Dating Advice

Pet Peeve: Men who ASK for a Kiss

I know why men do it. They think it’s courteous. And yes, it is courteous, but seriously, I’m not looking for someone to have a tea party with.

I like when men steal kisses.

When they go in for the kill.

When a man asks, it just ruins it for me.

What am I supposed to say, “Umm, okay?” or “No, sorry… I uh… don’t feel like it?”

I think I speak for all women when I say, please don’t make us have to spell out rejection for you!

When you ask for a kiss and we don’t want to kiss you, it’s awkward.

If we do want to kiss you, you kill the spontaneity of the moment.

I just feel like telling all those men, “Damn it! Make like Nike and just do it!”

See, here’s why.

If you ask, we think you’re cute for asking.

We’re thinking, what a nice guy.

He’s so sweet.

Are those the adjectives you want to describe you?

Nice, cute, sweet?

If you just go in for the kill, you won’t get those adjectives.

Maybe she’ll be talking about the kiss for days….

Weeks even…

Years even…

She’ll be relaying it to friends…

She’ll think your kiss could rival a movie kiss…

She’ll describe it (or you) not as sweet, nice and cute, but

hot, intense, smooth, unforgettable…

Oh, this kiss comes to mind, young Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo and Juliet.

So go ahead, steal that kiss.

You may get the cheek dodge, but at least she can say you tried and took the risk!

Maybe I got this email from a reader which inspired this post:

Reader’s Email:

Hey i just had a quick question. Alright i think this girl likes me and i want to “make a move”. We play wrestle every now and then and like when i pin her arms behinde her head and she doesnt
really fight back. i was wondering, how do i make a move on her while wrestling?

Girl’s advice:

When she doesn’t fight back… and there’s that moment of possibility… make sure you look at her straight in the eyes…. give her that “I want you” look. Pay attention to how she responds. A smile or a return of that “I want you” look is a sign to just KISS her. Haha, and make it a HOT kiss! Cradle her head in your hands. Make it a passionate kiss to rival any movie kiss. EVERY GIRL wants to be kissed passionately. Take control. Let her know she’s being “man-handled!”

If she starts wrestling again or gets uncomfortable when you give her the “look,” or turns her head and can’t meet your gaze, then you know it’s a no-go.

Hope that helps!


Or maybe I talked to my high school sweetheart last night and we reminisced about our first kiss in detail. Which, btw, he didn’t ask for. Let’s just say I remember turning into butter.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  3. Lydia

    I love it! You’re right- some of my most memorable kisses DEFINITELY weren’t asked for!

  4. Anabelle

    lol, that made me laugh, thanks! Although it’s a serious point too! I know how awkward it can be but another point is that a guy who does that just doesn’t seem very confident to me either, almost as ifhe doesn’t think he is worty fo me and I don’t want that, I want a warrior!


  5. MidoriLei

    Anabelle, that is soooo true! The men who ask do seem less confident. wow!

  6. Lindsay

    Totally agree, but I have to point out a teeny error … that’s Claire Danes with Leo, not Kate Winslet 🙂

  7. MidoriLei

    Thank you Lindsay! Claire Danes! Guess I got Titanic on the brain:)

  8. Nathan

    Isn’t it funny how girls SAY they wasn’t a sweet, polite gentleman, but when it comes down to it, it’s the excitement of mischievous rogue that stands out?

    When guys get slapped from taking this advice, can they quote you on this? 😉 Then again, I guess it’s a lot what I’ve told friends about proposing: Don’t pop the question if you don’t know what her answer would be already. So perhaps it isn’t really “stealing a kiss” if it’s clear that she would agree…

  9. Nathan

    Err, make that “want”.

    And wow, Leo and Claire look so young! Or maybe I’m just getting old. Ha.

  10. MidoriLei

    The excitement of the mischievous rogue stands out as opposed to the sweet, polite gentleman because the mischievous rogue is usually also in hot pursuit of a woman. That shows confidence, courage, resilience to rejection. A man who goes after what he wants. The sweet, polite gentleman has the greatest intentions but sometimes he can be timid, holding back, putting out the bait, waiting for a woman to bite–waiting for her to take the jump and take a risk. There’s nothing attractive about timidity in a man. A man is most attractive when he is actively pursuing what he wants—in all areas of his life– his dreams and his dream woman. The sweet, polite gentleman who actively pursues women in the face of rejection left and right? That’s hot.

  11. MidoriLei

    Oh btw, if you get slapped in the face, you can quote me! Still, she’ll respect you more even leaving you with a mark on the face, than leaving you thinking you didn’t have enough balls to just go in for the kill.

  12. Bri

    OMG! This is sooo true lol! … I mean thanks God(lol) i didnt have the experience to be asked before a kiss, i mean I did imagine that escene and damn! it feels awkward but not because i imagined the guy that i like telling me, but because he destroy the environment he worked and what if the moment was great and he ruined it! lol!… and of course many factors affect the kissing escene, but I just dont know hw I would react specially if the person i really like asks me that (kiss)… since generally men are ruled by “taking risks” specially when drunk hahahaha …

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