the two of you…. BUT you have to free her to learn and grow on her own.

Sometimes we meet the right person for us, at the wrong time.

That’s what happened to me. Sometimes we meet someone amazing but we aren’t in the right place to appreciate them at the time. That could be her case. You have to meet new women and free her from your heart so that you too can grow and learn from new women. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.

Second Scenario

If it’s not meant to be, there is someone even more amazing and even more compatible for you in the future.

It’s impossible to see that right now. She is front and center in your heart and mind, but trust me, you can feel this strongly about someone else again.

Don’t believe in the law of scarcity– that you had it before and you can’t have it again. Think of the law of abundance– if it happened once with this girl, that means you have the capacity in you to love someone deeply. It can happen again!

Age does play a huge role in defining love. Love is this thing that is eternal, but when you’re young, you feel invincible. You don’t think about death. You think you have a whole life ahead of you. You think the people you love will always be there. So although love is forever, life is not, and a young person who hasn’t grasped this concept will take love for granted, thinking they have all the time in the world to love and be loved.

Whenever I feel I’m starting to take love for granted, I think about how fragile life is. I think about the people I love and try to remember that they will one day be gone. I think about my life, and how I don’t know how long I will live too! When I grasp these concepts… When I think about life in terms of the reality of death, I care more deeply about the people I love. I hold on to them. I want to spend all my time loving them because I know it won’t last forever. Nothing on this earth lasts forever because we are only alive a short amount of time to experience it.

Now, will this woman come back and learn to love you forever? I don’t know. Only time will tell. If she somehow experiences things that make her realize these concepts I’ve just mentioned, she’ll be on her way to appreciating love instead of taking it for granted. This is if she really loved you.

On the other hand, she might be looking for more from love than what you two shared. This is sad, but it is also a possibility. I believe in soul mates, and I believe that you can be happier with some people more than others. It’s only a matter of time– she’ll figure out if she is happier with you or with someone else.

I’m sorry if some of this is sad to hear, but I will always give you my honest opinion. I truly believe everything works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out (with her or another woman) it’s not the end.

If you don’t remember anything else from this, remember this: If you’re looking for a surefire way to make yourself loony, wait for her.

Not moving on but waiting for her will only make you crazy- crazy jealous, crazy sad. CRAZY. It doesn’t help her or you to wait for something that may never happen in the future. If she does want you back in the future, let it be a pleasant surprise instead of something you agonize over until then. In the case that she never comes back, here’s an article for you: The Test of True Love.

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. L. T.

    Hey midori,
    Its me again. Still confused. Last week I met a girl, a fellow soldier, at a fair. For the next seven days she and I had a great time! Even went camping together, a 24 mile hike through the woods, her idea, awesome. Got command of my own platoon over the weekend, and aced all my leadership evaluations over the entire exercise. She had a front row seat to all of it, even helped me out with it. But this morning she told me she never felt anything. How can this be possible?

    • MidoriLei


      Was the entire seven days full of “platonic” outings? Or did you make it clear from the beginning that you were interested in her romantically? Men always see “time spent together alone” as an indication that women are “interested romantically,” whereas sometimes women just see “time spent together alone” as a great friendship developing. Why is it this way? Because men don’t usually waste their times “befriending” women on a one-on-one basis unless they are romantically interested, but women are naturally connectors and thrive on nurturing new and old friendships with both genders. I learned this the hard way, and because I knew that “time spent together alone” meant “I’m interested in you romantically” to a guy, I stopped hanging out with men I was not romantically interested in. Some women still don’t see that they could be “leading men on” when they spent time alone with them, especially extended time. The man is thinking, “There’s chemistry! We’re really connecting (romantically)” while the woman is thinking “I like hanging out with this guy! It’s nice to meet a new friend.”

      THAT’S why I always tell men that they have to make their intentions clear RIGHT away so that the woman has no confusion as to the purpose of all the “hanging out.”

      Now if you did make your intentions clear and the outings were NOT platonic (was there holding hands, kissing etc?) then let me know and I’ll have different advice for you.

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