Today I had a fall out with a friend.
It was really strange actually.
For a while I’d been bothered by something.
Finally, when a friend was mentioned again, I brought it up:
“I don’t like that you talk badly about ___________ but you don’t tell her to her face what she did wrong. I hope that if I do something to offend you, you would tell me instead of talking behind my back.”
Her reply shocked me, but I realized she was just admitting non apologetically to what most people actually do:
“Yeah, that’s how I am if people do me wrong.”
WHEN SOMEONE ADMITS THAT IF I DID THEM WRONG THEY WOULD TALK SMACK BEHIND MY BACK INSTEAD OF CONFRONTING ME
(taken from the most HILARIOUS blog about blogging)
I told her that was the wrong way to go about it, which upset her.
She then decides that maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.
It ended with me saying,
“If you don’t want my friendship, I understand. I’m just telling you the truth. A real friend tells you the truth even when it’s hard to hear.”
Nothing from her.
With friendships, conflicts are bound to happen.
Same thing with relationships.
Dealing with conflict is hard, I understand.
It’s hard to tell anybody, “Look, you did this, and I was hurt by it.”
It’s much easier to just vent to someone else and talk behind someone’s back.
People do this in friendships all the time.
Wives Who Badmouth their Husbands
Wives are notorious for talking badly about their husbands behind their back, venting to their mothers and best friends.
What the wife doesn’t realize is that every time she does this, she is helping her friends and family lose respect for her husband.
Sometimes those family and friends also start losing respect for the wife.
When a wife is badmouthing her husband, the audience is definitely NOT thinking,
Wow! He’s so lucky to have you!
When a wife badmouths her husband, she looks foolish.
With her words she is tearing down her own home from the inside out.
When she attacks her husband, she is dividing her kingdom.
She’s no longer trustworthy.
A wife is responsible for her husband’s reputation. Her words can tear him down or bring him up in the eyes of everyone he knows.
The Better Approach
So why do people talk to outsiders instead of directly to the person who has hurt them?
It doesn’t solve the problem.
The only way to solve the problem is to tell the person who is creating the problem.
That’s why I’m glad that the Bible has laid it out plainly, just how to deal with conflicts in any relationship:
We tell the offender first.
If Your Brother(or Friend or Partner) Sins Against You
(From Matthew 18:15-17 ESV)
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.