My gift to you!

What does happiness have to do with dating and relationships? Everything.

I believe generally that happy people find themselves in happy relationships.

What do I mean by happiness?

Happiness is not some fleeting feeling. When I speak of happiness, I’m talking about a deep seated contentment. A joy that is internal that cannot be shaken. Does this mean you’ll never have bad days? No. It just means that when you look at the bulk of your life, you choose to see the best in all your circumstances and thus your “happy” days outweigh your “depressed” days.

Why do I feel qualified to write about happiness? All I have is my life. All I can share is what works for me. Can I be bold enough to say that I’m one of the happiest people I know? I wake up happy the majority of my days, and my heart is filled with gratitude for my life and all the people in it. That’s why I want to share the things I do that I believe contribute to my happiness.

So if you believe this is enough reason to continue reading, let me share with you my secrets!

I turned 30 January 4. The day was wonderful. I woke up and lounged around the house, then enjoyed some vegetarian Chinese food and taro boba tea with 3 friends at Cafe Happy. Then we enjoyed hour long body massages at Footopia. Later that evening, I met with family and Nate for Taiwanese food at Facing East. (I highly recommend this place! My sister-in-law’s boyfriend is Taiwanese and says it’s authentic and good!)Aside from the pictures below, we also had bitter melon with eggs, fried milkfish and oyster mushrooms! OMG it was a feast!

Okay, now that I’ve thoroughly whet your appetite for some Taiwanese food and gone off on a tangent… Let’s get to the list!

1. Get the thankfulfor app on your phone.

It’s my New Year’s resolution to write 5 things I’m thankful for before I get out of bed every morning. So far, I have noticed that I am a happier person just for adding this little routine into my daily schedule! If you wake up and your first thoughts are positive, good things and you count your blessings, I think it sets the stage for positive thinking all day long. I know it has worked for me!

The app is so easy to use. You just press the + button, add the thing you’re thankful for and press “post.” It also has public thanks so you can read what other strangers are thankful for in real time and gratitude quotes to inspire you.

2. Take Omega 3 supplements

Here’s what I take: ProNutrients Omega 3, 100-Count

Besides the fact that I don’t think anyone has anything bad to say about omega 3s, it’s just proven that it helps with moods! I’m a believer… and it’s an added plus that I know I’m treating my skin and my heart well.

3. Separate your appearance from your value and worth as a person.

I wrote about that here. This has been the most breakthrough belief change I’ve gone through and it has really made me a happier person!

4. Don’t wait until the weekend to see your friends.

Seriously? Why wait until the weekend? I’m a huge fan of getting together on or around hump day. Women need community. Men need it too, but I think not in the same way as women do. Just getting together and sharing stories and laughing about stupid stuff, this kind of regular interaction really nourishes our souls. Seriously! When I can’t see my friends during the week, I have one of my best girl friends on speed dial so I’m chatting away while I’m doing laundry or organizing my closet. If not that, I’m sharing funny texts with friends!


“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. quotes (American Writer, b.1922)

5. Find your good addiction.

There are a whole range of bad addictions: alcohol, drugs, food, pornography, hoarding material things, hoarding animals, to name a few off the top of my head.

You probably know your bad addiction, your “vice,” the thing you turn to for comfort, relief or escape from a hard or boring reality.

Mine is food.

There are also good addictions. I have discovered mine to be happy music, dance and writing. Do you know yours?

I was obsessed with this song for a whole summer!

6. Have lots of sex! And have it often!

Ready for some over share? Semen has serotonin! Yay! Got this quote from the article, Does Semen Make Women Happy?

It (sperm) makes up approximately 3% of the solution, but the rest of the seminal fluid has more than 4 dozen other chemicals. One of which is serotonin: The main neurotransmitter in antidepressants like Prozac Lexapro, Zoloft and Paxil. But wait—other mood enhancing chemicals are also present, like oxytocin, the “love hormone, “ which has been linked to such things as orgasm, social recognition, maternal instincts and anxiety reduction.

Curious to read more? Here’s another article, An ode to the many evolved virtues of human semen from the Scientific American Journal.

7. Don’t just let life happen to you, take the reins and MAKE PLANS.

This was taken from the Happiness Project, and worthy of reflection!

Well, for now, I’ll just say that the Third Splendid Truth is: there are four stages for enjoying a happy event:
– anticipation (looking forward to it)
– savoring (enjoying it in the moment – remember to turn off your cell phone!)
– expression (sharing your pleasure with others, to heighten your experience)
– reflection (looking back on happy times – so take pictures)

Anticipation is a key stage; by having something to look forward to, no matter what your circumstances, you bring happiness into your life well before the event actually takes place…

Everyone should be able to pull out a calendar and see at least a few fun things scheduled in the future weeks.

