For Single Girls

How to Use Facebook for Dating

(Picture from Pinterest. )

Scenario 1: You see a cute girl who’s tagged in a photo with one of your friends/acquaintances on Facebook.

If you’ve never met this girl, I think the best thing to do is send her a friend request and email her at the same time. The email should say something like, “You might be wondering who I am, friend requesting you out of nowhere. I just saw a picture of an acquaintance/friend of mine, Sally, and she was standing next to this beautiful lady;) How do you know Sally? We went to high school together. Hope you’re having a great day, Tom.”

What you have going for you is that you have a mutual friend/acquaintance. The most important thing is to establish this because you want to build a level of familiarity and trust. It’s gotta be short, sweet, casual, and flattering (hence the compliment that she was standing next to a beautiful girl).

Also, if you want to transition it from a FB friendship to an actual face to face date, I suggest you follow the rules of texting when you email. Focus on logistics and light banter. Leave the getting to know each other stuff and deep stuff for face to face interaction. Here are the articles to understand more clearly:

The Rules of Texting a Woman Part 1: The Why and How

The Rules of Texting a Woman Part 2: Do You Have the Right Mindset?

Scenario 2: You meet a cute girl at a party of a mutual friend but you’re too nervous to ask her for her number at this point.

So instead of letting the entire opportunity go to waste or asking your mutual friend “Who’s so and so” after the fact and beating around the bush, all you have to do at the party is find a way to talk to her.

The goal is to try, for just a minute, to forget how attracted you are to her. (Is this even possible?) I think it is.

Assume she is already taken (hey, she might be!) so that you take the pressure off yourself, and you get that feeling you have nothing to lose. You know how you DON’T get nervous around your buddy’s hot girlfriend, just because you know she’s off limits anyway? That’s the same mind set you have to get into for this situation.

If you can talk to her like you would talk to any new person at a party, then you can find some common interest. The common interest is the bait. And that’s when you go in for the kill.

“Oh, you like Vampire Weekend? There’s a concert coming up in a couple months. Do you know about it?”


“Oh, you like Vampire Weekend? Have you heard their new album? Do you have a favorite song? “Step” is on repeat for me….

blah blah blah blah… THEN…

Man, (casually) that’s cool. Are you on Facebook?”




“Friends with Carly?” (the host of the party)




“Awesome. I’ll find you.”

Then you excuse yourself and get talking to other people-


“Oh, there’s Tim. Man, haven’t seen him in ages. Excuse me. It was nice meeting you. We’ll talk later.”

You do this so she can have a chance to just think, hmmm that was a cool guy. And you’ve left on a high note. You just gotta give enough small talk to find a mutual interest.

A “Are you on Facebook?” line is so much less intimidating than “Can I have your number?” Of course I’m more a fan of the direct approach, but I understand it’s not for everyone. This will at least get your foot in the door.

Just BE SURE to say, “I’ll find you.” That way she’s expecting it from two angles. You asked her if she was on Facebook. AND you told her you’ll find her.

The great thing is there really is no way for her to reject you in person at this time because she can’t assume you want a date. She’ll kinda look presumptuous if she does assume. Pretty cool! Nobody ever goes, “Eh, I have too many friends on Facebook, don’t bother” (unless they really have maxed out their friendships on FB).

The only possible maybe-rejection is, “Oh I don’t get on there very often.” And this could literally BE the truth, OR it’s a polite way of saying, “If you friend me, I’m going to hide you.” BUT at this point, you don’t know which one it is, so it doesn’t hurt to still pursue it.

Once you friend her on Facebook, just keep the messaging and wall posts down to logistics and light banter, again follow the rules of texting in this scenario as well:

The Rules of Texting a Woman Part 1: The Why and How

The Rules of Texting a Woman Part 2: Do You Have the Right Mindset?

Good luck!

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

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