So Readers, as I promised, I’m going to share some secrets of how to get that thrill factor with your long term partner. This is a follow-up on last week’s post.

You don’t want to have to teeter on adulterous behavior (Think Carrie Bradshaw on Sex in the City 2) so you can get that “thrill factor” again.

You don’t want to have to toy with the idea of kissing an ex to get what Carrie calls the “sparkle.”

Like I said in my article “27 Things I learned in 27 years,” point number 20: The secret to happiness is to continually fall in love… and for the point of this article, I might rephrase:

The secret to happiness in marriage is to continually fall in love with the same person… over and over and over again.

And I’m not talking like I’m some crazy, naive newlywed who doesn’t realize that marriage is hard work. I know it’s hard work, asking two imperfect people to love each other unconditionally until they die. I mean, what other institution, promise, or contract asks for your very life? Your entire life?

My understanding of the “work” that it takes has to do with the fact that for it to be good, I mean REALLY REALLY good, so good the thought of being with another person or being single again wouldn’t even cross your mind, you have to BELIEVE it takes effort.

So before you shrug off these practical ideas, just see them as you putting in work. Making an effort to make your marriage or relationship as amazing as it can be.

Btw, all these ideas came from Chapter 7: Romantic Love: The Thrill Factor from the book Love Life for Every Married Couple by Ed Wheat, MD and Gloria Okes Perkins. I am directly taking material from this chapter, but I suggest you read the entire chapter. It is amazing. These practical steps I’ve taken out don’t really compare to reading the entire chapter.

1. Use your imagination.

How was it when you first fell in love with your spouse? Look at him through another woman’s eyes. Think about the things that are attractive about him. Imagination is perhaps the strongest natural power we possess. It furthers emotions in the same way that illustrations enlarge the impact of a book. It’s as if we have movie screens in our minds, and we own the ability to throw pictures on the screen–whatever sort of pictures we choose.

We can visualize thrilling, beautiful situations with our mates whenever we want to.

Build romantic love on your side of marriage by thinking about your partner, concentrating on positive experiences and pleasures out of the past and then daydreaming, anticipating future pleasure with your mate. The frequency and intensity of these positive, warm, erotic, tender thoughts about your partner, strengthened by the imagination factor, will govern your success in falling in love.

2. Give up outside attachments and daydreams about someone else if you have substituted another as an object of your affections.

Many people who are not in love with their partner begin daydreaming about someone else in an attempt to fill the emotional vacuum. Even if it is only in the fantasy stage, you need to forsake it and focus your thoughts on the one you married.

3. To maintain respect for your husband, never allow another person to tear him or her down in your sight.

Practice saying good things about your partner to other people. Think about how much your mate means to you and dwell always on the positive side of your partner’s character and personality.

4. Women, you have to realize that you are won over when men actively pursue you. You will be more attracted to a man who knows how to “man-handle” you;) than a man who is timid about sex. A man who is passionate about you and who spends time talking and listening to you will be a man easy to fall for over and over again.

This practical tip might seem directed to men, but in reality, it is the WOMAN who can create the “romantic climate” that encourages men to behave more passionately.

The best atmospheres include dim lights; a cozy winter evening before an open fire; sitting out on the porch or patio in spring or summer moonlight; times spent on or near the water, especially at night; strolls through a beautiful garden; walks on mountain trails or in the woods; drives in the hills; a peaceful, homey setting; romantic intimate restaurants; picnic lunches in a quiet park. Whatever you do, keep it just for the two of you. Men seldom become romantic when other people are around.

Wives, you have to remember that you have a powerful tool at your disposal. You are a woman! You have the power of seduction. Use it:)

5. Which brings me too this… I strongly, strongly believe in this. It is important that you never deny your husband of sex.

It’s even biblical. Your body is his, his body is yours. You’re not supposed to go without regular sex unless you both agree to pray for a time and abstain. But for the purpose of these practical exercises, it is VERY important that you don’t deny him. Why? Because every denial is rejection, and every rejection makes a man that much less interested in aggressively pursuing you. Then you feel less desirable. And then you get less of the “thrill” factor. It will just be a terrible cycle.

6. Spend time doing stuff together.

Shared moments take on significance. Researchers have found that shared emotional arousal is a catalyst in the development of romantic, passionate love. The emotions don’t have to be positive ones, but they must be felt in common.

For instance, you may experience an exciting moment together or share the glow of success, but you may also be drawn together as you react to the outside threat of danger. This may explain the noticeable increase in romance during the war years. The key factors are these: there must be a shared emotional experience involving intense feeling, resulting in a physiological response, and the receiving of the label approximating love in the minds of both.

Maybe this explains why I love to watch romantic dramas with my husband… and also why it makes me more loving:)

7. In providing the right emotional climate, do all that you can to avoid boredom even though your life must of necessity consist of routine.

Think of your relationship as a continuing love affair and look at every tender, generous, romantic word or act that you bestow on your partner as an investment in pleasurable memories and emotional experiences that can grow and multiply into romantic love.

8. Touch him often.

Innocently, and not so innocently. And DO IT OFTEN. Watch the infatuated teenagers. They are good at it. We can all learn a lesson from them.

9. Give him meaningful EYE CONTACT.

When your eyes signal romantic interest and emotional arousal, a spiraling response from your partner is likely. You know how strangers do it in the movies when they see each other across a crowded room. There’s this look they give that pierces the other and screams, “You are smokin’!”

Remember how Thandie Newton eyes Tom Cruise when they first meet in Mission Impossible 2?

10. As everyone knows, eros love is visually oriented. This indicates that both husband and wife should be as attractive and well-groomed as possible, whenever possible.

You can’t force him to get cleaned up, but you can wow him with your effort. He will be inspired and encouraged to meet you where you’re at. If you don’t “let yourself go” you’re more likely to have a spouse who will reciprocate.

There is soooo much more in this chapter! Get it at your library, or better yet, buy the book ( Love Life for Every Married Couple) and keep it in your home library as a reference book!