For Single Guys

How to Become More Confident Around Women

This is a guest post by my older brother, Dee, from SICerts.

Confidence is one of the top traits that attracts women. In fact, I would put confidence above money and looks. Remember Midori’s post on alpha males? Well, one of the main differences between the alpha male and the average guy is confidence. The alpha male exudes confidence while the average guy gives off an insecure, unsure, or nervous vibe.

A lack of confidence keeps you from attracting more women. But worse than that, many guys are not even trying to meet and pursue girls because they are not confident.

Fortunately, confidence is not a mysterious inborn trait that only a select few have. You can do certain things to increase your confidence and improve your interactions with women. But you will have to put in some hard work and be patient, since change doesn’t happen overnight.

What Makes People Confident?

To answer this question, a good place to look is the entertainment industry. For example, imagine that you are a contestant on “Dancing with the Stars.” However, the producers change the rules for practice time. You are only given 30 minutes to practice with your partner before you go onstage to perform. Would you be confident? Probably not.

The producers of the show give the contestants a lot of time to work on their dance moves and pair them with a professional dancer so they can learn and become better dancers. As a result, by the time they perform, they look confident because they’ve worked really hard and they’ve gotten great coaching.

Here’s my point: confidence is the byproduct of competence. If you are good at something, you will be confident at it.

Once you realize this, then it’s a simple process to think of the things that make you less confident around women and become competent in them.

Fill this blank: If I __________, I would be more confident.

For example, one common thing that guys have problems with is knowing what to say. Many guys are speechless around women. They don’t know what to say to beautiful women.

Well, there are many resources out there to help you. Do some research and find some tips that fit your personality. You might find some pickup lines, questions to ask, stories to tell, or other things to say to create interesting conversations.

Next, memorize those things so you won’t be caught speechless. You can even practice in the mirror to improve your delivery.

Then, start applying what you learned in social situations. At this point, it helps a lot to think of your interactions with girls as a learning experiences, as practice sessions. Don’t see them as high pressure events. There’s no pressure because you’re seeking to improve. Have fun.

During this process, continually evaluate your results. Some lines will work better than others. Stick with those and discard the rest. Of course, feel free to keep doing research to find new techniques and lines to try.

Over time, if you do these steps, you will become skilled at conversing with women and your confidence will increase.

Build Confidence in Any Area

You can become competent in just about anything so start working on areas in your life that keep you from being more confident. The key is to have a learning mindset and then put in the effort to improve yourself.

Here are some common things that you may need to work on to increase your confidence:

  • Dealing with nervousness
  • Making money
  • Dressing well
  • Transforming into an alpha male

Find good resources to deal with the areas where you need help and become competent in them through hard work and practice.

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Join the discussion

  1. MidoriLei

    Thank you for this great article Dee! Btw, I think the best “line” to use on a girl is straigth forward:
    “Hey, my name is______. What’s you’re name?” Smile. Be confident she will be responsive. Then say “So (insert name here) what do you like to do for fun? Can I take you out to _____ sometime?”


    “do you have any plans after (event you are at)?”
    (if she does, ask her, “can I call you sometime? This place is really loud/crowded/(any excuse) and I’d be honored if you’d join me for dinner/lunch/coffee.)

  2. hunter

    Thanks Midori, I will try and keep this in mind….

  3. Devon Brown

    I like the line in the post that “confidence is the byproduct of competence.” And in most cases, I would say this is correct. However, there is another factor for most people, and that is their individual personality. If someone is inherently shy and introverted, confidence is much more difficult to come by. You have to physically overcome your own tendencies to portray confidence in these cases. It is definitely doable, and much easier with something that you know inside and out, but it is still a factor that each person has to consider on his or her own.

    Good luck.


  4. hunter

    I have heard shrinks, say what Devon said, more, directly, “Sex builds confidence”.

  5. Tayo

    well great article thanks man for this. i will always recommend it for me and my friends…

  6. Anonymous

    Most women actually prefer confidence over looks. So this makes your post very valuable indeed. Well-written and thank you for the information!

  7. Greg

    I’ve always been rediculously shy, almost to the point (at times) of it being a phobia. I think it comes from being a kid that got made fun of a lot, and that really damages the psyche. As an adult male, I’m not good-looking in my opinion, although I have a decent build at least. I have better than average intelligence and can carry on an intelligent conversation about almost anything. I can fix almost anything too. My best aspect is my sense of humor. In fact, if I wasn’t so shy I’d have probably become a professional comedian by now. I’m confident and charming around women I’m only a little attracted to or not at alle kind of women I get. But boy, get me infront of a pretty girl and I suddenly feel like I’m under a microscope and I just want to hide. say goodbye to my normally coherent speech and sharp humor. Basically, I pretty much turn into Rainman.

  8. Greg

    Sorry about the typos. This: “…around women I’m only a little attracted to or not at alle kind of women I get” should read “…around women I’m only a little or not at all attracted to, so that’s the kind of women I get”.

  9. Pingback: Understanding the Alpha Male

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