Love After Lock Up

There are not a lot of TV shows that I watch. I don’t have a lot of extra time and the time that I do have I prefer to sleep, clean, eat or workout. But there are some shows that have caught my attention.  I am a faithful watcher of Big Bang Theory, still quote Friends and aspire to be Dorothy from The Golden Girls. And last year I found Love After Lockup on Netflix from WeTV.

Has anyone else seen this show?!! Obviously because it has a large enough fan base to warrant a second season. I’m enthralled!

The premise is people who find a love connection over the internet with inmates and pursue a relationship with them.  The story starts a few episodes before the inmate is released then follows their (inevitably tumultuous) relationship.

I love relationships and all of the intricacies that go with them.  I like helping people figure out what they want, what they need, what to do and why they should do it.  So this show sucked me in immediately.  Because I am really, deeply trying to figure these people out (without judgement).

My first question.


With Tinder, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Bumble, EHarmony, Match and countless other dating sites why

…would you look for someone on the inside instead of the outside?
…would you connect yourself to someone that will have baggage, trouble finding a job and a high chance of being incarcerated again?
…would you want to be with someone that you know you won’t be able to spend time with?

It makes me want to delve into their psyche.

So Let’s Do It!

All of these people get into a relationship with lofty hopes and perfect daydreams.  They expect their inmate to fill a void that they have. They expect them to get out of prison and step into their life to fit a mold that they have carved for their ideal person.

They forget one important thing.  These inmates that they are entering into a relationship with are people.  They have a formed personality, their own ideas, interests and desires.

In most of the relationships, not all, but most, the person on the outside expects to have their ex-con partner bend to their desires, whims and wishes when they get out.  They expect that because they stayed faithful while the person was locked up the ex-con will live their dream life.

I think that all of these people have had some pretty shotty luck in love or in life.  A lot of them came from broken homes or seem to have relationship baggage that is too heavy to carry.  So they get into a relationship with someone that supposedly can’t cheat.  They’re in prison, so their whereabouts are always known.

I imagine for someone who has been mistreated and disrespected this is a lullaby to their insecurities and helps them to feel like it is all going to be ok.

It’s NOT!

I repeat. It will not be ok.  These inmates have made mistakes and they are paying the price.  They are worthy of forgiveness and love. But not like this.

Not to mention that all of the couples are trying to get married AS SOON AS THE INMATE GETS OUT.  They’ve never met in person.  And they are moving in together. Talk about pressure pushing someone back into their addictions.

I watch these couples and over and over I hear this voice whispering, “WHY. What are you doing. What is wrong with you?” Then I realize it’s me.

And that I’ve been sucked in.  I’m half way through season two and my heart breaks for the inevitable disasters these relationships are headed to. From infidelity to addiction to using someone. And the whole time I am rooting for them.  Hoping they beat the odds. Hoping their relationship works and they really have found love and my cynical mind is wrong.

Trash TV doesn’t get any better than this.

Anyone else addicted? Why do you think these people are pursuing relationships with inmates?

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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