Chill out:) Don’t think of it as an interview where you’re being judged and evaluated. (even though you are!)

I had a friend come and visit me during the holidays. He brought two other guys with him. Usually, I get into this frantic cleaning mode and get all stressed out, until I realized something that I realize applies not only to having house guests, but also applies to dating.

It’s not about impressing people.

It’s not about entertaining people.

The focus should be about fun and friendship (or with dating– hanging out and getting to know people)

As soon as I realized that people are responsible for their own enjoyment on a date (or as my house guests) and I don’t need to impress anyone (I just have to be myself) I realized that people put their own set of pressures on themselves. They set out to impress instead of just being themselves. They make it their responsibility to make everyone happy and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Then they don’t enjoy themselves. It’s self-defeating and pointless. If you date someone who also thinks it’s your responsibility that you’re both having fun, it’s better to find out sooner than later so you can ‘call it a night’ early and move on to people who make having fun and enjoying themselves their own responsibility! And why try to impress? If you’re being yourself from the get-go, I think you’ll impress people because you’re self-assured and at peace with yourself. Now that’s attractive.

So, I encourage you to give yourself a little pep talk before every date. Repeat after me:

I’m here to have fun and enjoy myself, but I’m not responsible for any one else’s enjoyment or happiness. I’m here to get to know someone and allow them to get to know the real me, but I’m not here to impress them, put on a show, or entertain.