Just spell it out.

There are going to be sooo many men emailing me and thanking me for this post, as I will make the broad assumption that ALL men will agree on what I call the “Hint-Free Zone.”

What is the hint free zone? In a perfect world, all men would be vacationing in this zone 24/7. The rule in this zone is that the guy cannot get the silent treatment, a brutal verbal attack or any other weapon of retaliation from their woman if she did not spell out what she wanted. If she only “hinted” or worse yet, if she said something and meant something else, those vague messages cannot be used against the man.

You don’t know HOW many countless times women friends have come to me, complaining about their men’s bad behavior. Problem is, they get upset over things their men are clueless about! Their logic?

They say, “He should have known.” or “He should have known better.” or “It’s common sense.”

This statement implies that men think the way women do. HELL NO they don’t! We cannot assume their common sense is the same as ours as you know we get all pissy when they try to hit us with their “common sense.” For example, if a woman wants to lose weight, what does a guy’s common sense say? “Just eat less and move more.” “Just don’t overeat.”

And every woman will roll her eyes thinking, He has no idea. Like it’s THAT easy!

So when a woman is talking to her man on the phone and is upset and then she wants to hang up and says “I’m going to bed” in a big huff, she shouldn’t assume he knows this means that he needs to cuddle up next to her THE MINUTE he walks in the door and “talk things out.” (LOL Guilty as charged)

When he hears, “I’m going to bed,” he thinks exactly that– that the woman wants to be left alone to sleep. Women on the other hand assume this logic: He can’t possibly think this conversation is over! How can he just come home and turn on the tv as if nothing happened between us? (guilty again)

Funny thing, men say what they mean and mean what they say. So when we say something and expect them to read between the lines, we are being just plain stupid. (guilty again)

Or another example. If you’re driving together and you see an ice cream shop and say something along the lines of “I love the praline ice cream from haagan daaz. Omg, I can’t believe there’s a shop here! They are so hard to find!” that is exactly what he’s hearing. So don’t expect him to pull over and grab you a cone. Why? Because you hinted. You didn’t VERBALIZE “I want an ice cream cone.” All you said was that you love ice cream.

So you’ll sit there and be quiet and get all pissy thinking, What an inconsiderate jerk. Why didn’t he pull over?ehh, because sweetie, you never asked him to pull over.

Women will always have to fight their natural tendency to give hints. Giving hints is as instinctual to a woman as it is to reach for chocolate when we’re down. Instead of giving hints, we need to learn how to just ask for what we need and want.

In the movie, How do You Know, Reese Witherspoon’s character is learning how to communicate. Here’s a memorable scene with a psychiatrist who offers sage advice:

Lisa:

So I was just wondering if there was one general thing that you’ve found over the years to be generally true in a general way that would help anyone in any situation?

Psychiatrist:

That’s a great question, yes, I would say figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.

Lisa:

OK. Those are both really hard.

watch the movie ladies!