Everyone needs to make a list. A non-negotiable list of what you must have in a partner.
I’ve dated a lot. Probably too much.
And I’m bringing this to you because it is something that I learned through the knocks of life. A hard earned lesson that I hope you come to easier than me.
Have a list
But not an unattainable list. Not like:
- Loves animals
- Family values
- Stable job
- Loves to laugh
- Wants to travel
- Engaging, not addicted to phone
- Human Rights Advocate
Where you really look at what you require in a partner to be satisfied with your partnership.
We all have choices to make. We get to chose our friends, our pets, our careers, our vehicles, our states/cities and towns. And we get to chose our partner. There is everything right about having standards, having qualifications and having requirements for someone to be your partner.
Lessons from Comedy
I heard this comedian one time. He was a genius. Hilarious, to the point and surprisingly profound. To truly butcher a story:
He was on a train in Russia. Some Russian thugs wanted him to carry drugs for them. Reflecting back later in life he realized that before that moment, he had never made a decision regarding what he would do if he were confronted with any illicit activity, specifically being a mule for drugs.
Fast forward a decade. He is married. Happily married. It’s a lazy Sunday morning and he is laying in bed with his wife and his 2 daughters. As he is laying there he thinks, “this is pure,” and made a conscious decision that he would never do ANYTHING to jeopardize what he has.
So, later, when he is at a bar with some buddies and an attractive woman starts to flirt with him, it is only natural that he would scream, “NO!! nO!! No!!” take one last swig of his drink and go wait outside for his Uber.
I think that the point he makes is something we must consider for most walks of life, but especially for dating.
We must make a decision ahead of time, or in the moment we might end up being a mule for drugs. Not likely, but still..
In dating this looks like a list.
A list of general must haves, and must not haves.
So when the genius-model walks into your life, but she is not kind, she hates animals, she doesn’t want to travel, she hates family time, she hates your friends and she is addicted to her phone, you are not swayed by her looks or intellect.
Instead, you realize that you could never be happy with someone who does not like your dog, mom or your friends. You could never feel truly satisfied in life with out seeing the 7 Wonder of the World. And you want your lay activities to be engaging not staring at the top of someone’s perfectly styled hair while they check their Instagram feed.
So here is the part where you must do some soul-digging.
You need to look deep to see what big idea traits you must have in a partner.
Think generals, not specifics. Think all encompassing, not limiting. Think of character, life-style, hobbies, and your family culture. What things are a part of you that must be met with a complimentary trait in your partner, and what things are more of a bonus.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is some wiggle room.
Say your model met 12 out of your 13 qualifications. Say she just isn’t neat, maybe be ready to clean a little more than usual, or hire a maid.
But there has to be some basic, hard and fast character traits that you look for from the start. This way you do not end up feeling like you wasted time. Like I did…you can read about it and see my non-negotiable list here.
The most important thing that we can do as we plan, examine and decide what we desire, is to make it a heart felt matter of prayer. Once you have your list, do not set it to the side but pray over it, and the person God has intended for you daily.
What are your thoughts? Do you have a list you could share with us?