For Single Girls

Is Love a Choice or a Feeling?

I think it’s both.

It’s a feeling I can’t control because the heart wants what it wants, and a part of me can’t control who I’m attracted to, drawn to, or have chemistry.

But a part of it is a choice– a commitment to hold on to this person I have chemistry with— forever, with the realistic view that this person is not going to always be as perfect as they seem right now.

It’s living with the realistic view that it’s not always going to be easy, and I’m not always going to want this person as strongly and as passionately as I do now–

But when those times come, I’ve backed up my feelings with a decision to stay through it all.


Because the feelings are volatile.

They come and go.

It’s my commitment that is forever.

It shouldn’t change like the feelings.

So the answer to the question, is love a choice or a feeling?

Well, it’s both.

Basically this kind of love does not waver and is not impacted by the lover’s actions.

It’s saying what this song is saying, that you’ll NEVER take your love away. That’s real love. The ultimate love we’re all seeking.

Matt Wertz

I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
while the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away
I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there’s no yield for what you’ve sown
I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always, look to me
And I will give you what you need
I will not take my love away

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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  1. hunter

    Women under 50 are bonded after having sex. Women over 50, ‘Choose’ to stay with a man.

  2. MidoriLei

    what do you mean hunter?

  3. Meagan

    Do you by chance have the chords written down. I want to pick up guitar, and I probably am not asking the exact question, but I did sing in a travelling choir, and I love music. I especially love beautiful heartfelt music. Thank you for sharing this, and whatever else you can.

  4. MidoriLei

    hey Meagan, I’m looking for the guitar chords too! I think you can find them on try that out. I love music too, especially music with brave lyrics like this song.

  5. Anonymous

    it may start as feeling but to make it last it will definitely be a decision, you to think it through and be convince that your feeling have not deceived you.

  6. Fernando Cotton

    Cool, there is actually some great ideas on here some of my subscribers may find this relevant, I will send them a link, many thanks.

  7. Dave

    I don’t know about you guys but I find this kind of depressing to the fact that our feeling of love slowly vanishes.

  8. MidoriLei

    But Dave, I think the feelings/excitement of the butterflies may disappear, but the love deepens– the deep abiding commitment and dedication to another person’s happiness and well-being, the feeling of being more and more one with another human being, the beauty of being fully known and fully loved regardless of our faults, these things don’t vanish, but grow with time. And in that security, as time and age take away our youth, we will be comforted by the knowledge that we are never alone– that we have someone by our side to love us unconditionally. That is what is beautiful.

  9. Jamie

    I agree with MidoriLei but I also want to say that the feeling dont vanish. The excitment and the butterflies DO come back. There just not there every single day. My parents are the PERFECT example of that. My mom still get goofy and giddy over my dad at time when she talks about him or is just standing there next to him listening to him talk. And my dad is the same way…though in more of the “guyish” way. lol he still has those days when he looks at her and is just completely wowed and blown away by her like when they first met. The key is you have to WORK at it. “dating” or “romancing” a person doesnt stop when you hit the altar. When you were dating thats when your just starting to dip your feet into wooing a person. After your married thats when it really starts and you have to work harder at it. The giddy goofy feeling wont be there every day. But as you both continually work to make eahother the most imporatnt person (aside from Christ) in your life, then the feeling will still be there.

  10. Dave

    Good point you made there. During the past few weeks I’ve been digging deep into the definition of love, like how it works and what the real meaning behind it. After reading and listening to numerous of people have to say about it, I’ve come to realization that many people put intimacy over commitment. Many people end up in a physical relationship, in other words intimacy, leading them to believe that they’re in “Love” when reality is they’re not since it’s based on feelings rather than commitment. Putting commitment first and then feelings is real love. Like what you’ve said, “dating” or “romancing” a person doesnt stop when you hit the altar” and “But as you both continually work to make eahother the most imporatnt person (aside from Christ) in your life, then the feeling will still be there.”

  11. Dennis Miedema

    Love’s not a choice, but a feeling.

    Exhibit A) if love would be logical, why would women fall for abusive “sex, drugs and rock and roll” type bad boys? They KNOW it’s bad for them from a logical perspective

    Exhibit B) Don’t mistake a feeling with growing older. As a dating coach, I’ve noticed that the older people get… the more they think in terms of whether a possible relationship is doable financially speaking or in terms of security (will this guy/girl be good to my kids, etc.)

    Exhibit C) if love would be a choice, the most logical choice would be to go for someone that’s exactly alike because you know what you get, it’s safe, you can do everything with them… meanwhile, opposites extract more than sameness.

    Exhibit D) the longer you’re with someone, the more difficult it will get to keep the sexual chemistry going. You know exactly who she is, what’s she’s going to do, what she wants, how she’s going to respond, etc. In short: things become predictable, and predictable is the enemy of attraction.

    You’ll find that if you change things up a bit, NOT go to the same restaurant every time, go somewhere else on vacation… the romance and love will most likely be stronger and better.

    And if it’s not that, then you have to ask yourself: do I really like him/her less, or am I just so damn afraid of commitment that I seek flaws on purpose so I have an excuse for not committing myself?

    Trust me: lots of people are afraid of commitment, because they’ve been hurt in the past… and they unconsciously end relationships because of it.

    To More Dating Success,

    Dennis Miedema
    Win With Women

  12. Ashley

    this has just become my favorite song. it’s really true to what everyone wants in a person, and what it takes to make a relationship work. if i can find it on itunes, this is going to the top of my playlist.

  13. Anonymous

    Good blog! I actually love how it is easy on my eyes as well as the data are well written. I am wondering how I could be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your rss feed which need to do the trick! Have a nice day!

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  15. Steve

    What can you do when love disappears due to many arguments and due to the bossiness of the partner? I always wanted the lifelong love but I now start to doubt that my partner is right for me. I feel attracted to the idea to fall in love with someone else, to start over again. It feels wrong, even foolish, but I am drawn to another person with whom I have talked a lot… What can I do? I feel trapped in wanting change but also fearing change!

  16. MidoriLei

    If your partner is bossy, you feel disrespected, and that is what causes you to lose attraction towards her. What you need most from your significant other is have their respect and admiration. You could be right, your partner might not be right for you. If she is unable to respect you, she isn’t right for you. On the other hand, if she feels unloved by you, she could be retaliating by being disrespectful. it’s a matter of seeing where you are contributing because You are the only person in the equation you can change. Are you married to this woman?

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