I Have Said it once. I will say it again… and again… and again…
The hottest guys are the guys who are willing to go out there, risk getting rejected because they want to win the heart of a woman.
Women are vain and insecure. All of us, to varying degrees. The secret is out! So, enter prince charming wannabee. He wants to win the heart of his maiden. What’s the first step?
Don’t play the game in the friend zone.
Don’t peeter around waiting for more clues that she is interested. If you ask her out she may say no, that’s true. But, from the bottom of her heart she will respect you for trying! It takes courage to do that! If you don’t ask her out, she might start thinking you have no balls or you’re playing mind games with her. Two strikes right there. It gets worse. The longer you wait, the more she will think these things. Check out my advice to a reader:
Reader’s Concern:
There is a situation I have a girl in my office I find her cute but I don’t have any medium to talk to her and approach her. I find here on Facebook also I just want to know how to let her know and approach her? as she is in same office so don’t know how to act upon it. I gave her smile she also sometimes give some clues but I am not sure. But still I wanna go for it. What should be my second step now?
My Advice:
Be risky! be bold! be brave! Be courageous! You do have a medium to talk to her and approach her. How do I know this? Because you see her on a daily basis! Any time you are alone with her, just go out and say it: “I don’t know how appropriate or inappropriate this is or if this is frowned upon. I’m so attracted to you. You have no idea. Can I take you out to dinner sometime?”
Don’t wait for more “clues” from her.
Don’t facebook stalk her.
Don’t play that game. It’s for insecure boys. You are a man. Approach her as a man would. If she says no, just know I am proud of you and you did the right thing. The longer you wait, the more she will think “What’s up with this guy? Is he interested or not?” Women want ballsy, gutsy men who will just put themselves out there, risking looking like a fool for them! It’s hot!
My now husband found a way to ask to call me the first day we met in highschool, eventhough we never had even spoken a word to each other because we were in the middle of Sabbath school (like Sunday school) and I was sitting on the other side of the room. He still found a way to show his interest. He asked his twin sister to ask me if he could call me sometime. I said ok. And then he called me that same day and asked if he could come over to the dorm and meet me in person. Then he came. So freakin’ hot! Little did he know that I was already eyeing him the moment I saw him!
Men, the point is, don’t second guess yourself. You don’t know what’s going on in her head. She could be interested too! The sooner you find out, the better!
December 11th, 2010 at 10:35 am
If a man does not know how to approach a woman, it would be wise, that he not “practice” his approaches at work,(unless he has already made up his mind he will marry her) even if he is attracted to her.(if he is a sensitive man, with little dating experience, NO dating at work) There is no privacy at work, employees murmur about “ALL” break ups, “ALL” dates, most personal stuff.
On the other hand, according to statistics, more that 50% of couples meet at work.
December 13th, 2010 at 9:44 am
very nice blog. great to get a womans point of view.
December 14th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
hunter, that’s a good point. It’s definitely risky! But… in matters between love and career, I’m still all about taking the risk for love over career. I think just be careful about who you pursue. make sure she is worth it. make sure she’s the kind of woman who has character who won’t make you the butt of jokes or talk about it to others at work if she’s not interested or it doesn’t work out. and then keep the budding relationship private and don’t talk about her to coworkers. How will you have any basis at this point to make up your mind to marry a woman you don’t know anything about? It’s too premature.
There is no such thing as “practice” dating. You just have to choose the good ones and give it all you’ve got every time even if they are at your job. That’s where you spend the most of your time. At least that’s where I stand:)
December 15th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Ok in the 21st Century men are still hunting women like cave men. Is it forbidden to women to approach men? Why sit and wait if you’re looking for someone.
Of course you have to be tactful and admit that the social rules are that men take the first step. So you may have to find ways to entice him (without looking to slutty) to make that step!
December 16th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
It’s not forbidden Sarah, I just don’t think it is wise for a woman to do that. If you ask 10 women if they would rather be pursued or pursue a man, you’re probably going to get 10 women saying, “I’d rather be pursued.” Although, if you ask a man if they’d rather be pursued or be the one pursuing, you’ll get mixed messages. The truth is, if they have a chance to pursue a woman, rather than the woman pursuing them, they have more of a chance to really fall for the woman. The chase is actually part of the attraction that the man has. They are born with this drive to be challenged. When the challenge is not there because a woman puts herself out there and initiates, he is flattered but the convenience actually detracts from her appeal. Read more about this idea here if you’re interested:
http://datingadvicefromagirl.com/the-number-1-postfeminist-dating-mistake_56/
December 18th, 2010 at 12:40 am
Sarah, I have heard therapists say, it doesn’t matter who approaches who first.(some women operate from their masculine side) And they go on to say, there is nothing wrong with a woman that manipulates the situation.( agreeing with your second paragraph, and your use of the word “tactful”)
December 18th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Midori,
I have witnessed people breaking up at work and it got nasty, of the four couples I have seen break up, the man had to resign and find another job. Finding a job that one really likes is not easy. I would choose love over a career anytime, if, she volunteered to be the breadwinner. I know there are single female breadwinners out there, but, they are in smaller pools. (usually unreachable).
December 20th, 2010 at 9:43 am
If a guy is attracted to a girl, he will approach if he feels she is right for him. If he doesn’t approach it means he’s not interested enough to overcome whatever is holding him back, fear of rejection, fear of success( yeah getting the girl is scary too, because you might be starting something that could get out of control). It is best for the girl to wait for the guy to approach even if she is attracted, because a jerk will think “easy sex” if the girl offers up too easy and just take her for that. Unless that’s what she wants. If she wants a relationship, than let the guy initiate, then she’ll know she’s in the power position in the relationship. It is better to be the one desired than the one doing the desiring.
Insecure women do not like secure men. It makes them anxious because they think that the guy is too “smooth” or has done it alot. Or will too easily dump her for another girl since he is so secure. Insecure women like needy men because they confuse neediness with love. The guy cannot stand on his own without support, but that will become a burden as the relationship continues.
And women, don’t wear too many rings on your fingers. Guys have no clue if they mean anything, “taken, celibate, lesbian, etc.” Bare hands at a glance lets the guy know that you are a possibility
December 21st, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Random Guy you give great advice! I’m so happy you spoke up, as I would love for women to read this and hear a guy’s point of view. I am going to publish your little comment on the rings! So hilarious but true!!!
December 21st, 2010 at 7:05 pm
Hunter, you’re right. If a guy loves his job, he must really weigh out if the girl is worth it. It’s hard enough to find a job these days, much less a job you love.
In all situations, he must see what is at stake, see what is to gain, and what could be lost. If what could be gained is perceived as of higher value than what could be lost, he should go for it.
December 21st, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Rings on fingers……rings on fingers…some men approach women with a ring on their left hand anyway, because we know, some(attractive) single women wear them to keep most men away. Pretty women like attention, but, not all the time.
December 26th, 2010 at 1:32 am
It’s always tricky to mix romance with work. But yes, the guy has to weigh what is at stake and make his decision.