For the Ladies:
In this blog, I’ve harped on women, reminding myself and all my female readers that “whatever it is you did to get his attention, you have to keep doing to maintain his attention.”
If you had good hygiene, if you dolled up once in a while, if you kept a fit body, if you were sweet and kind, if you made him great meals, if you kept up with sports for him,
WHATEVER it is that you did initially to attract your man, you should KEEP doing, otherwise it’s just FALSE ADVERTISING.
No one likes false advertising.
You know that bottle of miracle cream that says it’s going to do A, B, and C and didn’t do any of the above?
That’s what it’s like when you get into a long term relationship with a woman who doesn’t continue to make an effort.
It’s like watching a teaser trailer and then going to a movie only to find out it was NOTHING like what you were expected to believe.
So, if you’re thinking, THAT’s ALOT OF WORK TO KEEP UP… then my second piece of advice to the women reading this is…
THEN DONT START DOING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
If you don’t like wearing makeup, and don’t plan on wearing makeup at all once you get into a relationship, then don’t wear it to begin with.
If you plan on not taking care of your body once you get in a relationship because you actually hate exercise, then don’t get fit just to attract someone.
Did you know if you gain or lose 20lbs more than what you look like when you first met, you actually look like a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON?
Appearance isn’t everything, but in eros love, it’s the difference between being physically attracted and finding someone desirable and not.
Be who you are, so that a man can fall in love with who you really are, not just the version you create to pull him in.
Now for the gentlemen:
I get so many comments from men who are having a hard time keeping a woman happy. (here’s the post.)
Guys, you have to understand something about most women. We like the beginnings, when you “woo” us, when you make an effort to date us. When you’re all ears, attentive and can’t help but give us your undivided attention.
So it is the same advice for men as it is for women.
WHATEVER YOU DID TO GET HER, you must KEEP doing to keep her, or at least keep her happy.
If date nights only happen because SHE is planning something, then you know you’ve slacked off.
She hasn’t changed guys. She still CRAVES your attention.
She still LOVES getting surprises.
She still LOVES when you PLAN outings.
It’s not enough that you go along with whatever plans SHE has.
You might think you’re doing a great job just being agreeable.
“I want to try that new pizza place that Debbie has been talking about.”
“Okay baby, let’s go.”
That’s nice and all, but that’s NOT enough.
You actually have to plan things too, you know, kinda like when you were dating?
It makes her feel like you’re thinking about her, ways to make her smile, all these things you did NATURALLY when you were trying to win her heart.
Now that you’ve secured her heart, if you keep trying to impress her for the rest of her life, this is the guarantee that she will feel loved, cherished, adored, all the things that every woman wants to feel.
If you’re vegging on the couch 6 days out of your week, I PROMISE YOU, to her this isn’t “quality time.”
Girls wanna have fun. At least sometimes.
She understands you work hard all week.
She knows you deserve to relax.
BUT she needs newness, a change of pace, something different.
Once in a while.
And your role in making this happen, in caring, in MAKING an EFFORT is the kind of thing that will…
PREVENT you from falling into long term relationship ruts.
Relationships take work because they take EFFORT.
The beginnings are easy.
Excitement in the beginning is natural because everything is NEW.
But once you settle into a long term relationship, NOTHING is new.
You have to WORK at making things new, and that means doing novel things together. NOt just the same ole same ole.
It’s proven that doing new things together on a regular basis helps keep the excitement in the relationship alive.
No girl wants to settle for same ole same ole.
She’s happy that you guys can be content doing nothing together and you’re super comfortable, but I promise she’s itching for you to take her out to…
try a pottery class
a cooking class
check out a new hike
go wine tasting
try paddle boarding
try out a new fitness class
check out a new restaurant with food you know SHE would love
try out a new French bakery
do something from Groupon you’d never thought of doing
Anything guys. Anything different.
If it sucks, you can bond by laughing about it. It will always be a memory you can look back at and say, “OMG remember that time we tried the trapeze class and someone had to get you down with a ladder because you were frozen in fear?!!!”
And if it doesn’t suck, you had this new experience together that will make you feel rejuvenated– it will bring new life into your relationship.
But it takes money you say.
Yes it DOES sometimes take money. But you knew that from the beginning when you dated her.
But she’s worth it.
And having a happy women around you all the time, well my dear friend, it will be worth it for you too.