Christian Advice

I Like a Man/Woman Who is In a Relationship. What Should I Do?


Reader’s Concern:

Im a bloke who has fallen in love with a bi female who has a girlfriend / is in a relationship, for me she is the most beautifull woman ive ever seen. I really want to ask her out or tell her how beautifull she is. she always passes my house at the same time as I depart to work. Always at the same time, im sure she does this to see me as you can set your clock to her passing when I leave for work. Please help me. is it intuding if I tell her im crippled by her beauty

My Response:

I’m so sad and upset that this question was even asked. I’m sad that our society has come to this point where people feel it is appropriate and morally right to “ask out” other people who are already in a relationship.

I can’t give advice as to what to do besides, move on. She’s in a relationship.
Doesn’t that mean anything anymore to anyone? Where are the boundaries? Two people making a “relationship” should tell the entire rest of the world that they are off limits.

The Golden Rule:

What ever happened to the golden rule of “Doing unto others what you would have done to you?” If you were the “other” person in the relationship, you wouldn’t want anyone “asking” out your girlfriend. Asking out this person is disrespectful. It’s inappropriate. There’s no going around it.

The Principle of Reaping What You Sow/Karma

I’m a believer in the principle that you reap what you sow. In non-Christian cultures this is called Karma. Basically, for the most part, whatever you put out into the world, that’s usually what you get back. If you put out faithfulness, goodness, loyalty, honesty, kindness, generosity, that’s what’s most likely going to come back to you. Of course natural disasters, calamity, disease and bad things happen to good people, but for the most part, this concept of reaping what you sow is true.

A “Lucky” Guy

Most people think my husband is “lucky.” He always wins games, and gets “lucky” breaks. He has never been laid off in a profession full of layoffs(construction). A part of it is God just blessing him, but the other part is that he is the kind of man who puts good out into the world. He has the best work ethic, and his company has learned they can depend on him. He has integrity in all his work and in every part of his life. He is generous with his time and resources. He has helped countless people with home projects, whether that meant creating a path for a friend’s wife’s wheelchair in her last days of battling breast cancer, building a deck for a clueless friend, or fixing a roof for his widowed step mom. If someone asks for help, and he is able, he is there, on weekends, after work, whenever.

One day we were on our motorcycle driving to Leavenworth. We were probably more than 50 miles away from home, and we were speeding. Nate also realized he had left his wallet at home. Next thing we knew, we were being stopped by a cop. I was upset because he was speeding when he knew he didn’t have a wallet. As soon as the cop got out of his suburban, he recognized Nate, put his hand up in the air and said, “Man, get out of here.”

I was so confused as to what was going on. It turned out that the cop that pulled us over more than 50 miles away from home was a guy that Nate had built a deck for years back.

When Nate was in a committed relationship before me, he found out through his sister that I was on myspace, but he didn’t even add me as a friend out of respect for his girlfriend. Years down the road, after they had broken up and now that I’m married to Nate, I trust him implicitly because he proved to be faithful and trustworthy even when we were not together.

Goodness or Evil Will Follow You Based on What You Put Out There

When you put good into the world, people remember. Goodness or evil will follow you wherever you go based on what you put out there.

The man who does evil is always having to watch his back. The man who pursues a woman who is already in a relationship and manages to secure the relationship will forever be wondering if she is trustworthy because if he manages to secure her and cause her to leave her committed relationship, he knows she is capable of leaving commitments in the face of temptation.

So to answer the question: “I like a woman who is in a relationship. What should I do?”

You should leave her alone. You should respect that she is in a relationship. You should trust that if you were meant to be together, they will break up and you will have your chance, but in the meantime, you have to be respectful. If you were meant to be together, it’s not going to happen because you break up a relationship. What a terrible way to start a relationship! (by destroying another)

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I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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