Let me tell you what’s scary about love…
You don’t know if she’s going to say “yes” or “HELL no! Not if you were the last person on earth!” (I heard a girl tell this to a boy at the playground)
If she does say yes, you don’t know if she will be your soul mate or the girl who greets you at the door with her bags packed telling you, “I’m sorry, but I have to find myself.”
If she says “I do,” you don’t know if she will keep her promise or end up falling for her coworker, leaving you with the explanation, “I’m just not in love with you anymore.”
If she does stay faithful, you don’t know if you will see the day when you get that dreadful phone call from the Justice of the Peace telling you she was in a head on collision, or you get the news from the doctor that she has breast cancer and it’s too late to do anything about it because the cancer has spread.
It’s synonymous with love. There are more casualties than there are survivors. And many of those who survive are only hanging on by a thread.
Why do it? Why put any energy into something, someone who has the capacity to bring your world crashing down just by a mere goodbye?
Is it truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?
Because the scary thing about love is that one day it will be gone by your choice, someone else’s choice, or because of death.
How morbid is that?
But there’s something scarier than losing someone you love.
It’s perpetual, lifelong loneliness. Loneliness will make you go crazy. We are social beings. And because most of your friends will end up married, you can’t just always hang out with the guys. You either follow suite or end up being the crazy bachelor uncle your nieces and nephews wonder about: Why is he still single?
Love is unlike anything else. On the one hand it is temporal and fragile, but on the other hand, it is strong and resilient. Two people soldered together make for a new unit– and if you work at it just right, and if they work at it just right, you may never have to feel lonely until one of you passes–and that could be a lifetime.
You build this little bubble. You fill it with shared dreams, secrets, inside jokes. You share your past, you plan for the future, you confess your fears. You add shared history, children, and all the workings of a day-to-day existence.
And with all that, you’ve created this place, this refuge where there are no secrets, no judgment– you are completely naked and unashamed. You are bare, and there’s this one person in the world who knows you through and through, and loves you nonetheless.
How amazing is that???!!!
That’s why all the risk is worth it.
Because deep down our greatest need as humans is to be be fully known and fully loved.
And I’m telling you, there’s nothing in the world that will ever compare to what you have when you are alone, just sharing in each other’s company.
That bond is something you cannot replicate in any other relationship. I believe it’s a risk to love, but it’s a greater risk to not take that risk.
But if you’re willing to take that risk, you gotta jump in the deep end. You gotta submerge yourself in it. What do I mean by this? I mean, when you’re ready for love, you can’t be lukewarm about it. You either go for that girl and give it all you’ve got, or don’t even waste your time. Know once you go down that path it will take ALL of you to make it work. Love is jealous. It demands to be first. It is not willing to compete with your hobbies, your career, or your buddies. It wants to be first, and it will never settle for second place.
If you’re going to be a survivor and actually THRIVE in it, and not be another casualty, you have to be prepared to make it your first priority. You think it’s a commitment to a woman, but it’s more than that. It’s a commitment to love. You see those people who go from one relationship to the next wondering why it never works out? Maybe it’s because they’ve never come to the realization that it’s not the other person. It’s not even them. Love, by its very nature demands to be first. If you can’t make love your first priority, you’re just going to go from one woman to the next and you’ll never experience something lasting. Love may demand to be first, but in return it gives you something worth more than anything else the world could offer.