If your life is a parade of obligations, dreaded tasks, horrible encounters, and mandatory appearances, take a minute to figure out something that YOU would find fun, and make time for it. And don’t forget — just because something is fun for someone else doesn’t make it fun for you.

What am I anticipating and excited about as of late? This weekend out with my sister-in-law, her boyfriend and Nate checking out my first Gastropub…



Tuesday trying out a new airobics class,


and my birthday gift to myself coming in the mail this week: Body Back Buddy Trigger Point Massager



There’s something about trying new things with old buddies that makes for a happy existence:)

8. Focus on people instead of accomplishments, goals, money, and possessions.

You’ve probably heard this quote before:

“It has been said that we need just three things in life: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.”

We’ve already covered the “something to look forward to” part. Now for the “someone to love” part. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, I’m sure you know I’m a huge proponent of building a life around relationships, not just with your significant other, but with friends and family. There is a reason why solitary confinement is a form of torture, because we were created to be communal.

I’m so excited to watch this documentary, about a millionaire who chooses the life of simplicity, moving from mansions to a mobile home, creating space in his life for the people and things he truly loves. I know I’ve posted about this before, but nonetheless, check it out if you haven’t already:

9. Do work that you enjoy.

Onto the last part of that quote, “something to do.” Do you know how many times the wise King Solomon mentions work in his book Ecclesiastes? He repeats himself 3 times. When I realized this, something inside me just clicked. Work is important. Having something to contribute to the world, contribute to your income and how you provide for yourself and your family, this is a blessing. The lazy man, the man without purpose, the selfish woman, the woman with only selfish ambitions? These are the sad people, the unfulfilled people. They are grasping after the wind coming up empty handed.

King Solomon is famous and known as one of the wisest (if not the wisest) person to have ever lived.

Here’s what he says about work:



Eccl 2:24-There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God…

3:13-also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.

5:18-Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.

I write because I love it. I write because I get into “creative flow” and forget about the clock. That’s one of the ways of knowing you’re in the right profession. I encounter resistance most days, but that is just part of the art. You can read about this phenomena in the book, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, which I highly recommend for anyone in a creative profession!



It is challenging and there are days where I don’t feel “inspired,” but the days that produce satisfying work make those days worth it.

When I was working 40 hours doing retail, I didn’t have time to write. Nate and I talked about my situation after we paid off most of our major debts and now I only work 20 hours or less in retail so I can focus on my real calling. Has this made me a happier person? OMG YES!!!!

Life is short, and our lot in life is to enjoy work, enjoy food and drink with the people we love. That is happiness.

10. Believe in God.

Did you see this one coming? “Something to hope for…” If you ask me why I believe in God, you will be surprised at how silly my answer is. You can tell me there is no proof of his existence and it’s foolish to believe, and I will embrace the life of a “fool.” I will tell you, if there is proof, then there would be no need for faith. I would tell you that the reason why I believe in God, why I believe in Jesus is because it gives me hope for an afterlife. The reality of death in our existence is so real, that I couldn’t be at peace with my existence if I believed I would never see the ones I love after they passed or that I would become nothing after death.

I need something to hope for that is beyond next weekend, the next decade, the next century. And you tell me, well what if, at the end of it all, it’s not true? And I would tell you, well, I have not lost anything by believing.

And then I would tell you, but what if it is true? You, the one who chooses to not believe, will have lost out on eternity. And I, just by simply believing, will have gained eternity. It’s just a matter of weighing out my losses versus what I could gain.

Did you know that there is more historical proof of Jesus than Julius Caesar? Jesus said he is God. There’s only two ways to react to this. You can’t say he’s just a great person. He is either crazy (Think David Koresh) or he is telling the truth.

I choose to believe the latter.

Your turn to dig: Once upon a time there was an atheist who set out to prove that Jesus was not real. Instead, through his thorough research, he became a believer. You can read about his story in The Case for Christ: A Journalist’s Personal Investigation of the Evidence for Jesus

Back in college something happened to my older brother that made him realize this very fact:

Women are attracted to men of status.

At first glance, you might think that women who are attracted to men of status are the same kind of women who marry old, dying rich men just to secure their fortune once their pace maker stops.

But I am here to give you the hard truth.

All women are attracted to men of status.

