For Single Girls

Remarkable Difference Between the Sexes

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What makes this a “traditional” dating column

One of the key things that make this blog about “traditional” dating is the fact that I truly believe that men and women are different and thus have different roles in relationships. Many people would like to believe that we are all the same, but I constantly beg to differ.

How men and women react to high pressure jobs

The other morning I was awaken by a dating coach talking on the radio revealing some remarkable findings. It turns out that men and women react differently to high pressure jobs. Working in a high pressure job increases testosterone in the body, and for a woman this inhibits the release of Oxytocin, the “feel good” hormone.

On the other hand, this increase in testosterone in a man’s body actually does good things for him– it increases his sense of confidence. Amazing how the same hormone released in one gender can have a negative impact, while in the other gender it can have a positive impact!

Activities that increase Oxytocin in women

The dating coach goes on to say that a woman releases Oxytocin when she is engaged in “girly” things- getting her nails done, getting a massage, hanging with the girl friends. Stuff like that. Hence the “girly-ness” of the activity. “Girly” activities make a woman feel more like a woman. While high pressure activities (which increase testosterone) have the opposite effect on a woman.

It’s a guy thing

Makes sense that increasing testosterone in a man makes him feel more manly, more confident, right?! I think of how Nate thrives working 60 hour work weeks! He would ACTUALLY rather work 60 hours than 40 hours. Crazy. Now it makes a bit more sense. I know when we go on vacation, he tends to get bored. He misses the routine of work and the challenge of accomplishing stuff. When vacation is over, he’s more than ready to go back to work.

The ladies are different

I on the other hand, can not get enough of vacationing- spas, outings, going out to eat, seeing old friends, writing to my heart’s content, cooking for family…

Just evidence that we are wired more differently than we realize. Something to embrace, I think.

What this is NOT about

One message I’m NOT trying to send is that men should be doing all the work and women should be doing all the leisure/relaxing. That’s not at all what I’m getting at. Women thrive in work environments, don’t get me wrong, it’s just the “high pressure” part- the deadlines, the long hours, that kind of stuff really starts weighing on a woman.

A woman loves to get work done, but in her own time. We are good at making lists, checking things off, and getting it all done. But I think we do better with work when we have more flexibility over deadlines. Guys thrive on that challenge of meeting deadlines. I know Nate appreciates it.

What I am getting at

So guys, if you’re lacking in the confidence department, maybe it’s time to up the ante at work, in your career. Ask yourself if you’re challenged enough at work.

It would be interesting to see how many men with low confidence also have jobs that aren’t challenging or demanding.

Guys don’t realize there is a DIRECT correlation between a man’s level of confidence in life and his feelings toward his job. If a man feels successful and challenged at work, he is more likely to be confident overall.

And women, if you’re feeling not so happy all the time, maybe it’s time to engage in more “girly” activities and take a breather from the high pressure activities.

Readers, do you agree/disagree with this advice? I’d love to know your thoughts!

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. Ana

    Interesting about the increase in testosterone – I had a high powered job for years, stressful, with lots of overseas business travel at a moment’s notice. It was exciting in a way but it took it’s toll and eventually I left to start my own business working from home. I’m much happier now working at my own pace and with control over my time and environment, still busy, but much less stressed. I have time to enjoy more typical girly things and for my husband and family. I feel more feminine and sexier. I put that down to just being less stressed and happier but maybe it’s the testosterone thing. I love being at home, but I’m sure my husband wouldn’t. I agree that in general men and women are different. We can achieve the same things but they have a different effect on us. There are exceptions and a whole spectrum of experience for individuals, but I think it’s true for the majority of people.

    • MidoriLei


      Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think that you as a living example— it’s a great thing for other women to read. Happy you have found the right fit for you, working from home, having control over your own time, but like you said, staying busy. I don’t think idleness is the answer for sure. I just think that we thrive when we can control our schedules. What is your business?

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