Dating Advice

Relationship Advice from The Last Lecture

Author Randy Pausch and his family

Right now I’m listening to The Last Lecture, the book on cd written by a professor, age 47 who was dying of pancreatic cancer at the time of his writing. I recommend it! He has such an amazing story, and his book became a top seller. I just wanted to highlight two pieces of relationship advice he gives. Of course I’m paraphrasing.

For the men:

The walls you face are there to test just how much you want her.

    Basically, when you pursue a woman, you are inevitably going to encounter obstacles. Those obstacles are there for a very specific reason: to protect the woman and keep away the men who don’t want her enough. The theory is that if you are the guy she’s meant to be with, the guy who wants her bad enough, you’re not going to let any wall, any obstacle deter you. If she’s worth it to you, you are more than willing to overcome those barriers whether it be distance, her own reluctance or indecisiveness, disapproving family, whatever it may be.

    If at any point you start thinking, this isn’t worth it, it’s obvious that she’s not the girl for you. That wall was not yours to climb.

For women:

When it comes to relationships with men, disregard anything he says, and just pay attention to everything he does.

    He could actually be saying something, truly believing it even, but if his actions say something else, his actions are telling the truth.

    He says he loves you and can’t imagine life without you. But what are his actions? Does he refuse to marry you? Then the truth is he might not be able to imagine a life without you, but he sure can live with it if you disappear. Don’t settle for a guy with a lack of imagination, settle for the guy who has a clear picture of his future, one where he is sure you are in it.

    Does he say he misses you? But does he call? Does he make an effort to see you?

    You can miss a person like you miss your parents. You tell your parents you miss them, but you’re not hopping on the next flight to see them. You aren’t calling them everyday.

    Just know that there are many levels of “missing” someone, and sometimes you can miss someone like you miss getting new episodes of Friends. You notice for a second, as a passing thought, and then you flip the channel and soon forget about it because Don’t Trust the B in Apt 23 just came on.

    Don’t settle for being just a “passing thought.” You don’t want to be missed by a guy that way.

    The point is, words can fool you because words have many different meanings and intensities for people. With all the possible variables and interpretations, it’s better to just pay attention to a man’s actions. Actions will never fail you.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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