Character.

Last night I was talking to my hubby about what it takes to make good choices. Growing up in a really strict home (God bless my parents; they are amazing!), gave me little practice in making my own choices. There was always someone else who wanted to choose my career, my decisions, my life. So now that I’m an adult, I find that I have a hard time standing behind my decisions. I have a hard time not second guessing my decisions. When it comes to eating, I have a hard time making the right decisions.

Nate told me something that really stuck to me. He said that the decisions we make when nobody is looking are the decisions that define our character. Whether that means cutting corners at work when you know you can get away with it, or drinking another beer in isolation when you know you’ve already had enough. Or for ladies, indulging to the point of overeating when nobody is looking, or maxing out that credit card.

How do you build character?

How do you choose to do the right thing instead of the wrong thing when nobody is looking? First know that the wrong thing is usually the easier thing to do. It is the thing that we do on impulse. Making the right decision or the right choice or taking the right course of action takes mindfully thinking about the consequences before we make the choice.

The Path of Good Choices or the Path of Bad Choices

The more times you choose to do the right thing, the easier it gets until you end up being the person who does the right thing naturally, out of habit. Good choices, beget more good choices. On the other side of the coin, bad choices beget more bad choices to the point where it becomes a habit to make bad choices. That’s how it’s been with my bad eating choices. I’ve made it a habit of turning to food when I need to instead vent to someone about my feelings.

I bet if you look at the lives of people in the media who have made horrifically huge bad choices, you’d find that it wasn’t the first bad choice they made, and that their lives were an accumulation of small and big bad choices that led to one really bad choice that got the media’s attention.

Why Every Choice Counts

So even in the seemingly unimportant, insignificant moments when it seems like you can cut corners and not get caught, or do the wrong thing and not be affected, remember when it comes to your character, every choice counts.

Every choice is making you a person with more integrity or less integrity, more honest or more dishonest, more trustworthy or less trustworthy, more reliant on alcohol, food or retail therapy or less reliant.

Making Good Choices is a Skill

Here’s the thing with making good choices that dawned on me. People aren’t born with the skill of making good choices. Like any skill, it requires learning and repetition. Good choices give you a satisfying outcome, and that gets plugged into your subconscious making it easier to naturally do it again and again.

Everybody makes bad choices. I’m not saying that we can ever be perfect. But I think the key is to always think about your choices before you make them, and know that every choice makes a difference in your character and in your future of making choices.

Why is Character an Attractive Quality?

Character is something that makes people attractive because the person who is trying to be discerning about you is looking at your character and deciding if you are someone who will be loyal, trustworthy, dependable, honest and faithful. This is something we all look at to make the decision of whether or not we want to be with someone long term. It also shows people if you’re headed for a life of bad decision making or a life of good decision making. Who wants to join you for the ride if you’re heading for a life of bad decisions? So character is important.

Reader’s Question:

I was wondering if there are places where that isn’t really appropriate.

For example, you mention church, but I have always thought that using a house of god as a meat market when you are suppose to be there to worship god, is sort of tacky. I have seen it more than once, were there will be a person going to church primarily for that reason, instead of what church was intended for.

Then on the other side of the coin, there are people who think its not right to date a co-worker. At first I used to think this was just an issue with maybe a few employers, but I have actually heard this more from employees. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with establishing a relationship with someone you like at work, as long as you still do your job, but appparently there are some that do.

So what do you think? Are there places where pursuing someone is innapropriate, or is any place fair game?

My Response:

You make some valid points. I think that as long as a guy is already going to church and will continue to go to church after he meets a woman, then he’s not “using it as a meat market.” If on the other hand he only goes there for that purpose and then doesn’t continue to go there afterward, then he is “using it as a meat market.” In the bible it says that “A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing and gains favor from the Lord.” (proverbs 18:22)

God definitely wants a man to “find” a woman, and by find, I mean go out there and look for her. And what better place to find a woman of God than the house of God? Worshiping God is not limited to singing songs to him and listening to a sermon. Worship involves a life of choosing God as “Lord” and doing what he commands. In a way, even sex in marriage is a form of worship to God because it is doing what God commands, (he commanded Adam and Eve to be “fruitful and multiply.”) marriage, family, kids, sex, all these things were God’s invention and something he blesses and wants to happen…

And for all of this to happen, it’s going to require a man to “find a wife.” I don’t see any reason why it would be bad to look for a woman in church.

As far as work relationships, I think that it’s fine as long as it’s fine with an employer and as long as you can continue to work well if you split up. If it will cause you to need to find another job because it will be too awkward working after a breakup, then you just have to ask yourself if it’s worth the risk.

I think any place is fair game.