Dating Advice

Looks in Dating: Examine the person, not just the package

Julie had a type. She always dated models and Greek god look alikes. Looks mattered. Though she didn’t realize it, they came before character and quality. And nothing ever worked out.

She’s young, hitting 33, but ready to settle down and start a family.

Then she met Eric. Not her type at all. From head to foot a different kind of guy.

They started as friends. As they got to know each other she saw more of the qualities in him that she wanted in a life partner than she had seen in anyone else she had dated.

He was:


An entire list of amazing qualities wrapped in a package that she would have previously friend-zoned because of looks.

And here she was, falling in love with her friend.

When Julie told me about Eric and how she felt about him, I could see the love bubbling around her. Her happiness was evident. I can still remember how adorable she was when she was telling us about him. We were on a mission trip in Panama. She was running the medical area and I was a grunt working construction. We were hanging out in the hot tub one evening. I was trying to relax some underdeveloped muscles and she was trying to unwind from seeing a ton of patients in a day. She would tell us some cute anecdote, then laugh and say she was not supposed to be sprung, he was the one that was supposed to be sprung. And then tell us something else that he did that she loved.

I walked away from that conversation with a deeper understanding for the wise old adage: “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Eric was not her definition of an ideal man physically, but he was her ideal man where really it counted.

While there does have to be attraction, it does not have to be immediately movie star electricity. It can be hot-coco comfortable and grow into something steamy and delicious for life.

Want more about the importance of the type of person you date? Check out Midorilei’s article from 2016 about how Character trumps Chemistry.

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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