Here’s why:

1. Women only fall in love with men they respect, and status puts you in a “respectable” position in society.

Even the most famous wife of all time (The Proverbs 31 wife) was attracted to status. This is proof that the appeal of status is not reserved for just your average lowly gold digger. The Proverbs 31 wife was an outstanding character, a woman many men want to marry, and a woman revered by many wives and wives to-be.

You think the entire chapter was just about her Uh-mazing qualities, but if you read closely, it mentions her husband!

Proverbs 31:23


“Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.”

… which says something about being with a great woman. Amazing women want to be with respected, respectable men. Plain and simple.

Maybe you know some loser of a guy who has a hot girlfriend. She’s fed up with his loserish ways but never leaves him. You’re thinking, What about that guy? And I’m telling you, she may be with him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s attracted to him. She’s probably LOSING her attraction for him! Women hold onto relationships like a bad habit sometimes. Sometimes it’s being codependent. Sometimes it’s the fear of being alone. Sometimes you’re just afraid of the unknown. It could be many things, but it is definitely not because she’s head over heels wanting-to-jump-on-a-couch like Tom Cruise kinda attraction.

2. Leadership is hot.

Women are attracted to men who take risks and who dive into responsibility. You know what’s NOT attractive? A man who’s only goal in life is to please you. Women want to know you have other hobbies, other goals, other ambitions. And in those ambitions, if you step up to the plate and take the risk and the responsibility of leading others toward a goal, it’s just THAT much hotter. Think of Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Women have their eye on the leader of the pack! He is the alpha male and the MAN among men. If other men look up to you, it’s hot! It says something about your character when other men want to follow your lead. Again, it shows respectibility. And nothing is hotter than a man who can gain our respect.

3. Status creates a platform. Women notice. And that causes other women to notice.

So being in a position of status means that men look up to you or follow your lead, yes?

At the same time, women also take notice.

Let’s go back to my brother, Dee. One semester in college, being relatively unknown, he started pursuing women with no luck. Fast forward one semester later when he became Religious Vice President of the entire university. Women started taking notice. He started having a little “following.” When you have a couple women start thinking you’re cool, their friends start taking notice. And that effect has everything to do with status. Soon enough, he realized that women were starting to get really “friendly” with him. Women started obviously crushing on him.

It’s that same effect that you see even in the blogosphere. When you visit a site that has no “following,” you may become interested, you may not. But when you go to a site that has a huge following, immediately you start thinking, Hmmm, there must be something cool about this blog. Let me stick around to check out what others already have concluded is worth following.

And this same phenomena happens with men of status. They have a platform for others to take notice, and popularity breeds more popularity. That’s just the nature of the beast, which leads me to my last point:

4. Women are attracted to “likability.”

Women instinctively know that the identity of the man they are intimately associated with will be read by others as part of her own identity.

Think of the First Lady. Or Princess Kate Middleton. In these extreme cases, they have a position of respectability merely because they are married to men of status.

Women want to be loved and adored by men, but women want to be respected, liked and admired by other women.

In a way, status just shows likability by a large group of people. Women are naturally socializers because we are the “cooperative,” “community oriented” gender.

Because of this, women want men who have a network of associates. She wants to have parties to go to, dinner parties to host. She wants to mingle in society. In order to do that, she has to be with someone who others know and like. Status provides all of this.

She’s more likely to date the guy who has male friends instead of the hermit.

I know status matters to women because deep down we just want to be with someone we can respect. When others have given a man honor and recognition by giving him a title or a position, it is just valid, tangible proof that a man has respectibility.

In my dating history, I’ve noticed that I have gravitated to men of power, status, social standing, leadership positions.

I have dated the college peer choir director. I’ve been attracted to the band leader. I married a general foreman. I dated a guy who became the sheriff. I crushed hard on the unattainable missionary leader who every woman in my university wanted.

What does status say of a man?

• It says, “I’m doing something with my life and people are noticing.”
• It says, “I’m not lazy.”
• It says, “I’m responsible.”
• It says, “I’m respectable.”
• It says, “I’m likable.”
• It says, “People have put their confidence in me.”
• It says, “I work hard to get recognition and to make a difference.”
• It says, “I make good use of my time.”
• It says, “I’m ambitious.”
• It says, “I know what I want, and I’m willing to work hard for it.”
• It says, “I’m socially adept and intelligent.”
• It says, “I am confident in my abilities and skill.”

Remember how I always say confidence is the HOTTEST trait of all time?

Guys, do you see? What’s NOT to love about these messages?

Ladies, can you relate to any of the points I’ve made? Have you noticed yourself becoming attracted to men of status?

Guys, have you ever experienced the effect that status has on attracting women?