Dating Advice

How to Spot the “Unattainable Man”

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Shout out to our guest post blogger who wrote this article! Sarah writes a companion blog with her boyfriend! Check out her site here.

Most women spend their lives dreaming of the day they will meet that special guy. As a child, whether we are playing house or wearing a bed sheet over our head like a veil, the very idea of meeting someone you will spend the rest of your life with is drilled into us. For a very lucky few of us this does happen. A close friend of mine actually married her very first boyfriend; they met in middle school. This is not that easy for most of us. We spend most of our adult lives dating and searching for this perfect guy. What we need to realize is that there really is no perfect guy.

I recently discovered, while talking with friends over brunch, that a lot of women get involved with what is known as the unattainable man.

This is the guy that makes you feel so special, but always seems to have a reason why he cannot fully commit.

I have seen so many women fall victim to this man. In order to help out those women I have listed a few ways for you to be able to spot this newly discovered type of man. If your guy has tried any of the following then you may be involved with an unattainable man.

1. He always calls last minute to see if you want to “hang out”

When a guy does this it should be obvious that you were not the person that he intended to hang out with that night.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that sometimes things can be left until the last minute. That’s fine. But, if this happens often you should consider yourself an after thought. More than likely his original plans have fallen through and he didn’t want to sit at home so he called you, knowing that you would probably jump at the chance to hang out with him.

2. You only go out at night

I believe the original term was “booty call.” Unless one or both of you have a job that allows you to only be free at night seven days a week this is never a good sign even if he takes you to dinner and spends the first part of the night saying all of the right things and makes you free amazing. You still only see each other at night which means he obviously has plans for later, which don’t include telling you how much he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

3. He says things like “I don’t want to hurt you”

Maybe you are one of the women that has sat down with him and told him how you feel. If you have explained to him how much you like him and how you want to take the relationship further and he replies “I don’t want to hurt you” this is an easy way of putting that off. Instead of being truly honest with you and telling you he is not looking for a serious relationship, an unattainable man will say things like this. This way he is not the bad guy, because he is looking out for you. Right?

4. When he feels he could lose you he changes his attitude and suddenly you’re the center of attention… But this will only last for awhile.

Most women, after a while will get fed up with this type of guy and try to end it. He is probably ready for this, so be careful. It may take a couple of days, but he will slowly try to work his way back into your life. It may start with just a quick text or IM but it will turn into offering advice, longer chats, and then occasional drinks and before you know it, you’re back where you started.

5. He offers help whenever yo need it.

Okay this one is tricky. I only say that because if a man really cares about the woman they’re with, they will want to help. As they should. Most men that are in a serious committed relationship will help when they see it is needed. Now with the unattainable man you have to really pay attention. He will offer help when he sees you need it, but it will grow and grow until you feel like you have to talk to him about everything. He may start off by offering to help you with the smallest thing such as a problem your having at work, but it will not end there. I have actually seen, in some extreme cases where it grows into him telling you where to live and what bank you should use. Now that’s a really extreme case but, it has happened.

6.He makes excuses as to why you haven’t met any of his friends

When you bring up his friends he may say things like “Yeah, my friends work a lot so we really don’t hang out much” or “Sometimes I just need guy time and that’s what my friends are for.” He may go so far as to say he wants to keep you all to himself. The honest truth is that if a guy is dating someone he likes he will want his friends to meet her.

Over the years many great guys have lost women to this ‘unattainable man.’ Now I have to be honest and say that we as women can not put all the blame on the man. I don’t want anyone to think that is what I am doing here. We should be able to spot the signs and get out, so that we are able to move on and find that guy that we have all thought about our whole lives. I truly hope this helps, and next time you come across this man you can stop it before it even gets started. Good luck!

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Article written by:

I love thinking about the intricacies of dating, love and life. I share my tiny lessons in the hope that it helps you as you navigate the dating world.

Join the discussion

  1. derek

    Unfortunately, in my youth I may have been one of those types of guys. I wanted the freedom and the fun with no committment. From my perspective, you need to decide very quickly as to w hat kind of relationship you seek. If you refverse the roles and shy away from him, you may have a better chance of bring him around to a decent relationship. If that is not what you see happenning than it might be best to cut the ties early and rip the band aid off.

  2. MidoriLei

    That’s great advice derek, to decide quickly what kind of relationship you seek. Most of people’s disappointments is because their expectations are not met. But how do you know how to avoid that if you don’t know what your expectations are? So yes, good point. good point.

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