Christian Advice

Remind Him Every Day Just How Lucky He is

Nates Dinner in the Fridge

Not through your words, (you’ll know if you’re making him feel lucky cuz’ he’ll tell you!) but through your daily actions.

Any time you have a chance to spoil him silly, DO IT.

Make him feel like the luckiest guy in the world by being the kind of woman who cares enough about him to notice his needs before he has to say something.

Ladies, let me tell you a little secret about men.

Shhhh… don’t tell anyone!

They don’t like asking someone else to meet their needs.

Women, for the most part, are a lot better at communicating and expressing their needs. Not a whole lot more, and not all women, but in general, women are better at this.

Why Men Don’t Like to Tell You Their Needs

First of all, some men don’t even want you to think they have needs! They think it makes them sound “needy,” which sounds like the very opposite of manly. The more capable a man is, the better he is at working and providing for your family, the more likely he’s going to feel uncomfortable asking for you to meet his needs. Or, he might even be totally oblivious he has needs.

Somehow, society has made it easier for women to ask for what they need. It’s socially acceptable because it makes you look feminine, but it doesn’t help make a man look more masculine. That whole damsel in distress expression, that’s only for women.

dude in distress?

Yeah, you’ve probably never heard that term before. It’s cuz men are expected to be prepared and capable. They are the heroes of the story. In this tale, the hero is never supposed to need anything. He doesn’t need saving. He’s the hero!

What Every Man Secretly or Subconsciously Craves

That’s why every man (and those men who are reading this, please correct me if I’m wrong) can appreciate a woman whose innate loving intuition prompts her to go out of her way to meet his needs, so he doesn’t have to ask, and because, sometimes, truth be told, men don’t always know what they need/want until a woman provides it.

All they know is that they feel either really blessed to have you around or they dread coming home.

And this has everything to do with whether you are the kind of woman who just takes(this woman makes him feel drained), or you’re the kind of woman who gives(this woman makes him feel refreshed).

I’m not saying that men shouldn’t be straightforward about their needs. I think that men should work on this because women aren’t mind readers, BUT, I do think he appreciates it if you go out of your way to spoil him.

Do you know what men need? In general?

What Men Need

They need plenty of affection, sex, food and drink, a relaxing atmosphere to come home to, good company (you and your positive, exuberant self!), positive feedback (be real, but don’t be a Debbie Downer. Your bitchy self is only excusable once a month because of hormones:).

Spoiling him might mean waking up every morning to make him lunch and coffee, kissing him goodbye and giving him a bear hug to warm him up all day, or making him dinner, or cleaning up after dinner cuz you know he’s been up on his feet all day. (of course this works best if the woman is working part time. I wrote an article about that here.) It might mean, never denying him of sex (I touch on that subject here.) or praying for him when you know he’s going to have a challenging day at work.

It’s your job to know your husband/partner well and look out for ways to meet his very unique, personal needs. Nate appreciates that I handle all of our bills, but maybe your partner likes managing your finances. Nate appreciates crawling into a bed that’s made, maybe your partner could care less! Once a week, I have “steak night” for Nate because it’s his favorite meal ever. The point is to take notice of your partner’s needs and wants and take initiative.

Or what about sometimes making breakfast in bed, or mending his clothes, ironing his shirts or relieving him of laundry and grocery duties? (Ok, I’m really sounding like a 1940’s housewife, but truth be told, I LOVE being this kind of wife)

Guys love when women cook for them. (Do I really have to say this? Yes, a woman cooking frequently is no longer the norm)

There’s nothing like a home cooked meal made with love, and a house smelling of food, and an atmosphere of comfort that makes him excited to come home every day. Add to that a wife who is smiling and excited to see him when he comes home, ready to shower him with kisses and affection? He’s going to feel like the luckiest guy alive.

Who wouldn’t?

Even if Nate and I won the lottery, I’d still make him the majority of our meals just because he prefers them to restaurant meals and appreciates the fact that he can come home, we can have a quiet dinner and privacy instead of having to meet at a restaurant. Making dinners for Nate is my way of serving him and loving him in a very personal way that he appreciates.

Basically, if you’re honest with yourself, you know when you’re in a relationship and you’re more focused on your own needs or the needs of your partner.

What Separates You from the Next Girl

One of the best compliments Nate has ever given me is telling me that if I were to die before he does, he wouldn’t get married again because he knows nobody could love him as well as I have. They wouldn’t be able to compete.

Hah! Not true!

It was a great compliment, but it was DEFINITELY not true, as all women can make the effort. But it is rare that you’ll find one who is willing and wanting to make the effort. That’s the problem. The good news is you know this is something you can put effort into, and thus make yourself the kind of person a man would want to be with. And this will separate you from other women.

How to Be More Confident Around Men

I think as a single woman, I always had confidence that the guy I was with would feel lucky to be with me. Not because of anything related to my appearance, charm, personality, intellect or anything like that, but because I knew I was willing to work hard at being a wife, and I was confident that I would enjoy it!

So many women have little confidence with men because they attach their confidence to their appearance, their personality, their ability to attract a man etc…

But let me remind you that even though initially these things seem to be of prominent importance, beauty fades and charm is deceitful, (Proverbs 31:30) and at the end of the day, and in the middle of your marriage, your man is going to appreciate you more not for how you look, how you carry yourself, but instead how you make him feel (does he feel lucky or unlucky to be stuck with you?) and how well you love him through your kindness (or lack of kindness).

If you attach your confidence in something you can control and something that won’t escape you (beauty fades), like how you’re willing and wanting to work at being a great partner, then you will be more confident with men. You will know innately that you have something so special to offer, a lifetime of sacrificial love expressed through your acts of service.

The Mindset You Should Have When You Get into a Relationship

Basically, you’re going into it thinking of what you can give the other person, not what you can get.

I went into marriage thinking, “My goal is to make him feel like the luckiest man alive.” And so far, so good:)

It doesn’t matter if he is the luckiest man alive, he just has to feel like he is:)

What I am NOT Suggesting

Don’t get me wrong. Don’t think that I’m suggesting you be this perfect, robotic stepford wife.

Last night, I overate. I had an embarrassing stress induced food binge after Nate went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling bloated and terrible. Before Nate left for work, I hugged him in tears, telling him, “Baby, I need you. I don’t feel close(he had to do a side job Saturday and then he had to go fishing with his boss Sunday). I don’t like myself this morning. Please pray for me today.” I confessed to him what I did last night, and he hugged me tight and promised we’d spend some quality time ASAP.

My point is you don’t have to be perfect to be a good partner. You want to be real about your struggles; it creates intimacy. But you also want to look for opportunities to meet his needs and spoil him:)

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. Dee

    I don’t entirely agree with this. In fact if a woman gives too much a man is likely to walk all over her. Men like a woman who won’t put up with bad behaviour and have a life that doesnt revolve around him. It’s the same with any kind of relationship, when one person is nice and gives and gives if the other person is unsure, it will actually just make the other person feel guilty that they aren’t putting as much as effort in and guilt is not a good feeling.

    • MidoriLei

      Dee, I think a man will walk all over a woman who gives too much if he’s the kind of guy who is already self serving to to begin with. If he’s the kind of man who thinks of others before himself, you will actually be spoiling a man who spoils you back. Spoiling a man doesn’t mean putting up with bad behavior. Spoiling him also doesn’t mean you have a life that revolves around him.

      I’m reminded of something I saw on tumblr the other day.

      “Be soft, kind and loving. But also take nobody’s shit.”
      — (via runfreeandfearless)

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