I know guys like success. Whether we’re talking the board room, stock options or their latest female interest. Most guys wouldn’t propose to a girl unless they’re pretty sure they’re going to get a yes… yet guys ask girls out all the time without first determining if the girl’s interested. You might have seen the funny Mad TV skit called, “Can I have Your Number?” It’s hilarious:

Daryl is mad funny, but he does prove a point. Stay away from the flattery at first.

If she’s attracted to you and you’re busting out with all the flattery she’ll assume you do this all the time.

If she’s not attracted to you and you’re busting out with all the flattery, it’s just plain UNCOMFORTABLE.

You lose points either way.

Guys are most concerned with saying all the right things and being agreeable. That shouldn’t be your primary goal when you meet a stranger you want to get to know better. Your primary goal is to gain a level of trust and make her feel comfortable around you.

Don’t get too busy figuring out what to say and how to say it, that you forget to pay attention to the girl’s verbal and nonverbal clues to sense if she’s interested or not.

The best way to figure this out is to use a “feeler.” You avoid blatant rejection and you find out if the girl is interested before you ask her out or ask for her number.

Here’s a case in point:

The other day when I was at the gym doing warm up shots before playing basketball with the boys, a guy approached me and started chit chatting between shots.

Guys, that’s the first thing you need to do if you’re interested in getting to know a complete stranger. You have to do the small talk. (again, hold back on the flattery) No sensible girl is going to agree to a date with a complete stranger without first building a level of trust. (Unless you’re just drop dead gorgeous, but even then it’s iffy) You can only achieve this level of trust if you talk to her like a friend and maker her relatively comfortable in your presence.

Don’t worry about making a fool of yourself or looking nervous.

Believe me, nervous guys are the most endearing of all creatures!!!!! Nervousness on a guy looks good. Because it shows us that:

1. We make you nervous. It’s a power rush.
2. You don’t do this all the time. It makes us feel special.

After you get a flow in the conversation and she looks comfortable, even laughing, at this point, guys assume the girl is interested.

A girl laughing at your jokes or looking comfortable is hardly evidence that she’s interested!

You could just be funny!

She could just feel comfortable around you like a good buddy!

Or, she could just be a nice girl with good manners and an easy going personality.

This is not your cue to ask her out. Don’t go in for the kill just yet. At this point, if you go straight to the “Can I get your number?” or the “Can I take you out to dinner/coffee/lunch sometime?” the odds are still against you. Now is the time to throw out the feeler.

Which is exactly what this guy did. Right on! After we chatted a bit, goofed around a bit, laughed a bit and played a few games of 21 with some other guys, I was about ready to go. This is when the guy threw out the perfect feeler. He said, “So, what are you doing later on this evening?”

I actually did have plans to have dinner with a friend and give her a massage because she hurt her back at work, so I told him this. I also wasn’t interested in the guy so it was my way of showing him that he shouldn’t proceed further with asking me out on a date or asking for my number. Guys usually think that if they just ask this question, it’s not enough. Believe me, it’s enough. We’ll either say, “nothing,” and then this would be your opportunity to ask us out. If we did have plans but wanted to hang out with you in the future, we wouldn’t miss the opportunity. If I was interested in this guy, I would have said, “I’m busy tonight… but we should get together sometime.” Then I’d give him my number.

Because he threw out the feeler before actually asking me out, we didn’t have to go through any awkward, uncomfortable moments, and the guy didn’t have to leave feeling rejected. Nobody likes to hear a no when they ask someone out. So, by throwing out a feeler first, you can gauge if you should proceed.