Remember Alex? I wrote about him in the post “How to Approach a Girl.”
Turns out his name is actually Anthony. (whoops) I saw him again. He came in for tutoring, didn’t know I was a tutor and couldn’t hide his excitement to see me. How could I not smile? Of course I ended up having to work with him one on one. Let’s just say that it was hard for me to be um, professional. The guy’s a flirt, and damn good at it. It was nearly impossible not to flirt back. He should write the book on flirting. Somehow he managed to be both humble and confident in his approach. In the middle of our tutoring session, he got a phone call from a friend and instead of excusing himself he said,
“Do you mind if I take this really quick?”
I said “Sure, but make it quick.”
He answered it and as he’s smiling at me, he said,
“Hey can I call you back? Remember that hot girl I approached the other day? She’s tutoring me right now!(pause) I know! Score! k-k. Dude, I gotta go.”
Did I mention he kept smiling and looking at me the entire time? That’s confidence. So cute! He got more attractive just because he was so self-assured yet humble enough to compliment me on the sly. He complimented me and made me laugh several times during our session. Too bad he’s so young!
From my experience with Anthony, here’s what I learned:
Be confident. If you think you can get the girl, most likely, you can.
At the same time, in order for you to be confident, you have to not care about the outcome. She’s just one girl. Special, yeah, for sure. But as cliche as it sounds, it’s important to keep in mind that she’s only one girl in a sea full of fish.
If you’re nervous, don’t worry about it. Guys who are nervous are endearing.
Check out Sheldon’s nervous flirtation with Violet that starts at 7:45 from Private Practice. So cute!
(chuckle) I’m sorry. That was meant to have charm, and build-up, and a clever turn of phrase…
So don’t let your nerves get in the way. Violet said yes!
Active pursuit despite nerves= endearing and attractive.
Just make light of your nervousness.
Make it funny.
Make her smile.
How do you do this? Compliments. Just make sure they are sincere. If you’re thinking, “Wow, I love her laugh,” say it out loud!
If you’re thinking something nice about her that sounds like a compliment, all you ‘gotta do is verbalize it.
And unless you’re in junior high, making fun of a girl doesn’t count as flirting. Sarcasm when it’s used to attack the girl (even if it is lighthearted) can actually get irritating and send mixed signals. Making fun of a girl shows your lack of self confidence. Some women won’t take this as flirting and will be more hurt, offended, or irritated. Flirt like a real man and dish out something funny, something sincerely nice and complimentary, and make light of your nervousness.
Someone emailed me this concern:
The girls who stay on my mind don’t ever show interest in me, and I know they won’t ever let on if they feel anything because they’re usually shy.
This is passivity speaking. The active man on a mission will think, I’m the one who needs to initiate interest. She shouldn’t have to show interest in me before I do anything. That’s too easy.
So I say, flirt. alot. The shy ones, if they are interested, will eventually (probably sooner than later even) flirt back. When I say flirt, I mean smile a lot, laugh a lot, make her laugh and find ways to sneak in compliments.
So back to Anthony. I wish I could explain what he said or did, but basically after being with him I felt really good about myself, really happy, and I viewed him in a better light. He had a way of coming across as confident AND humble. It was so endearing! When I first met him, I didn’t think much of him. Now, I’m wishing I wasn’t a gazillion years older than him.
So check this out… some women who may not initially be attracted to you can actually warm up if you treat them in a way that makes them feel good about themselves and makes them feel happy after they are done talking to you.